The Last Kiss
by RedArt
Summary: Years after Sirius' death, Harry finds the one thing that can teach him more about his godfather than he ever dreamed, a flower. Full of love & loss, it's memory runs out before the tale ends, leaving Harry to find someone to finish it.
1. The Reunion

Disclaimer: Besides my original characters, the world of Harry Potter and all those in it, belong to J. K. Rowling.

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**_The Reunion_**

_~1~_

Lupin walked in, a rather large box under his arm. "Here's the last of it. We found all this locked up in a trunk in the attic. If Moody wasn't helping us clear out headquarters, we never would have found it." He placed the box in an empty chair by Harry's desk.

"Thanks," Harry replied, looking at the box as if by acknowledging it, he was required to fully accept his loss from years ago.

"Well, I have to get going. Are you still coming over for dinner tonight?"

Harry nodded, his eyes still glued to the box. "Seven, right?"

"Yeah," Lupin answered, closing the door behind him.  
  


Why, he didn't know, but Harry found the uncontrollable urge to see what Sirius had had locked up in his attic. Leaving his warm, plush, desk chair, he walked over to the box and began digging through it. There were photographs of the Marauders, old letters, a few books, a tattered black and blue flag with only the letters '_ight_' visible, anda child's drawing of what looked like a kid on a stick with a ball in their hand, though it didn't look like a quaffle. At the bottom, buried under everything else, was a tiny wooden box, hardly big enough to hold a few Every Flavour Beans. 

Picking up the box, Harry admired the delicate carvings adorning the little item. Before he opened it, he glanced at his clock. He couldn't waste anymore time. Deciding he would investigate it further at the end of the day, he quickly placed the box on his desk, and changed into his Auror robes before heading out the door.

The day flew by, and before he knew it, Harry was getting ready to go home and relax before heading to Lupin's for dinner. As he hung up his Auror robes, he noticed the box still sitting on his desk. He had almost forgotten about the tiny item. Picking it up, he carefully opened the box to find a small violet sitting inside. _That's strange, it isn't the least bit wilted. _The petals were soft as his fingertips gently stroked the tiny flower.   
  


It was odd, the gentle tingle that ran up his fingers with every touch of the petals. He sat there, petting the violet, not fully realizing that with each stroke the tingle was becoming stronger, running further and further up his arm. When it finally dawned on him that the tingle was now climbing up his shoulder, he stopped petting the small violet and almost panicked. _Wait, this is just a flower, what am I getting worked up about?_    
  


Holding the flower in his hand, the room began to spin as everything around him dimmed. The tingle was now making its way through his entire body. His other hand grabbed the arm of his chair as his eyes slowly closed.   
  


****~~~~~****

Professor Renae Wallis sat at her desk reading the Colonial Seer as a warm spring breeze drifted in the open windows of the large colonial auditorium. It was her third year as the Transfiguration teacher at Blakmore Academy of the Magical Arts. In her fifth year as a Ravenclaw Hogwarts student, her parents, diplomats for the American Ministry of Magic, were recalled to the States. Though she quickly adjusted to life at Blakmore, she always missed her Hogwarts friends, one in particular.   
  


Before she could allow her mind to drift back to a certain old friend, the sound of entering footsteps snapped her back to the present. Fifth year Beckwith and Proctor students were filing in for the last class of the day. Renae had been grateful she was able to finish her day with them; the Avery students reminded her too much of the Slytherins back at Hogwarts.  

"Good afternoon, Professor Wallis," a young Proctor sat down in the front row, the afternoon sun shining on her charcoal gray robes and navy blue uniform. 

"Good afternoon, Miss Hemmings," Renae replied, remembering wearing the same uniform herself as a Proctor only six years before.   
  


As she began class, Renae suddenly got the feeling that there was something different about her classroom. As she reached for her wand, it rolled off her desk. The chalk, which usually wrote key points of her lesson on the board, began to write dirty jokes instead, sending the class into hysterical laughter as she fought to stop it.   
  


Finally managing to get the students started on an exam, she walk over to her desk.

"_What in the?_" Her quill was gone, her papers were strewn all over the desk, and her books were glued shut. It all seemed familiar, _too familiar_. A Beckwith boy began giggling as she stood there, hands on her hips. After giving the boy a cold glare, he quickly stopped and his face dropped as he looked down at his paper. Reorganizing her papers, fixing her books with an ungluing charm, and turning her paperweight into a quill, she started grading papers.   
  


_Thump._   
  


She looked up to see her students quietly working on their exams. Shaking her head she told herself, "I'm hearing things."   
  


**_Thump, Crash!_**   
  


Slamming her quill down, she turned to see two books and a brass candleholder on the floor behind her. As she walked towards the shelves from which they fell, a large white rat ran across a shelf sending everything on it crashing to the floor. A gasp came from several students as it jumped onto the floor, a crystal ball shattering behind it.   
  


"_Honestly!_" She aimed her wand at the rat as the creature scurried across the floor. Before she could stop it, the rat disappeared. "_What?_"   
  
  
  
  


"Aahhh!" a Beckwith girl jumped up as the rat fell off her lap. How it managed to materialize there, Renae could only imagine.   
  


Chaos erupted as she tried to stop the rat, which now ran wild around the room, disappearing and reappearing every time she tried to hex it.   
  


_Ha ha ha!_   
  


She spun around; sure she had heard a voice behind her. _No, it can't be!_   
  
  


Papers flew into the air and students were standing on their chairs as the rat ran around the room as if its tail was on fire. The Beckwith boy, who had giggled earlier, now fell to the floor with a dull thud, bent over in laughter. She had enough.   
  


"**_STOP!_**"   
  
  


Silence fell over the room, except for the sound of books falling off yet another shelf. "_Everyone OUT! _Class is dismissed!"Cheers rang out. "Go **quietly**, or you will have a five meter essay due _tomorrow!_" The students quickly gathered their things and left without a single sound. Two students had to help the still prostrate boy up off the floor and out the door. As the door closed behind them, the white rat ran past her feet.   
  


"**_Sirius Black! _**_I swear to Merlin I'll strangle you with my bare hands if you don't show yourself **right now!**_" The only sound in the room was that of the rat's feet on the hard wood floor.   
  


"Sirius, I meant it! I know you're there! This isn't…"   
  
  


  
  


********

Walking up behind her, he reached out and touched her shoulder. She screamed and spun around, her wand pointing between his eyes. He grabbed her shoulder to keep from collapsing as James' cloak fell to the floor. "You should have _seen_ the look on your face!"   
  
  


She stood there, her hand on her heart as if it would hold it in place. He continued to laugh as she composed herself. "Nice of you to stop in so _unexpectedly_, Sirius."   
  
  


He gave her an exaggerated bow. The next thing he knew, she had pushed him onto his backside. He could have sworn he heard his tailbone crack as he landed on the floor. "_Oww!_" The rat crawled up on his lap. She laughed as it began to nibble on his robes.   
  


"I see _you_ haven't changed," Sirius said, turning the rat back into her quill.   
  


"_Nor you!_ You glued my books together when we were _fourteen!_ I thought you would have had something new by now."   
  
  


"Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you."   
  
  


She pointed to James' cloak on the floor beside him. "So, is James in on this too?"   
  
  


"No, he asked me to give it to Dumbledore, but I borrowed it first."   
  
  


"I'm sure James would be proud to know you used this to effectively get my students out of their exam," she said, picking up the invisibility cloak.

Standing up, he chuckled. "Yeah, wait till I tell him!"   
  


Laughing, they wrapped their arms around each other. The familiar scent of violets drifted up from her skin and he found it more powerful than any aphrodisiac. She let go and smiled at him with her hazel eyes before overlooking the wreck that become her classroom. "How am I ever going to explain this to Headmistress Tarlton?"   
  
  


"What, _the mess_? I'm sure you can handle it, _Professor_."   
  
  


"I'm not talking about the mess, I'm talking about _you!_"   
  
  


"Oh, well, she already knows I'm here," he grinned.   
  


Renae pulled her wand out and begun putting the room back in order. "And she sent you to disturb my class?"   
  
  


"Not exactly, but I don't think your students minded."   
  
  


"_Ha, ha_," she poked him with her wand, "now help before you find out what you'd look like with _real_ chicken legs!"   
  
  


He put his hands on his hips in mock surprise. "Are you saying I have scrawny legs?" 

She laughed. "I've only seen your legs once, and let's just say you should stick to pants!"   
  
  


Sirius pulled out his wand and helped repair the damage he had caused. As they finished, she put her papers in her satchel. "So, what are you doing here? I haven't seen you since James and Lily's wedding." 

"I'm here to ask you to come back with me."   
  
  


"I'm afraid I'll have to pass on such a _romantic offer,_" she answered as they made their way into the corridor, girls giggling and pointing at Sirius along the way. Renae blushed for a moment as another young professor smiled at them as they walked past.   
  


"_Ha ha, Renae_. It's not for me, it's for Dumbledore."   
  
  


"Dumbledore?"   
  
  


"He's needed at the Ministry and McGonagall will be acting Headmistress, so…"   
  
  


"He wants me to fill in her position." He nodded. "Sirius I have ten weeks left until end 

of term, how can I possibly leave now?"   
  
  


"Dumbledore's already arranged everything with Tarlton, all you have to do is accept."   
  
  


He watched her lift a hand to her temple, her curly light brown hair spilling over her shoulder as she lowered her head in thought. Oh, the number of times he saw her do that, each time it captivated him. _Stop it Sirius, you already know what that'll lead to._   
  


"I don't know, things aren't going well over there right now," she said, looking over at him.   
  


"Like it's much better_ here_."   
  
  


"Yes, well, at least in the States, You-Know-Who doesn't have as much control."   
  
  


"But he still has his followers, or have you forgotten how they found your muggle born mother?" The moment he said it he wanted to kick himself. _Damn it Sirius, think before you speak!_   
  


She stopped and glared at him. "Thank you so much, Sirius, for bringing up that little bit of history. _Yes_, I know that no one is really safe anywhere any more, but the last thing I need is you reminding me of my mother!" Sirius felt as though he was sinking into the wood floor. She could still cut him down with her stare.   
  


"I, I'm so sorry Renae. I wasn't thinking."   
  
  


"_That's a surprise_." Her voice had a bite to it, which he well deserved.   
  


They continued to her office in silence. Entering the circular room he took her arm. "Renae, Dumbledore wants you because not only are you the only one who could possibly fill McGonagall's shoes, but you're also one of the best people to look after the students; considering many of them are losing their parents even as we speak." The look she gave was not very reassuring. "Plus I'll be there."   
  
  


"Oh,_ well, _let me pack my bags!" Her sarcasm was always equal to his own.   
  


"I'm being serious. I have missed you, you know."   
  
  


Slowly her face softened. "Alright, alright. When do we leave?"   
  
  


"Tonight."   
  
  


"_What?_"   
  
  


"Dumbledore's already in London and I have to be back to work tomorrow. He had to pull strings to get me here to escort you back. The Ministry's low on Aurors right now."   
  
  


"_You're crazy_!"   
  
  


He laughed. "You said I hadn't changed!"   
  
  


  
  
**~~~*~~~**

After hastily packing her things, Renae was soon on her way, with Sirius, on a carriage flying over the Atlantic. The irresponsible boy that still thrived inside the Auror sitting beside her didn't surprise Renae, but the serious side he now showed, did. For most of the trip, he talked about his investigations and the fellow Aurors lost either by death or by switching allegiance. She had always wondered if he would ever be able to take anything seriously, and here he was showing her a side that was extremely so. The one thing holding her back was now gone. He had grown up.   
  


As they sat beside each other, his hand would occasionally brush against her, bringing the old feelings flooding back to her. She found herself wishing he would hold her hand or put his arm around her; but it was just wishful thinking for her chance had past many years ago. Now they were only friends. _You know you've always waited for him. _She shook her head. _It's too late. _  
  


**~~~*~~~**

Pulling into Hogsmeade, Sirius helped her load her trunks into a Hogwarts carriage. "Ah, Renae, there is _one thing_ I forgot to mention earlier."   
  
  


"Oh, what's that?"   
  
  


Sirius knew quite well how she would take his news. He conveniently kept this bit of news to himself, he knew her too well, and he needed to get her to come back with him.   
  


"There's a new potions teacher this year, an alumnus. You may remember him, Merlinknows_ I _do!"   
  
  


"Who?" Sirius opened the carriage door for her, thinking of how to break it to her.   
  


"I'll give you two words," he looked at her as he paused for dramatics, "slimy git."   
  
  
  
  


She dropped her satchel as she climbed in. "Are you serious? _Not Snape!_" He nodded. 

"You wait until _now_ to tell me!" She nailed him in the arm.   
  


"_Oww_!"   
  
  


"You _knew_ I would refuse if I had known Snape was here, _you pain in my ass!_"   
  
  


He rubbed his aching arm. "_Bloody hell_, I forgot how hard you hit!"   
  
  


Sirius remembered the last time she hit him. It was their fifth year, her last at Hogwarts, and he had asked her to the Yule Ball. 

  
  


****(Flashback)** **

He ran up behind her as they left the dungeons. "So, Renae, have a partner for the ball yet?"   
  
  


"No, why?"   
  
  


"Go with me, then."   
  
  


She stopped, her eyes nearly bulging out. "_What?_"   
  
  


"Come on, go with me. You'll have a good time!"   
  
  


Laughing, she started walking again. "Yeah, and then you'll break my heart like all the others. I'd rather leave our friendship _intact_, thank you."   
  
  


"What makes you think I'll do anything to hurt you?" he asked, feeling rather hurt.  
  
  


"Because I know you, and _you know you_. Name one girl whose heart you haven't broken."   
  
  


_That's easy, _he thought. "Lily..."   
  
  


"And don't tell me Lily Evans, you wouldn't dare step in James' line of fire."   
  
  


"You, then."   
  
  


"_Ha_, I haven't given you the opportunity, so I don't count either."   
  
  


He took her arm as they got close to the library. "Renae, I'll be a perfect gentleman, I swear to Merlin," he said, putting his hand over his heart.   
  
  
  
Her hand reached up and cupped his cheek. "Sirius, you know you're dear to me, but we both know you don't take any girl you go out with seriously. I won't end up any different. Why risk what we already have?"   
  
  


"Because it doesn't have to be that way," he pulled her close enough for him to take in the delicate scent of violets that always permeated her skin, "you're not like the others."   
  
  
  
For a moment they stared into each other's eyes before she quickly closed her eyes and stepped back. "I don't want to risk it, I'd rather be your friend than a statistic."   
  
  


"But…" She nailed him in the arm. "Oww!_ Now_, what did I do?"   
  
  


"_Get off it!_ I'm not going with you, alright."   
  
  


"Alright," he answered, as she quickly ran down the corridor.   
  
  
  


****(End Flashback)**  **

Since that day he decided he'd rather keep it to himself and keep her friendship than risk it all by telling her he loved her. After she went back to America, it had become easy to put his true feelings aside; but as she now sat next to him, he found the old feelings returning. _Merlin, she's still beautiful. If only I could stop loving you. _He shook his head._ I am in so much trouble._   
  


"Something wrong, Sirius?" Renae was looking at him as if she was trying to determine whether or not he was crazy.   
  


"Huh?"   
  
  


"Is something wrong? You had that look."   
  
  


He adjusted his collar, his usual nervous habit. "No, I'm fine. Just a little tired," he answered, loosening his tie. _Why are these carriages always so stuffy?_   
  


"Oh, okay," she said, looking rather unconvinced.   
  
  
  


**~~~*~~~**

_What in the world was that? _  
  


He remembered using Dumbledore's Pensieve before but this flower seemed to make him _relive_ two people's memories, not just see them! Being a spectator was one thing, but hopping between two people's minds was another. Slowly he opened his hand and stared at the tiny item. How did something so innocent become so powerful? The tingling began to creep up his arm again. Knowing what would surely follow, Harry quickly went to place the violet back its box. But before he could let go of the flower, he felt the world dim and spin around him once more… 


	2. Risky, isn't it?

**_Risky, isn't it?_**   
  


_~2~_   
  


Six years had past since Renae had last looked upon the great oak doors leading into Hogwarts castle. Sirius stood beside her. "What's wrong?"   
  


She looked over at him, knowing very well he could tell she was shaking. "It's strange, coming back." She turned back to the doors, "all of a sudden I'm not sure I can do this."   
  


"Of course you can. You've already come this far," he said, putting a hand on her shoulder. She was quickly swept back to the first time he ever touched her. Like before, the gentle weight of his hand comforted her, as his fingers lightly gripped her shoulder. Renae closed her eyes, letting the memory of that day flood back.  
  


****(Flashback)****

Renae stood outside the great oak doors to Hogwarts castle, along with the other first years. Her parents had been sent to Britain only a month before, and she was still getting use to the climate. Her robes and cloak didn't seem to help a bit on the boat ride, for the damp chill air cut through to the bone.   
  


Standing with her new classmates, she suddenly found herself very afraid. She missed her friends in New Hampshire, all of whom were starting at Blakmore while she stood in front of these huge doors, cold and friendless.   
  


Hagrid, the huge man who had lead them to this spot, made his way to the front of the crowd and pushed the heavy doors open as if they were made of paper. Stepping aside, Renae let most of the other students go in before her. She preferred the back, where she could hide, at least until she had the courage to be seen. A cool breeze blew and she wrapped her cloak around her tighter.   
  


"You look like your freezing!"   
  


She turned to see a tall, dark haired boy standing next to her. His smile was warm and she found it hard not to beam back. "I _am_ freezing!"   
  
  


He stepped closer to her, chuckling. "Then why are you just standing here?"

Realizing how stupid it would sound to tell him she wanted to be the last one in, she shrugged her shoulders and told him the first thing to pop into her head. "I don't know anyone to walk with."   
  
  


Smiling, the boy stretched out his hand. "Sirius Black, and you are?"   
  
  


"Renae Wallis," she answered as another breeze blew, making her shiver. He chuckled again, pulling back his hand, realizing she was too busy keeping warm to release her cloak.   
  


"There, now you know someone to walk with," he put his hand on her shoulder and began leading her into the Entrance Hall, "now let's get inside before you turn blue."

****** **(End of Flashback)****   
  


Sirius released her shoulder and pushed open the great oak doors, snapping Renae back into the present. As soon as she crossed the threshold into the Entrance Hall, Professor McGonagall greeted them. She looked just the same as Renae remembered.   
  


"Renae Wallis, welcome back!"   
  
  


"Hello, Professor McGonagall," she said, setting down her satchel. The two quickly embraced.   
  


"Oh, please, call me Minerva. You're not a student anymore, Renae."   
  
  


"Alright, Minerva," she lightly chuckled. _That sounds so strange coming out of my mouth. _

McGonagall gave a smile and motioned to her right. "I'll show you to your room," she looked at Sirius and then Renae's trunks, "would you mind handling those dear?" With a grunt of disapproval, he levitated them in front of him.   
  


Sirius followed behind them, his wand aimed at the trunks floating in front of him as McGonagall lead them through the corridors. "Albus hoped you would come. I as well," she looked back at Sirius, "I trust there were no problems?" Sirius faced turned red.   
  


"Are you insinuating I would cause some sort of problem?" Sirius asked as Renae chuckled.   
  


McGonagall raised her eyebrow. "Well Sirius, you may be an Auror, and a good one at that, but you still have quite the mischievous streak in you." Sirius' face contorted. Not missing an opportunity, Renae quickly chimed in.   
  


"Well, besides the unruly chalk, missing quill, books glued shut, papers flying through the air, general chaos, and amazing white rat; I'd say he was quite the gentleman." McGonagall gave them a questioning look as Sirius' jaw nearly hit the floor. Renae fought back a laugh.   
  


"_Thanks, Renae,_" he snarled.   
  


"Your welcome," she grinned. _Renae one, Sirius nothing! Just like old times._   
  


They stopped in front of a painting of violets. "How appropriate," Sirius chuckled. McGonagall stepped forward.   
  


"Falcon," the panel opened to reveal a narrow passageway to the chamber, "I thought you would remember it easily," McGonagall added, looking at Renae.

  
  


"Proctor Falcons. I think I can remember my old hall's mascot."   
  
  


McGonagall gave her a smile. "Well, I will leave you to get settled. Good night."   
  
  


"Good night," Sirius and Renae said in unison as they watched McGonagall walk down the corridor and disappear around a corner.   
  


Renae tapped Sirius on the shoulder, "Well, come on." She turned and walked into the passageway.   
  


"What, you're not going to help carry the trunks now that McGonagall's gone?"   
  
  


"You've done fine so far," she turned around and met his gaze as he stood there with his hands on his hips, "or is it _too much for you?_" she added, as if talking to a five year old.   
  


He quickly levitated the trunks once more and pointed them down the passageway. "Women!"   
  
  
  
  


********

Sirius sat down on the couch in front of the fireplace as Renae unpacked. The room was beautiful, and warm. Sitting, facing the large windows to the left of the fireplace, he rested his arm on top of the couch. "Nice room."   
  
  
  
"Yeah, it is isn't it?" Renae looked up from the dresser across from her bed, only yards away from him. He couldn't help but stare as she bent over her trunk to retrieve more clothes. As she did, she looked over and their eyes met. Motionless, staring at one another, an awkward silence fell over them.   
  


Sirius was becoming very uncomfortable. It was taking all his willpower to resist going over, wrapping his arms around the woman, and pulling her into the kiss he so greatly desired. _Damn it; get out of here before you lose it!_   
  


"Well, I guess I better be going," he said, pulling his eyes away from her. Renae dropped the clothes in her arms onto the floor with a distinctive _flump_.   
  


"Already?" she asked as she walked around the couch, her smile replaced with a look Sirius could only describe as fear.   
  


"Something wrong?"   
  
"Ah, no, not exactly," she said, as she began to wring her hands.   
  


"What is it?" Sirius pointed to her hands, her usual give away.   
  


She sat down beside him, crossing her legs. The slit in the side of her skirt exposed her legs up to the knee; he tried to not stare as the back of his neck became warm. "I just… well," she was stammering now, which was very unlike her, "I hate being alone in a new place. You're going to laugh but, I can't sleep and I get, well…"   
  


  
"Scared?" he finished.   
  


"Yeah. Stupid I know," she put her head in her hands, but she didn't succeed in hiding the red that swept over her face. Sirius wanted to pull her to him, protecting her from all her fears. "No. Who doesn't find a new place a little frightening? I do."   
  
  


"Really," she looked up at him, "I never saw you as the type."   
  
  


"Well, I don't usually admit that," he started to laugh. "Come to think of it, I've _never_ admitted that." No matter how hard he tried, he always found himself telling her exactly what was on his mind; well, everything but his true feelings for her.   
  


Her soft laughter sent a warm tingle down his back. Sirius adjusted his collar. _Should I?_ It was doubtful, but he was willing to give it a try. "I, ah, could stay if you'd like."   
  
  


Smiling, she grabbed his hand, "Would you?"   
  
  


Startled, he nodded as the realization of his staying that night sunk in. _Now you're really in trouble!_   
  


Sirius tried desperately not to think about the softness of her skin, or the warmth of her touch that radiated up his arm. Oh, how long he had wished she would do just that. Like a second year student, he found himself wishing she would move closer, lean against him so he could breath deep that violet scented skin.   
  


_Oh, Merlin! _  
  


She had scooted closer, their legs now pressing against each other. The way she had her legs crossed had sent her one leg crossing over his, just barely touching his knee.   
  


_Dear, Merlin, take my mind off her. Anything, any thought, please! _  
  


Renae reached over and took hold of his hand. Inside, he felt as if a tornado was whirling in his stomach.   
  


"Sirius, do you remember that day after Potions, when you asked me to the Yule Ball?"   
  
His heart shot up into his throat. They had never talked about what had happened that day; they had always acted as if that day had never even occurred. Why would she bring it up now? He tried to answer her, but the lump in his throat prevented a single word from escaping.   
  


Her hand squeezed his. "Sirius?"   
  
  


Quickly he choked down the lump in his throat. "Y, yeah."   
  
  


"Do you remember?"   
  
  
  
The warmth of her touch was making its way up his neck. "Y, yes, I remember. W, why do you ask?" he stammered, sweat trickling down his neck. _Does that fire have to be so damn hot?_   
  


"I was wondering… I think about that day a lot," she looked into his eyes, "and I often wonder if I did the right thing."   
  
  
_Damn, this collar is tight. _He reached up and fought with the already unbuttoned collar. "Hhh, how do you mean?"   
  
  


Renae now held his hand in both of hers. Sirius' heart was now pounding against his ribs. No other woman had ever had this effect on him, had him so close to falling to his knees.   
  


"I almost said yes," she looked down, "but I was too afraid." With his free hand, he lifted her head, and stared into her eyes as a tear ran down her cheek.   
  


"Afraid of what?" he whispered, cupping her soft chin in his palm.   
  


"Afraid of having my heart broken," tears rolled down her cheeks, "but here I did it to myself by never telling you how much I loved you."   
  
  


He wiped away her tears with his thumb. It always broke his heart to see her cry.   
  


"I always knew you loved me, we are friends after all," he chuckled. She leaned into him, her chest pressing against him. Sweat continued to bead down his neck and spine. Sirius was sure the back of his shirt was drenched by now.   
  


"No, Sirius, not as friends," she smiled, "risking it all, I'm telling you…_I love you_."   
  
  
  
  


Without a second thought, he gently slid his hand behind her neck, pulling her closer until his lips pressed against hers. The scent of violets filled his nostrils as her lips parted, inviting his tongue into the warm, sweet cavern. Slowly her hands trailed their way up his chest as he pulled her closer. Holding her tight, the heat generating between their bodies was becoming almost unbearable.   
  


********

Renae felt like she was floating. His kiss was everything he was, sweet and gentle, yet playful and strong. She could feel the sweat on the back of his neck as her hands ran up, her fingers wrapping themselves in his hair. Gently, he began leaning back, carefully climbing on top of her. The weight of his body on hers sent shivers down her spine, and she relished every moment of it.   
  


His touch was gentler than she ever thought possible from those strong, playful hands. Often she had dreamed what that very moment would be like, but she never imagined it like this. She let out a soft moan as he deepened the kiss, his hands running down her chest. _Oh, Merlin, if I'm dreaming, don't let me ever wake! _  
  


His fingertips slowly trailed down her side until they reached the slit of her skirt. Finding it, he began to lightly run his fingers on her bare skin, leaving a trail of goose bumps behind. The tingle his touch sent through her body was becoming excruciating. She never felt like this before, every inch of her body was crying out for him. If it wasn't satisfied, she felt she would go mad.   
  


Sirius softly released her lower lip from between his lips. "Are you sure you want to take a risk?" he whispered, his eyes melting her with their gaze.   
  


_I should have done this years ago, _she thought with a smile. "I already have." 

His heart was beating against hers, his eyes pulling her in. She'd give anything to lose herself in those dark pools for eternity. He brushed her hair back, then gently ran his fingertips down her cheek and along her neck. Wanting to savour every sensation, she closed her eyes, losing all sense of time and place. Letting a soft moan escape her lips, she opened her eyes to see his smile.   
  


"I meant it when I said I would never hurt you. I loved you," he wiped a happy tear off her cheek, his voice wavering as he continued, "I _still_ love you."   
  
  
  
Pulling him closer, their lips again met as his hands felt their way down her side once more. Renae felt the world spin around them as she lost herself in his caress.   
  


********

His every wish was coming true. He could feel her body shiver as goose bumps rose in the wake of his touch. Smooth as silk, her skin was warm and fragrant. Softly he began to kiss his way down her neck, drawing supple moans from her lips as she lightly clawed at his back. From her fingertips, she drew tingles down his back, which excited him even more. He knew he was more than prepared and gently pressed himself against her, she gasped at the sensation that sent sparks through him as well.   
  


_No, you can't, not yet._

_But she wants the same thing, why hold back?_

_Do you want to hurt her?_

_No._

_Then don't push her; she came to you, remember. _  
  


He was arguing with himself. One side wanted to proceed to the obvious conclusion; the other wanted to take the safer road. He couldn't risk it all for one night of passion, he wanted more than that, he wanted forever. The heat swelling from the friction between their bodies was getting out of control.   
  


_Sirius, stop!_   
  


********

He quickly pulled away from her. "We can't. I'm sorry." 

"What? Why?" She felt her heart almost stop.   
  


Hovering over her, his body still pulsing against hers, he stared into her eyes. "I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to go too fast." That was the last thing she ever expected to hear from Sirius, Hogwarts' Casanova.   
  


"Sirius, I've known you for eleven years. I know everything about you, and you know everything about me. How much slower could we have possibly gone?" The surprise in his eyes made her giggle.   
  


"But…"   
  
  
She put her hand on the back of his neck and pulled him closer. "Sirius, I don't want to wait. I've waited long enough," her voice dropped to a soft whisper as their lips almost touched, "I want you, _now and always_."   
  
  
  
He closed the small distance between them, pressing his lips to hers once more. She let all her inhibitions go to the wind as her body succumbed to his touch. Renae felt a storm building up inside of her as his fingers grazed her neckline, his well-prepared body pressing against her. _Sweet Merlin, he's good at this! With so much practice he should be. _She chuckled at the thought.   
  


"What?" he whispered as his lips pulled away from her collarbone.   
  


"Nothing," she giggled, "that just tickled."   
  
  


With a devious smile, he began unbuttoning her shirt.   
  


****~~~~~****

_Oh, thank Merlin!_ Harry couldn't be more grateful that he didn't have to relive more of that from her eyes. It was like making love to his godfather, on second thought, it _was _making love to his godfather. He shivered as he opened his hand and looked at the violet. How was it doing this?   
  


_I need to put this back before it happens again!_ As his hand sat above the wooden box, his curiosity grabbed hold of him again   
  


_Why hasn't he ever told me about her? _  
  


He knew there had to be a reason. Maybe this little flower held the answer. He slowly wrapped his fingers around the violet again. At first, he thought the flower was done, for no tingling sensation came. Then, just before he was going to call it a night, the spinning sensation began once again, slowly climbing up his arm…


	3. A difficult road is ahead

**_A difficult road is ahead…_**   
  
  


_~3~_   
  


A ray of sunlight made its way through a break in the curtains, landing on Renae's face. The warmth of the rays made their way deeper and deeper into her skin, until it was uncomfortably hot. "Ah," she rubbed her eyes before opening them, "oh, shit!" Her muggle clock on the nightstand said it was nine o'clock.   
  


"Sirius." She leaned up on her elbow and put her hand on his bare chest, gently shaking him, "Sirius, wake up." He grumbled incoherently. "_Sirius_," she shook him harder. Still no reaction. _Maybe this will wake you up!_   
  


She kissed him, and an arm wrapped around her, flipping her over onto her back. He deepened the kiss, preventing her from voicing surprise. When their lips left each other, she looked up into his eyes, giggling. "I should have known you were faking," she chuckled.   
  


"But you didn't," he grinned. He went to kiss her again, but she slid her head aside, his face landing into the pillow beside her. "What was _that_ for?" he asked as she laughed.   
  


"If we get started on that again, you'll be even more late."   
  
  


"What?"   
  
  


Renae rolled him off her. "It's after nine."   
  
  
  
  


****** **

"Oh, shit, James will kill me!" Leaping out of bed, his feet got caught in the sheets and he landed on the floor with a dull thud. Renae's laughter filled the room. "_Ha, ha_, that hurt you know!"   
  
  


"Sorry, it's just," she began to giggle, "you look so funny sprawled out on the floor, your bare ass in the sunlight!" She doubled over with laughter as Sirius grabbed a handful of the sheets. "I think you're whiter than the curtains!" Sirius grabbed a pillow off the floor and threw it, hitting her in the side of the head.   
  


"_Oww_!" Quickly, he covered his lower half and stood up. "Ah, now I didn't say I didn't enjoy the sight," she protested.   
  


The inviting grin on her face forced him to smile. "Oh, really?" He jumped back up on the bed, but before he could pounce on her yet again, a voice bellowed from the fireplace.   
  


"Renae?"   
  
  
  
  


"Shit, it's James!" Sirius dove off the other side of the bed, landing on the floor, the sheets falling on top of him. She leaned over and grabbed one of the sheets.   
  


"Coming James!" Sirius watched as she wrapped herself in the sheet and headed towards the fireplace. _Thank Merlin the couch is in the way. _Then he remembered where he left his clothes. _Oh, no._   
  


********

Renae wrapped herself in the sheet and walked over to the couch. James' face was in the fire, looking rather upset. "Hi, James," she gave him a smile, "long time, no see."   
  
  
  
  


He eyed the sofa in front of her. "I _was_ going to ask you if you knew where Sirius was, but," he noticed Sirius' clothes all over the cushions, "I've already found him." She grinned sheepishly as James smiled at her. "I knew it would happen sooner or later, too bad it wasn't _sooner._" Her jaw dropped as James laughed. "Sirius, come out, I know you're there…and probably naked from what I can see!" James bellowed from the fire.   
  


"Not entirely!" Sirius shouted as he walked up beside her, also wrapped up in a sheet.   
  


"_Thank Merlin_, the last thing I needed was seeing you full monty!"   
  
  


"I can still give you a view!" he joked, beginning to unwrap the sheet. Renae grabbed his arm to stop him.   
  


"Please, _spare him_," she laughed.   
  


"Yes, listen to the woman!"   
  
  


"Shut up, James!"   
  
  


  
  
  


"Alright, in all seriousness, _why the hell are you still there?_ Dumbledore's been expecting you, and you _didn't give him my cloak!_"   
  
  


Sirius stammered a bit. "Well, I borrowed it first, and…"   
  
  


James interrupted him. "Explain later, we need you here, _now!_ The Longbottoms didn't come in last night."   
  
  
  
  


A look of panic crossed Sirius' face as he began grabbing his clothes off the couch. "I'll be there in twenty minutes!"   
  
  


"Alright," James gave her a wink, "_Bye, Renae!_"   
  
  


"_Bye, James_," she grinned as his face disappeared.   
  


Sirius flew around the room, throwing on his robes as Renae put on her dressing gown. He was about to go out the door when she called to him. "Ah, Sirius, are you forgetting something?" He turned around to see her holding up his boxer shorts.   
  


"Damn," he muttered, walking over and grabbing them.   
  


**~~~*~~~**   
  


Sirius, fully dressed, followed Renae out into the corridor. "I'm sorry I have to leave like this."   
  
  


"Sirius, it's okay. I understand."   
  
  


Pulling her to him, he gave her a knee-weakening kiss. "I'll write to you." She giggled, enjoying being in his arms.   
  


"You better," she said as she smiled and kissed him again. With that, he ran down the corridor and around the corner. She stood there for a moment, staring down the empty corridor.   
  


"I see you had a _pleasant _evening, Wallis."   
  
  


She turned around to see Snape, his arms crossed like usual. She made sure her dressing gown was on tight. "You should have made you presence known," she scowled.   
  


Snape sneered. "What, and miss that _touching scene?_"   
  
  


"Still need to watch Sirius to get your kicks?" His smile fell. _You seem to have forgotten, Snape, I still know how to piss you off! _As she was telling herself this, his sneer returned.   
  


"If that's all the kicks he gave you, then perhaps you aren't paying him enough," Snape said sardonically.   
  
  
  


Now she was the one pissed. Oh, the hexes she'd love to throw at him, if only she had her wand. "Watch yourself, _Snape_, I don't think Aleanor would approve of you comparing her prices!" she grinned as his face turned red with anger. Before he could close the distance between them, a voice called over to them.   
  


"Oh, good, just the two I needed to see," McGonagall walked up to them, eyeing Renae's dressing gown, "I do hope you will be changing into something more appropriate?"   
  
  


"Yes, Minerva," she answered, suddenly feeling quite naked.   
  


"Good," she turned to Snape, "there will be a meeting in the staff room in an hour," she looked back at Renae, "I expect to see you both there."   
  
  


They nodded and McGonagall continued down the corridor. As she turned a corner, Snape grabbed Renae's arm.   
  


"You ever speak about Aleanor like that again, and Black will be able to carry your remains in a _matchbox_." His glare was deadly, and for a moment she felt her heart stop. He let go of her arm and followed McGonagall.   
  


**~~~*~~~**   
  


"One minute late." James sat at his desk, emptying a cup of tea before picking up a new cup and filling it. Sirius threw his cloak on his chair.   
  


"_Sorry, Prongs_," he answered sarcastically, "I didn't realize you were timing me."   
  
  


James quickly stood up, handing him the hot cup of tea. "Here Padfoot, you look awful."

"Thanks," he said as he drained the cup, "I needed that. So what's going on with the Longbottoms?"   
  
  


His friend's face fell.   
  


"Dumbledore went out to Little Hangleton about ten minutes ago. That's the last place we heard from them." Sirius knew the situation was bad if Dumbledore was out looking for them.   
  


"What about their boy?" Sirius remembered their son was about the same age as James' boy, Harry, his godson.   
  


"They left Neville at his mother's. We've told her all we know."   
  
  
  
Sirius ran a hand through his hair. No matter how much he didn't want to admit it, he knew that if they found them, it wouldn't be good. "Merlin, Prongs," he looked at his old friend, "he's not going to stop until he gets to us all." Sirius watched as James picked up a picture up from his desk. For a moment James stood there, staring at it.   
  


Sirius knew exactly which one it was, the same one James always picked up, the picture of Lily and Harry. Suddenly, thinking of Renae, he understood what James must have been thinking every time he looked at that picture.   
  


"Let's hope we stop him before it comes to that," James answered, a sound of acknowledged defeat in his voice, though he would keep fighting this battle for his family, as Sirius would for Renae.   
  


**~~~*~~~**   
  


Having quickly put herself together, Renae ran to the staff room, walking in to find she was the last to get there. Snape grinned as she closed the door behind her. "About _bloody time_, Wallis."   
  
  


"_Shut it, Snape_," she snapped as McGonagall quickly stepped between them.   
  


"We all know how you two feel about each other," she put a hand on each of their shoulders, "but I'm afraid _both of you_ will have to put your differences _aside!_" The glare she gave them stressed her authority. It had not been that long since she was their teacher, and her ability to put them in their place was a strong as ever.   
  


"Yes, Minerva," they mumbled in unison, still glaring at each other.   
  


McGonagall slowly dropped her hold of them. "For those who do not know, Renae Wallis is here to fill in my position until Albus' return." Renae smiled at her old professors, feeling like she was very out of place. _Why am I so nervous, I'm a teacher for heaven's sake!_ Her thoughts were interrupted by McGonagall continuing, "Now, the reason I called you all here this morning…   
  
  
  
**~~~*~~~**   
  


Sirius flopped onto his couch. The past few weeks had been a nightmare. The Longbottoms had finally come back in, with the help of Dumbledore. They felt they had gotten close to Voldemort's location, and may have, the way they barely got out of there alive. Thank Merlin they only had physical scars to show for it, they would heal. Sirius had feeling, however, that next time it would be worse. Something told him that all their lives were going to be torn apart before this war with Voldemort would end.   
  


Grabbing a handful of powder from a jar on the mantelpiece, he threw it in and called Renae. Shortly afterward her face appeared in the fire. "Hi Sirius! What's wrong?"   
  
  


"Can I come over?"   
  
  


"Of course you can. You know you don't need to ask."   
  
  


He did indeed know, but still didn't feel right, walking in whenever he pleased. "Thanks, I'll be there in a few minutes."   
  
  


"Alright," she smiled, making him feel a little bit better. _That's exactly what I need right now!_   
  


He threw a change of clothes and a bottle of rum in a bag before Apparating into Hogsmeade and walking his way up to the castle. Sometimes the walk helped to calm his nerves. With each step he could hear the slush of the rum in his bag. Renae had never been much for rum, but lately she had taken a liking to it, mostly due to his bringing it on nights like this. Entering the castle, he groaned. He had walked right into the last person he wanted to see.   
  


"Back again, Black?"   
  
  


"Snape, go get your jollies somewhere else," he said, continuing towards Renae's room.   
  


"Wallis must be quite the playmate for you to keep stringing her along."   
  
  


He turned and walked over, grabbing Snape by the collar of his robes. "Don't you ever talk about Renae like that again. Unlike you, I have someone to love," he grinned as the colour in Snape's face left, "_yes_… I know she hasn't spoken to you for nearly two years now. _I wonder why?_" Sirius threw him back into the wall and proceeded to Renae's room.   
  


********

She put down her book as she heard the passageway to her chamber open. "Sirius?"   
  
  


He walked in and dropped his bag. "Mind if I stay?" Several times he had stayed the night, being careful to slip out either before breakfast, or during classes. Once, McGonagall caught him, but only mildly scolded him before advising him to keep a low profile.   
  


"You know the answer." He gave a weak smile. "Do you want to talk about it?"   
  
  


Sitting next to her, he kissed her, long and soft. "No, right now I just want you next to me."   
  
  
  
  


His eyes were so sad; Renae could only imagine what he must have been going through. She had found herself worrying about him more and more everyday. Being an Auror was a difficult job, and it was taking its toll on him. Each time he came to stay with her, to escape his thoughts, it took longer for the life to return to his eyes. Renae was afraid that one day, she would no longer be able to rekindle it. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him passionately.   
  


**~~~*~~~**

The months passed by quickly. As term ended, Renae found herself staying at Hogwarts over the summer. It had become a daily ritual for her to sit at the Head table for breakfast, reading the Daily Prophet, praying there wouldn't be any bad news about Sirius. Several times she had gone to St. Mungo's to see him, each time his injuries were worse. How Lily survived everyday like this with an infant, she had no idea.   
  


Today, she sat sipping her coffee, ignoring the stare Snape gave her and opening the paper. Reading the front page, she dropped her coffee.   
  


**_American Archaeologist found dead_**

_Aleanor Delaney, a top archaeologist with the American Ministry, was found dead last night outside her parents' London flat. James Potter, Ministry Auror, has confirmed that Delaney was the victim of the Killing Curse, at the hand of one of You-Know-Who's Death Eaters. Potter refused to comment on a possible motive; though it has already been rumored she was targeted due to her resent discovery, which the Ministry has classified. Miss Delaney's parents were last seen yesterday morning, preparing to visit their son and his family in America; they had no comment on their daughter's death. _  
  


She looked over at Snape. He must not have heard. He had been gone a lot lately, and last night he had come in very late. She only knew this because she had been out walking the corridors, her usual activity when she couldn't sleep. Leaving the Entrance Hall, she heard the oak doors opening, and peaking around a corner to see which student she would be giving detention to, she was surprised to see Snape walking in.   
  


Despite how much she loathed him, she knew he had to know. Even the slimy git was bound to have a heart, right? Quietly she stood up and sat beside him. "What do you want?" he quickly growled. She handed him the paper.   
  


"Have you read the paper yet?" He grabbed it out of her hand.   
  


"No, why?" he snapped. She nodded for him to read it. As he unfolded it, she watched his face turn ghostly white. Quickly he folded it back up and left it on the table as he walked out of the Great Hall.   
  


She sat there wondering about his reaction for a while. She remembered how Snape and Aleanor were in school, after third year, they were almost inseparable, at least when Lucius Malfoy wasn't around. It never seemed to bother Lily, but it sure used to grate Sirius' nerves, not to mention Malfoy. Renae was very sure that was the only thing Sirius and Malfoy ever agreed on, they hated Aleanor and Snape's relationship. It was hard for Sirius to hate Snape, when Lily's best friend was in love with him. The Marauders had to make sure Aleanor wasn't around when they made Snape the butt of their jokes.   
  


_Oh, shit, Sirius!_   
  


She ran to her room to write to him, she knew this would hit him as well. Though he never showed it to anyone else, she knew he didn't take death very well when it was so close to those he loved. Lily must be a wreck as well. _Sirius is right, we're not going to get through this…and if any of us do, at what cost?_   
  


****~~~~~****

Harry felt the world slowly swirl back around him. Setting the violet on his desk, he saw that only five minutes had past since he had picked the flower up off the floor. Surely those memories lasted longer than that!   
  


Reaching for a cup of tea, he looked at a framed picture of his parents. He enjoyed getting to see his father through their eyes. He always liked to see him, even though it made his heart ache. Harry stared at the flower, deciding whether or not to pick it up, and relive more. His hand hovered over it….


	4. I was mistaken

**_I was mistaken…_**   
  


_~4~_   
  


Harry quickly picked up the violet and as expected, the next memory came quickly…   
  
  
  


**~~~*~~~**

Sirius stared at the great oak doors for a moment before pushing them open. During the summer holidays, the Entrance Hall was usually empty, but today the silence was deafening. He had stopped by the Potter's home that morning. Lily was taking it hard. She was getting ready for the funeral, silently bursting into tears every couple of minutes.   
  


Little Harry wasn't helping much, tearing into every cabinet he could reach, pulling everything out. Seeing how Lily couldn't handle keeping an eye on Harry, putting herself together, and deal with her friend's death, Sirius offered to take the child out to the park for a while. Lily had gladly accepted. Playing with Harry outside helped him forget how many friends he had lost in the past year. At least for a while.   
  


Now, standing in the silent Entrance Hall, he had to face reality once again. He was in the only safe place left in this world. Would it remain safe? He feared what would happen if these hallowed halls no longer protected the future of the wizarding world. His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of footsteps.   
  


Renae walked into the Entrance Hall. Her black robes didn't do much for her complexion, but they certainly matched the sadness in her eyes. Without a word, they walked towards each other and embraced. As he held her tight against his chest, he kissed the top of her head, inhaling the violet scent as he closed his eyes. "I don't know what I would do without you, you're the reason I get through each day."   
  
  
  
  


She looked up at him, tears rolling down her cheeks. "So are you," she smiled. They stayed there for a few minutes, quietly holding each other.   
  


Slowly he released her. "We need to get going, the funeral is at four." She nodded, wiping away the few tears that were left. Taking her arm, he led her out of the castle.   
  


**~~~*~~~**

Just outside of Cambridge, standing around Aleanor's casket, Renae felt the memory of her mother's funeral flooding back to her. She knew many of her classmates from Hogwarts had died over the past few years, but this was the first one whose funeral she could attend. She wasn't as close to Aleanor as Lily, but she was saddened just the same.   
  


Aleanor's brother Gregory stood across from her, on the other side of the casket. Renae had heard his parents had decided to stay in America, but she thought they would have returned for this. Holding onto Sirius' arm, she looked to her left to see how Lily was doing.   
  


James had Harry in one arm, while Lily held onto his other arm. Tears ran down her red face as she stared blankly at the casket. James whispered something to her, which made her quickly look up. Renae followed Lily's stare; up on the hill, away from everyone else, stood Snape.   
  


Sirius' hold on her arm grew tighter. Leaning over, he whispered to her. "I can't believe he would dare show his face here." If looks could kill, Snape would have been worse off than if the Killing Curse had hit him.   
  


"Why?" Without answering her, he let go of her arm and stepped away.   
  


_What is going on here? _Renae thought to herself as Sirius walked behind her and whispered something to James.   
  


She watched as James handed Harry back to Lily. Renae stepped closer to Lily. As she did Harry grabbed her robes and began tugging at them. "Lily, what's going on with Snape?"   
  
  
  


Lily pulled Renae's robes out of Harry's hand. "I'll explain later."   
  
  


Looking across from them, she saw James and Sirius talking to Gregory, whose face went redder than his hair. She saw his hands clench into tight fists at his sides as he looked up the hill at Snape. _Oh no._   
  


Quickly she made her way through the people and around to the other side. She could tell something bad was about to happen. As she reached the other side of the mourners, James, Sirius, and Gregory were walking up the hill towards Snape, who stood motionless, arms crossed as usual. Quickly she fell in line behind them.   
  


"How dare you show your face here? _Leave now!_" Gregory hissed at Snape in a tone that made Renae want to disappear, even though it wasn't addressed to her.   
  


"I have just as much right to be here as you," Snape responded, devoid of emotion.  
  


"_Bloody hell you do! _My sister would be alive if it weren't for _you!_"   
  
  


For a moment, Renae saw something flash in Snape's eyes and she felt a lump form in her throat. She never thought it possible, but now she knew she had been wrong all these years. Just as quickly as it appeared in his eyes, it vanished, followed by a renewed strength.   
  


Snape glared at Gregory, a glare more penetrating than any knife could ever be. "Her death was not by my hands, Delaney."   
  
  
  


Gregory slowly walked towards Snape. Renae recognized the look on his face; her third year, Gregory's sixth, he had that same look before he nearly pummeled Lucius Malfoy into a pulp for insulting his sister. _This isn't good!_   
  


********

Sirius glanced at James as Gregory walked towards Snape. Words weren't necessary between them. James' look read . . . _Stay out of this, let him handle it. _With a nod, Sirius agreed. He realized, then, Gregory had pulled his wand out of his robes and was aiming it at Snape. Before Sirius could blink, someone dashed past them and in front of Snape.   
  


"Renae, get out of the way, I don't want you to get hurt," Gregory growled not even looking at her; his gaze was fixed on Snape.   
  


"No," Renae crossed her arms, which eerily echoed the figure she was protecting. She looked down towards Lily, who was again staring blankly at the black casket. Renae knew Lily was too grief stricken to talk some sense into Gregory, so she had to. "Aleanor wouldn't want you doing this, and neither do I!" 

"I mean it Renae, _MOVE!_" Gregory stepped forward, aiming his wand right at her. Sirius leaped forward and grabbed him by the arm. Gregory pushed him back, his gaze now fixed on Renae. "I will move you out of my way if I have to," he nodded towards Snape, "that filthy _Death Eater_ is going to pay!" Renae's eyes showed the shock of that statement. She knew Sirius had always suspected Snape, as did James, but Gregory stood there declaring it openly.   
  
  


The woman stepped closer to Gregory. Sirius tried to pull her out of the way, but she quickly pulled out her wand and stopped him. "No, Sirius. If I move, it will be of my own accord." Renae and Gregory were now only a meter apart, their wands aimed at each other.   
  


Sirius looked at James. "James, _do something!_"   
  
  


"Like what?" The shock on his friends face was clear. Neither of them knew how to defuse this situation.   
  


"Snape had nothing to do with Aleanor's death, that much I'm sure of. And nothing you do to him will bring her back, Gregory," Renae said, glaring at the man.   
  


Gregory's voice sent chills down Sirius' spine as he responded, "That _bastard_ is one of them. A vile, mindless, murdering _Death Eater_, just like the ones who killed your mother. What do you think she would say about you protecting one of them? _Would she be proud of her little girl?_" The way in which the last question slid off his tongue made Sirius' skin crawl; he had never heard Gregory speak like that before.   
  


"Think Gregory…would Aleanor want you to become nothing more than a murderer yourself… like a Death Eater?" They stood staring at each, the tension between them unbearable. Finally, tears began pouring down his face as Gregory dropped his wand. James let out a sigh of relief.   
  


Renae put her wand back in her robes as Sirius walked over to her, quickly pulling her into his arms. "What were you thinking?" he whispered as held her tight.   
  


"I couldn't let him do something foolish, I owe that much to Aleanor." She buried her face into his chest as he held her tight.  
  
  


"Sirius, where's Snape?" James asked. 

Renae pulled her head up as Sirius looked up at James, asking, "What do you mean, where's Snape?" Gregory was now collapsed on the ground, a blubbering mess. James was standing beside him.   
  


"I was trying to calm Gregory down and when I turned back, Snape was gone."   
  
  
Sirius let go of Renae. "We have to find him, if what Gregory said is true, we have to take him in. You know he wouldn't accuse Snape openly unless he had grounds. I'm sure we could get a warrant this time."   
  
  


Renae grabbed his arm. "Let him go, he only came to say goodbye, he didn't come to make trouble."   
  
  


James gave her cold look. "Seemed pretty bent on starting some to me."   
  


Sirius swallowed hard as his best friend and lover glared at each other.   
  


"James, _grow up!_ You have no proof he's a Death Eater and you know it. He only came to say goodbye, only you're too hooked on your old rivalry to admit otherwise," Renae looked angrily at James, and the man returned the look, "so now I'm telling you…_leave him alone!_"   
  
  


****** **

Renae couldn't believe James would be so pig headed; he was usually the sensible one. At least if Sirius was thinking the same thing, he was keeping his mouth shut. The cold look dropped from James' face. "Do you really think I would have let him _kill_ Snape? For _Merlin's sake_, Renae, I've saved his life before, give me a _little_ credit!"   
  
  


"Well, you two didn't seem to want to interfere," she looked at Sirius who stood silent.   
  


"You realize Gregory could have killed you."   
  


"Yes, James, but I also knew he'd listen to reason…something _neither of you_ tried to give him!"   
  
  
  


Sirius put his arm around her shoulder. "Why don't you two cool off before this ugly scene gets any uglier?" Both Renae and James' faces softened a bit. "Now, shake hands." He watched as they looked at each, neither one moving. "_Shake hands!_"   
  
  


Quickly they shook each other's hand. "Good. Now let's get Gregory out of here before Skeeter shows up; damn woman just started at the Daily Prophet!"   
  


James quickly bent down and lifted the still crying Gregory. "You're not serious!"   
  


"Yes I am," Sirius chuckled, "and yes… _I am_."   
  


Renae rolled her eyes. "Only _you_ could still find that funny."   
  
  


**~~~*~~~**

Renae walked into the Great Hall for breakfast, her Daily Prophet in her hand as always. Sitting down she looked around and realized she hadn't seen Snape since the funeral the day before. Quickly she drained her cup of coffee and made her way to the dungeons.   
  


Half way down the stairs, she felt the temperature drop about 30 degrees. She pulled her robes tighter around her; she still couldn't handle the cold. As she neared the bottom, Dumbledore appeared at the bottom of the staircase.   
  


"Professor?"   
  
  


"Ah, Renae. How are you my dear?"   
  
  


"Fine, I guess. Why aren't you in London?"   
  
  


Dumbledore adjusted his spectacles before answering. "There were more important matters I needed to attend to here. But my business here is finished, so I must be on my way."   
  
  


Without another word between them, he swept past her and up the stairs.   
  


_Okay…_Renae decided not to think about the short and strange conversation, and continued down the cold corridor.   
  


Reaching the door to the Potions classroom, Renae took a deep breath. Snape was not going to be happy to see her. _Here goes…_Opening the door, she found the room was empty, except for a large spider dangling from Snape's desk. Renae almost laughed when she realized it was the same spider she remembered from her years sitting in there as a student.   
  


Realizing Snape's office door was open, she quietly moved towards it. In his office, she could hear the sound of things being shuffled about, the tinkle of glass upon glass, liquid being poured, and the distinct sound of a small glass bottle being placed on the desk. Reaching the doorway, she stepped in.   
  


Snape was at his desk, in front of him sat a small glass bottle of a dark violet fluid. To his side, was a large bottle of a clear substance, and an empty glass. He sat, mumbling to himself, his head in his hands. The sight of him made her feel uneasy. For years she had laughed at the Marauder's pranks pulled on him, and joined in the taunting of the scrawny, 'slimy git' as Sirius called him. Now she felt awful inside, a strange nagging at her heart. Though she hated admitting it, it was _guilt_.   
  


Snape lifted up his head. "What are you doing here, _Wallis?_" Though his words still had a bite in them, they didn't sting like usual.   
  


Casually she walked over to him. "I came to see if you're alright."   
  
  
  
  


"How noble of you, _really_," the sneer on his face didn't hide the look in his eyes, "now leave."   
  
  


"Not until I'm sure you're alright." She crossed her arms; if she was anything, it was stubborn.   
  


"I really don't feel like arguing with you now, Wallis, so do us both a favor and _leave_."   
  
  
  


"No."   
  


Snape threw his arms out, grabbing the sides of his desk in each hand. "I'm _fine_, so take your pity wagon and annoy _someone else!_" He looked on the verge of a break down. Unfortunately for him, Renae wasn't one to give in easily, at least to anyone but Sirius.   
  


"You're lying, I can see it in your eyes. You're a wreck," she pointed to the shabby condition of his robes. Though normally shabby, they now had the look of having been dragged around by wild dogs. She lifted her hand to her temple, _Merlin this isn't going good. _Lowering her hand, she stared into his dark eyes.   
  


"Look, I didn't come to argue with you, or poke fun at you, I came to talk to you. I was worried, _alright?_"   
  
  
  


"You were worried?" his eyes nearly doubled in size with his old enemies words, but his tone quickly changed to one of suspicion, "Why?"   
  
"Yes. I was worried you would do something foolish." She looked again at the bottle on his desk. Small shimmering flecks of silver floated in the dark violet fluid. _Silver flecks?_   
  


"What, may I ask, would give you _that_ idea?" As Snape spoke these words, Renae realized what was contained in the bottle in front of him. She had confiscated a bottle of the same potion from a seventh year student just before Christmas and had to take it to the Potions teacher to find out what it was. After learning it's use, she'd told herself never to forget those flecks.   
  


Practically sprinting to his desk, she quickly grabbed the bottle. "Well, _this_ for starters," Snape tried to snatch the bottle from her hand, "don't think I don't know what this is!" she added, shaking the bottle. "Why the hell would you want to kill yourself?" she asked.   
  


Slowly he stood up, gripping the arms of his chair so tightly, his knuckles turned white. "This is none of your concern, _Wallis_." He held out a hand. "Now give me back my potion."   
  
  


"No," she answered coolly, stepping back, gripping the bottle even tighter. Snape reached in his robes for his wand.   
  


"Oh, no you don't!" Quickly she reached into her robes for her wand, but he had his aimed at her before she could withdraw her hand. _Damn it! I forgot he was better at this. _She wasn't going to back down, he may not be her favorite person in the world, but she wasn't about to hand his death sentence over to him.   
  


"_Give me the bottle!_" he shouted, sweat beginning to bead down his face.   
  


"No."   
  


"I _will_ kill you," he growled, his wand over her heart.   
  


"Bullshit!"   
  
  
  


She apparently called his bluff, for he just stood there, shaking. Renae lowered her wand; she was tired of playing games. "Damn it Snape! I came here to make sure you were alright. Why I'm so damn concerned about you, only Merlin knows, but I am!" Snape's face softened a tiny bit.   
  


She stepped closer to his desk. "Would you pull the enormous stick out of your ass for one minute and tell me what the hell is going on!" she shouted. Snape lowered his wand, but said nothing. Getting frustrated, Renae slammed the small bottle down on the table, and turned to leave.   
  


"How Aleanor ever broke through your amazingly thick shell, I'll never know," she reached the door and turned to look at him, "and to think, I thought I may have been wrong about you," she pointed to the bottle, "Well, go on, drink up!" She turned and stepped out the door.   
  


The classroom didn't seem as cold as before, probably because of the sweat running down her forehead. _What the hell were you thinking? _  
  


"Wallis!" She stopped in the corridor and heard Snape's footsteps running up behind her. "You thought you might have been wrong about me?" Turning around, she was surprised to see a look completely foreign to the Snape she knew, one that didn't spell complete disgust.   
  


"Yes, I did," she answered.   
  


He stepped closer, his usual demeaning manner nowhere to be found. "How?"   
  


"I use to think you only strung Aleanor around to keep tabs on the Marauders, since she was Lily's friend," she took a deep breath before continuing, "but I was wrong." Snape's eyebrow rose. "Yes, Snape, I _can_ admit when I'm wrong." 

  
  


"What changed your mind?" He stood motionless; his arms limp at his sides, awaiting her answer like a child waits for permission. For a moment she didn't know how to respond, Snape never reacted this way before. It was unnerving.   
  
  


"The look in your eyes when Gregory blamed you for Aleanor's death." She could tell he didn't understand. "At that moment, I knew that nothing Gregory could do would ever hurt you more than being blamed for her death. It was then that I realized you truly loved her."   
  
  
  


Tears welled up in Snape's eyes. Renae didn't know what to do, she had never seen Snape cry or even look sad before. As she stood there, in shock, he leaned against the wall and slid down, his head in his hands.   
  


She quickly knelt down beside him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Snape?"   
  
  
"I did love her, more than any of you would ever understand," he managed to get out through his sobs. He was falling to pieces.   
  


"You know Aleanor wouldn't want you to kill yourself."   
  
  


He nodded. "I know," he wiped away some tears, "but I can't help but wonder if Gregory was right."   
  
  


"About what?"   
  
  


Snape ran a hand through his hair, as he did, Renae caught a glimpse of a strange mark on his left arm. "Maybe she _would _still be alive if I hadn't joined Voldemort," he mumbled to himself. Renae's heart nearly leaped through her chest as she stood up and slowly backed away. 


	5. Initial Shock

**_Initial Shock_**   
  


_~5~ _  
  


It was lunchtime and Sirius sat at his desk, swirling the last sip of tea in his cup. His mind felt numb, completely incapable of concentrating on a single thought. He actually preferred to sit there, his mind void of any clear purpose other than to follow the whirl of the tea.   
  


**_Wham!_****   
  
**

As he jumped, the cup went flying out of his hand, crashing onto the floor in a dozen pieces. James leaned against the very door he had just slammed shut. "Dumbledore's not here, and no one knows where he went." He looked over at Sirius, who sat motionless, his hand still sitting as if the teacup were in it. Sirius sat, staring up at James, a little upset over this rude intrusion of his temporary incapacitation.   
  


"How long have you had this drinking problem, Padfoot?" James asked, a grin on his face as he looked at the broken cup. Sirius' face sneered as he dropped his hand into his lap. James giggled.   
  


"How long has he been gone?" Sirius picked his wand up off his desk, repairing the broken teacup, before placing both back on his desk.   
  


"Crouch said he left shortly after coming in this morning. Apparently he had an owl waiting for him, and after reading it, he dashed out."   
  
  


"Do you think he heard about Snape and went to check on it himself?"   
  
  


"I don't know, but I could see how he would want to handle it himself. If it's true, that's not exactly the kind of publicity Hogwarts needs right now." James flopped into his chair. Sirius looked over at him, realizing his friend hadn't eaten lunch yet.   
  


"Here, have a sandwich, I brought two." He held one out. James reached over and took it, lifting the bread on top.   
  


"Swiss? What's wrong with Munster?"   
  
  
  
Sirius rolled his eyes. "Oh, _well_, I'm sorry Prongs…next time I pack _my lunch_, I'll remember to use Munster." James laughed, biting into half of the sandwich. "You better eat fast, we have eight minutes until we have to go back outside."   
  
  


As James finished cramming the sandwich into his mouth, Sirius grabbed his cloak off the rack and walked to the door. Opening it, he froze; Dumbledore was standing in front of him, his fist raised to knock on the door. Sirius smiled at the old man. "Always perfect timing."   
  
  


Dumbledore didn't return the smile. "We need to talk." Sirius stepped aside to let him in. 

"I heard about the incident at Aleanor's funeral yesterday. I must say, I find it strange that the two of you would stand by while Gregory, who was clearly not in his right mind, pulled his wand on Severus. Did neither of you realize the severity of the situation? I hope your old feelings for Severus had nothing to do with your rather slow intervention."   
  
  


Sirius swallowed hard. The man still knew how to make him feel like a five year old, who had done something he knew was wrong, but still didn't want to be grounded for it.

He could hear James swallow hard beside him. "Ah, no. W… we just thought he was intimidating Snape to make him leave. We didn't think he'd do anything rash." Dumbledore looked over his spectacles, and Sirius felt like sinking into the carpet. _When you want to, you sure can scare the hell out of me!_   
  


"I also heard about Gregory's accusation," he paused for a moment, James stood up while Dumbledore pointed at Sirius' teapot, "May I have a cup?" Quickly, Sirius complied. James apparently couldn't wait a moment longer.   
  


"Well, is Snape a Death Eater?" James asked.   
  


Dumbledore took a long sip of tea before sitting down in the chair in front of James' desk. Slowly setting the cup and saucer down on the desk, he answered. "Yes."   
  
  
  


Feeling his blood boil with rage, Sirius slammed his fist down on his desk. "_I knew it!_" he looked over at James, pointing, "I told you I knew it! How he managed to hide his trail, I don't know, but _I knew it!_"   
  
  


"Merlin, _Sirius_, settle down!" James shouted, as Sirius continued.   
  


"_That slimy bast-_"   
  
  


Dumbledore quickly jumped in. "Now wait, before you go insulting anyone, there is something you need to understand. This is the main reason for my visit. _However_, everything that is said in this room must _stay in this room_. No one else is to know what I am about to tell you. Not the other Aurors, not Crouch, not even the Minister himself. Is that understood?" Sirius and James nodded. "Severus _was_ a Death Eater, and though he was not directly responsible for Aleanor's death, he discovered he had unknowingly played a role in it. Realizing the price he had paid for his loyalty to Voldemort, he came to me. He is now going to help us. He will remain in Voldemort's inner circle, and report to me."   
  
  
  
Sirius knocked over the robes rack as he flung his arms out. "You mean to tell us, _Snape _is going to spy for _us?_"   
  
  


"Yes, Sirius, that is exactly what I'm saying." How the old man could remain so calm, boggled Sirius.   
  


James flopped in his chair; hand on his forehead, as Sirius continued. "How can you trust him? You've had a _Death Eater_ teaching in your school for the past year, he _lied_ to you, Dumbledore, what's to say he isn't now?"   
  
  


Calmly, Dumbledore clasped his hands together, resting his elbows on the arms of the chair. "Sirius, I am well aware of his deception, however, I also know Severus better than anyone, sometimes better than Severus himself. I believe he is sincere in his desire to change allegiance. He watched as Sirius spun around leaning on his bookcase, mumbling to himself.   
  
  
  
"Sirius, do not be so quick to pass judgment on others. There may come a day when you will find yourself in need of one who will listen to you and trust you, despite what they do or do not know about you. Your life may very well depend upon it."   
  


"But a spy…"   
  
  
Dumbledore interrupted him. "His becoming a spy was _my_ idea."   
  
  
  
James now had both hands over his eyes, mumbling. "_Oh, bloody hell…_"   
  
  


Sirius looked over at his distraught friend. "_My thoughts exactly!_" **  
  
  
**

**~~~*~~~**

Sirius walked past his living room and straight into the bedroom. Taking off his robes, dress shirt and tie, he pulled a sweater and jeans out of his dresser.   
  


_How much more can possibly happen? As if things aren't fucked up enough as is, Snape is working for US! I'm really beginning to wonder if Dumbledore is going mad. _He threw his dirty clothes in the corner and zipped his jeans before heading back to the living room. _If I told Renae about this, she'd faint._   
  


As he walked in the living room, he nearly leaped out of his skin. Renae was sitting on his couch. "Renae, what are you doing here?"   
  
  
  
"Snape, he's…"   
  
  
Sirius sat down beside her, realizing she was shaking. "I know."   
  
  


"Well, did you and James go get him?"   
  
  


"No."   
  
  


Her eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets. "What! Why?"   
  
  


"Why are you reacting like this today? Yesterday you didn't even flinch when Gregory called him a Death Eater."   
  
  
  
  


"Well, I didn't believe it, Dumbledore would never have let a Death Eater into Hogwarts, but then I talked to him, and he admitted it."   
  
  
  
  


Sirius grabbed her hand. "You mean to tell me, you _talked_ to Snape? What in bloody hell for?"   
  
  


"I thought he might need someone to talk to."   
  
  
  
Sirius couldn't believe what he was hearing. _Okay, now I've heard it all, next thing Moony is going to walk through the door announcing his engagement to Wormtail!_   
  


Renae must have read the look on his face as he was thinking.   
  


"Don't look at me in that tone of voice! I am _not_ losing my mind," she ran her hand through her hair, "I just realized I was wrong about him."   
  
  
  
  


"_What!_ You just looked white as a ghost a minute ago because you found out what he was, and now you were wrong about him? _Which is it, Renae?_" he shouted, ready to pull out his own hair.   
  
  
  
Renae's face turned red as she stood up. "We always thought he just strung Aleanor along, well, he wasn't. _He loved her!_ This morning I found him, ready to kill himself because she was gone. I felt awful, disgusted with myself for all the cruel things I ever said to him."   
  
  
  
  


"You should have let him do it and save us all a lot of grief."   
  
  
**_Smack!_****   
  
**

The sting of her hand on his cheek made his eyes water. "Once you almost cost him his life," she crossed her arms as shock spread across his face, "yes, I found out you were the one that set him up, and your ass would have been on a spike if James hadn't saved him. I use to think it was just the stupid, idiotic prank of a child, but now I wonder if it wasn't more than that, you being so disappointed in my stopping him from committing suicide."   
  
  


********

Sirius knew this conversation was quickly turning ugly, and wanted to avoid it getting worse at any cost. He took several deep breaths while Renae stood there, fuming. Finally, he reached his hand out to her. "Renae, I didn't mean what I said. I'm sorry," slowly she took his hand. "You were right yesterday, and you were right to stop Snape today. Can you forgive me?" He flashed her his puppy dog eyes, hoping the look hadn't lost its usual effect on her. Her face didn't soften one bit. _Shit, I'm really in for it._   
  
  
  


"I'll forgive you on one condition…" he swallowed hard "…don't ever piss me off like that again." Sirius sighed in relief. She broke into a small smile as she giggled, pointing to his cheek. "I didn't think I hit you _that _hard."   
  
  


He reached up and felt his tender cheek, his fingers tracing the welt her hand had left. "You are a greater danger to me than You-Know-Who, himself!"   
  
  


She laughed, sitting down next to him. "I am so sorry."   
  
  


Sirius grinned slyly. "Then how about a kiss to make it better?"   
  
  
  
He pulled her to him as she ran her fingers through his hair, their lips meeting in a passionate kiss. Releasing her bottom lip, he snaked his way down her neck and began tracing his tongue along her collarbone, drawing a supple moan from Renae's lips. She grabbed either side of his face, pulling his lips back to hers. As their kiss deepened, he leaned her back onto the couch. She giggled and spoke with each parting of their lips.   
  


"We…should…fight…more often."   
  
  


Sirius panted slightly as he barely lifted his lips enough to let a word escape. "Why?" He quickly returned to his desired activity, leaving Renae to try and answer between the parting of their lips.   
  


"Because… I… like… how we… make up," she panted with each word.   
  


**~~~*~~~**

"Renae…"   
  
  


_Not yet, I'm still tired. _Renae felt something warm gently run along her arm.   
  


"Renae…"   
  
  
  
She heard her name growing louder in her ear as warm breath brushed against her neck, a few strands of her hair vibrating with the moving air.   
  


_No, I want to stay here. _Now the warmth that had run down her arm was holding her tightly, shaking her gently.   
  


**"**Renae, wake up."   
  
  


She grumbled. "Nodnauw…" Soft kisses began trailing themselves from her ear to her shoulder, quickly snapping her attention to the owner of the lips. "Sirius?" she managed to get out, rubbing her eyes as she flipped over on her back to look up at him.   
  


"Good morning, sleepy head," he said with a smile.   
  


_What I wouldn't give to wake up to that smile everyday! _Renae thought to herself as she smiled back.   
  


"I've been trying to wake you up for the past ten minutes. You sleep like a rock."   
  
  


"Well, considering how much sleep I got last night, can you blame me?" He laughed and leaned down to give her a gentle kiss.   
  
  
  
Sitting up, Renae remembered why she had come over last night. "Sirius, we have to tell Dumbledore about Snape." Putting on his dressing gown, he turned towards her.   
  


"Do you normally think about Snape first thing in the morning?" he chuckled.   
  


Renae grabbed one of his shirts out of the dresser beside his bed. "That isn't even funny. I had meant to tell you that last night, but we got a little side tracked."   
  
  
  
He laughed. "We did, _didn't we_," he grinned, grabbing a towel from the back of his bathroom door, throwing it on the bed, "and we don't have to, Dumbledore already knows."   
  
  


She felt a little relieved. "He must have found out yesterday," she picked up the towel and headed for the bathroom, "I saw him on my way to the potion's classroom. I asked him why he was there, and all he said was he had business had to take care of there, which I'm guessing was Snape." She stopped at the door. "But Snape didn't mention anything about being sacked, and Dumbledore didn't seem the least bit upset as he left. Why wouldn't Dumbledore sack Snape if he knew he was a Death Eater?"   
  
  


Sirius debated for a while, whether or not to tell her, finally deciding he'd rather not break a promise to Dumbledore. "I don't know, but I'm sure he has his reasons."   
  
  
  
Grabbing the handle of the bathroom door, she nodded. "I guess your right." Sirius smiled at her as she closed the door and turned on the shower.   
  
  
  
**~~~*~~~**

A week had past and Renae was making her way to the courtyard, she had grown tired of sitting around the library, and even Hogsmeade for that matter, waiting for Sirius to get off work. Feeling like she'd rather be alone for the moment than sit in a crowded pub, she sat down on a bench in the courtyard, and opened her newest copy of Transfiguration Today. As she began to lose herself in her reading, a hand touched her shoulder. She looked up and nearly fell off the bench. Her heart raced as Snape looked down at her, but not in his usual manner. He looked very different… like he wasn't plotting her demise. 

  
  


"I," he paused for a moment, "I wanted to thank you for stopping me the other day. I don't remember much of our conversation. I had taken several shots of vodka before you walked in, and I'm afraid they affected my memory. I do not know what I may have done or said to cause you to leave so abruptly, but whatever the reason, I hope you will forgive me."   
  
  


Renae was still getting over the initial shock of Snape's change of demeanor, let alone apology, before she could allow the meaning of his words to sink in. As they did, she saw Snape lower his face and begin to turn away. "Wait!" she set down her book as he turned back to her, hope in his eyes. "Won't you sit down?" Slowly he walked over and sat beside her, slightly trembling. Renae knew she was seeing a Snape few knew, or understood, the Snape Aleanor must have known.   
  


"What _do_ you remember?"   
  
  
  
"I remember you saying something about being wrong about me, but the rest is pretty much a blur."   
  
  
_He doesn't remember telling you he joined Voldemort._   
  


"I said I realized you loved Aleanor, and I was sorry about how I treated you all these years." For some reason, telling him this was easier the second time. Perhaps because she had already suffered the guilty feeling the first time she spoke to him. Looking over at him, she smiled; he had a weak smile on his face.   
  
  
  
"I wasn't exactly a gentleman towards you either. Then again, I never was." He chuckled. "But may I ask, why did you leave so suddenly? I seem to remember that it was my fault."   
  
  
  
After writing to Dumbledore, he reassured her that Snape had changed his ways due to Aleanor's death, which, after seeing him crying on the floor, she truly believed; she felt it wouldn't be necessary to tell him that he had basically told her, he was Death Eater. Quickly, she came up with an excuse.   
  


"I panicked, I'd never seen you like that before, and I didn't know what to do or say, and I didn't think you'd want me there any longer, so I left."   
  
  


He seemed to accept this. "Well, I thank you, Wallis," he said, standing up.   
  


"You know," she called out and he turned to face her, "I prefer Renae," she smiled. The familiar sneer spread across his face.   
  


"People would think we were becoming friends, Wallis," he said. She laughed as he walked away. _Well Snape, maybe we will._ Then she laughed to herself._ Merlin wouldn't that steam Sirius!_   
  
  
  
********

Sirius and James were about to head home, both exhausted from the day's work. As they walked through the corridors of the Ministry, Sirius lightly hit his old friend in the arm. "Hey, how about some Butterbeers over at the Leaky Cauldron before heading home?" he grinned.   
  


"Alright, let's stop and see if Wormtail would like to join us."   
  
  


Sirius pulled his cloak on as James opened the door. "What about Moony?"   
  
  


James held the door open for him. "Looking for a new job, again."    
  
  


"Well in that case, lead the way Prongs!"   
  
  
  
  


**~~~*~~~**

Reaching the Leaky Cauldron, Wormtail in tow, the three of them found a small empty table by the fire and ordered a round of Butterbeers. Sirius emptied his first bottle in one long gulp, quickly ordering another. Peter took a small sip before setting his bottle down and asking James a question.   
  


"So James, what do you and Lily have planned for Harry's first birthday?"   
  
  


James smiled.   
  



	6. Nervous

**_Nervous_**   
  


_~6~_   
  


"_Sirius_, I swear to Merlin I will hex off your manhood if you _don't put me down!_" Renae felt the blood rush to her head as she hung over his shoulder, struggling to get a hold of her wand from his right hand. He began to tilt her forward. As he did she saw the water of the lake getting closer.   
  


"Okay, I'll put you down!"   
  


She grabbed his robes, screaming. "_No, the land, **the land!**_" He continued to lean her forward, the cuffs of her robes dipping into the water. "**_Sirius!_**" Renae could see past him to see James and Remus collapsed on the ground in laughter. _Oh, you'll get yours!_   
  


"Say Uncle," Sirius demanded; she could hear the grin in his voice.   
  


"No." She wasn't about to give him the satisfaction of making her give in.   
  


Sirius lowered her more, and she could feel his grip loosening as her waist began slipping over his shoulder. "_Say it…_"   
  
"I'd rather be wet then give you the satisfaction!" With that, he threw her into the lake.   
  
For July, the water was very freezing and Renae was never really good with things cold - especially being wet on such a day. As she sat up, her drenched hair fell in her face, but she could still make out the forms of the Marauders, all laughing it up. She grabbed her wet hair from her face and flung it back. Sirius was bent over laughing, balancing himself with his hands on his knees.   
  


"You could at least help me up," she growled. He reached out his hand, still chuckling. A wide grin spread on Renae's face as she took hold of his hand and roughly pulled him into the lake beside her.   
  


Lily came running over with Harry in her arms, laughing as Harry squealed at the sight of his drenched godfather. Now Peter fell laughing as Remus gasped for air. Beside them, James was turning ten shades of red. As Sirius sat up, Harry clapped wildly; apparently thinking this was part of his birthday entertainment. Renae laughed as she got to her feet.   
  


"I thought you needed help."   
  
Renae turned to Sirius with a smile. "Yeah, help getting my spirits up, I never said I needed help out." Grinning she thought, _Sirius-zero, Renae-**many** points!_

  
  


********

Sirius pulled his knees up to rest his arms on as water dripped down his forehead. _Huh, the water is a bit cold. _Then he chuckled, _Renae must be freezing! _He watched as she walked over to Lily.   
  


"Lily, think you could? It will take me forever if I do it myself." Lily set Harry down, took out her wand, and began drying Renae off, giggling the whole time. "Thanks."   
  
"Your welcome. You need a little help, Sirius?" Lily asked him with a grin, twirling her wand in her hand. Sirius stood up, and made his way out of the lake. He grumbled in agreement. Lily quickly dried him off.   
  


  
By now, James and the others had gained control of themselves. Harry was standing on the grass only a few feet from Sirius, clapping and babbling away. He couldn't resist the sight. Scooping up his godson, he laughed. "You really enjoyed that, didn't you Harry?"   
  
"Yah!"   
  
Sirius laughed harder. "Anything for you!"   
  
"Gen?" Harry asked, his emerald eyes shining.   
  


"No, I think that was enough." He looked over to see Renae shaking her head; she was still shivering from the cold. He smiled at her, knowing it would freak Renae out.   
  


"Don't _even_ think about!" she said, grabbing a hold of Remus and pulling him in front of her like a shield.   
  


"Whoa, wait, don't get me in the middle of this!" Remus protested, holding his hands up, Renae peeking around him.   
  
Sirius laughed, setting Harry down to run after his dad. "Relax, I was kidding."   
  
  


**~~~*~~~**

Renae helped Lily set out all the food. A picnic for Harry's birthday was a great idea. She knew Sirius often took him to the park to play, so to spend the whole day there would certainly make him happy.   
  


Lily was setting out the plates. "Look at them," she pointed out to the guys, all playing with Harry, "they never really grow up, do they?" she chuckled.   
  


"Well, at least not completely!" Renae answered. She watched as Sirius chased after Harry. The child had grabbed the wand from Sirius' robes, and was now running around, waving it wildly.   
  


Lily laughed. "I warned him about that. Harry has a knack for pulling out our wands. The other day he got James' and turned his hair blue!" Peter was trying to help Sirius, but had to duck when the toddler set a stream of water at him. Remus was hiding behind a tree, waiting to hopefully surprise the little menace.   
  
"He's gonna grow up to be like his father," Renae replied with a giggle.   
  


"Dear Merlin, let's hope he gets some sense from me then!" They laughed. Sirius had finally managed to get back his wand, but not before Harry had zapped him in the backside. James was now holding a screaming Harry, who was upset over the loss of the wand. Sirius walked over to the table, rubbing his sore ass.   
  


"Take a seat, Sirius," Lily said, pointing to a setting at the table.   
  


"Ah, no, I think I'll stand for a moment," he said, his hand protectively covering his rear.   
  
Peter quickly took a seat across from Renae, Remus sitting next to him. James handed Harry over to Lily before taking a seat at the end of the table, next to Remus. Lily calmed Harry down before putting him in a highchair at the end of the table. Renae transfigured a cushion for Sirius and handed it to him before he took a seat between her and Lily. "Thanks," he said, blushing, taking the cushion and gingerly sitting on it. As he did, they began to eat.   
  


They sat for a while, talking and laughing after they had finished eating. Harry took a little longer to eat, _course it would take anyone longer to eat when you throw half your food on the ground._   
  
Renae finished her cup of ice tea she had brought with her, ignoring her friends laughter for drinking tea cold. As set down her cup, she saw an older man walking towards them. The old man had a girl who looked about Harry's age on his arm, and in the other, he carried a long thin package. Renae looked over at James.   
  


"James," she whispered, "do you know that man?" she nodded in the direction of the old man. James stood up as the man approached the table.   
  


"Mr. Delaney, how are you?"   
  
The old man was Aleanor's father. Though the others seem to remember him, Renae hadn't recognized him; then again, she hadn't seen him since she was fifteen.   
  


"Fine James, thanks," he walked over to Lily, holding out the package, "Aleanor had picked this out for Harry before," his voice wavered for a moment, before continuing, "well, I came back to take care of some business and I decided to deliver it myself." With a smile, Lily took the package.   
  


"Thank you Mr. Delaney," she motioned to a place at the table, "would you like to join us for a little while?" He thought about this for a moment, and then smiled.   
  


"Alright," he took a seat next to Peter, setting the little girl down on the grass beside them. Renae looked at the little auburn haired girl.   
  


"Is this your granddaughter?" Renae asked, noticing the girl had the same dark blue eyes as Gregory.   
  


"Yes, this is Caelyn."   
  


Sirius took a sip of his drink. "Is Gregory here with you?"   
  
"No, he and his wife are away with work. My wife, Louise, is safer in America right now, so I brought Caelyn with me as I finalize the sale of our flat."   
  
Renae remembered that Aleanor's mother was a muggle, which explained why she would be safer across the Atlantic.   
  


"You're moving?" Lily asked, handing him a drink.   
  


"Yes, we're moving to Maryland, near Gregory." He looked over at Harry. "Perhaps Harry could open the gift. I really mustn't stay long, and I would very much like to see what my daughter picked out," he chuckled. Lily smiled as she finished wiping Harry's face. When he was cleaned, she put him down on the grass, handing him the package to rip open.   
  


Caelyn toddled over and went to help him with the task of ripping off the brown paper. Harry pulled it away from her, so she sat down beside him, picking up pieces he had ripped off and played with them.   
  


Lily laughed as she prevented the girl from putting a piece in her mouth. "How old is she?"   
  
"A year next month."   
  


Harry finally made his way through the paper and Lily reached down, opening the long box for him. Inside was a miniature broom and play Gryffindor robes. Sirius slapped James on the back. "See, you can never start too early!" Lily rolled her eyes.   
  


Mr. Delaney chuckled. "Leave it to Aleanor."   
  
Like children, James, Remus, and Sirius took Harry and his new little broom to an open area to try it out. Little Caelyn toddled behind, dragging the play robes behind her. Peter stayed at the table, refilling his cup.   
  


Renae began talking to Mr. Delaney about how things were going back in the States. She had left many friends behind and several hadn't contacted her in weeks. She wondered how bad things were getting. Lily watched Harry ride his broom, just inches off the ground, his toes dragging in the grass. Several times, he fell off to the side, laughing and climbing back on.   
  


Mr. Delaney leaned in towards Renae, Peter drinking his juice beside him. "It's getting worse than I ever imagined possible. Louise is afraid to go anywhere anymore, besides the muggle shops. Gregory and his wife haven't been home for weeks," he looked down at the table, tears welling up in his eyes, "we haven't heard from them in four days."   
  


Renae's heart pounded. Gregory was a well-known Auror, as was his wife, for them to not be heard from was certainly a bad sign. Peter looked at the old man beside him, and then quickly back to his cup, apparently unfazed.   
  


Mr. Delaney continued, "You-Know-Who is gaining more and more power, even in America. His followers number in the tens of thousands over there, maybe more," he dropped to a whisper, "just last week Gregory found himself facing off with one, nearly killed the bastard too. When he unhooded him, it was Richard Limbeck, _his best friend_." Renae gasped as Peter spit his juice everywhere. Mr. Delaney continued, ignoring Peter's reaction, "Before I leave, let me give you this piece of advice… _Trust no one_."   
  
Renae noticed that with these words, Peter's face paled. Quickly he got up, stammering, "Uh, excuse me," he didn't look at either of them, "I, uh, need to visit the lavatory," then he scampered to the bathroom building. _What's gotten into him? _Something about the way he dashed out of there, worried Renae.   
  


**~~~*~~~**

Sirius followed Renae through the narrow passageway leading to her room. She had been relatively quiet since Mr. Delaney left the picnic. As they walked into her room, Renae went straight to the cabinet by the fireplace, pulling out a bottle of rum. "Want some?' she asked pouring some into a glass.   
  


"Ah, no," he answered, finding her behavior odd; _he_ was usually the first one to the rum, and only on rough days. "What's wrong?" She threw back the rum in one tip of the glass.   
  


"I don't know, something's not right," she flopped herself on the couch, "did you see the way Peter acted after Mr. Delaney left? It was odd."   
  


"No, what was odd?" Sirius sat down next to her, taking the empty glass from her hand. The last thing he wanted was her having more. 

Renae put her elbow on top of the couch, resting her head in her palm. "I don't know how to explain it. Mr. Delaney was talking about how Gregory found out his best friend was a Death Eater and the next minute, Peter practically ran to the bathroom. Then Mr. Delaney left, and you guys came back to the table. Peter didn't come back from the bathroom until we were about to eat the cake, some fifteen minutes later, and when he did he looked, well, nervous."   
  
Sirius had no idea where she was going with this, Peter always looked nervous. "Nervous? What's odd about Peter being nervous?"   
  


"He looked _really nervous_, not regular nervous."   
  


Sirius couldn't help but laugh. "_Regular nervous_, are you sure that was tea you were drinking at the picnic?" She gave him a cold look that made his laugh fade to nothing. He put his hand to her cheek with a smile. "Don't worry about it. If something was bothering Peter, don't you think he would come to me or Remus or James? I'm sure you were just looking too much into it." She turned and curled up against him.   
  


"I guess you're right," she snuggled her head into his chest as he wrapped his arms around her. Closing his eyes, he breathed deep the violet scent rising from her skin. As if reading his mind, she looked up at him and smiled before wrapping her hand around his neck, pulling him into a kiss.   
  


Before he knew it, he was on top of her, feeling his way around. Her hands began searching as well, sending glorious tingles down his back. In one swift motion, he unbuttoned her shirt and began trailing his tongue down her breastbone, causing her to moan and arch her back. Finding the waist of his pants, she ripped his shirt out and slid her hand up along the bare skin of his back. Before he could press himself against her, to let her know how ready he was, she suddenly pulled away.   
  


"Wait, I forgot! I have to get something!" She motioned him to dismount.   
  


"Well, can't it wait?" Sirius could feel himself building up with pressure.   
  


She chuckled as she quickly buttoned her shirt, heading for the door. "Not if you don't want kids yet!"   
  
********

Renae couldn't believe she had been so stupid as to forget to pick up some Anne's Lace potion on their way back. She couldn't stand the muggle pill; she gained too much weight with it. _Great, by the time you get back, he'll be asleep!_ Then it hit her, she could ask Snape if he had any, doubtful, but if he did, it would be quicker than running to Hogsmeade. She decided to give it a shot, after all, they had become close to what you could call friends.   
  


Quickly she made her way to the dungeons and into the Potions classroom. "Snape?" The room was empty, though a cauldron sat simmering on a table. _Couldn't have gone too far._ She walked to his office door and knocked. "Snape?" With a creak, the door opened. Snape looked annoyed, as usual.   
  


"What do you want, Wallis?" he asked as pleasant as was possible for him.   
  


"I was wondering if you might have some Anne's Lace potion."   
  


A wide grin spread on his face. "_Anne's Lace?_ What on _earth_ would you need that for?" Renae should have figured he would get too much enjoyment out of this.   
  
"Alright, _ha ha_. You know damn well what it's for. So do you have some or not?" She didn't mean for it to sound as rushed as it came out.   
  


He leaned against the doorframe, crossing his arms. "My, _my_, aren't we in a hurry? Is someone waiting for you, Wallis?"   
  


"Maybe," Renae could feel her cheeks turning red, "and stop calling me Wallis!"   
  


He chuckled, and stood up straight. "Yes, I have some," he answered, grinning with a glint in his eye. He walked back into his office and rummaged through some small bottles on a shelf. Finally, he picked one up, filled with the familiar red liquid and held it out to her. "You're luck I have such skilled seventh year students in which to confiscate from."   
  


She grabbed the small bottle. "Thanks," she said, stepping out the office door.   
  


"Your welcome, _Wallis_." She heard him shout from his office.   
  


"**_Renae!_**" she shouted behind her.   
  


********

Sirius sat on the couch, his left leg thumping wildly like a rabbit in heat._ What's taking her so long! Merlin, this is worse than being bound to a chair, forced to watch a strip tease. _Sirius rolled his eyes. _Great, now you're picturing her naked, great way to get your mind off things, Sirius!_ He quickly stood up and began to pace the room.   
  


_I wonder if it's true, what they say about lifting a heavy weight. _He looked down at the couch and contemplated grabbing the end of it and lifting it however far it would take to relieve the pressure that had become unbearable. As he grabbed the couch, he heard Renae behind him.   
  


"Sirius, what are you doing?" she chuckled, holding a small bottle of Anne's Lace potion.   
  


"Nothing. I was bored and had to do something to keep my mind off things. You left me hanging, you know!" She laughed hysterically at this. "Alright, _not hanging!_ Merlin, you women are insufferable!"   
  


Renae grinned, walking over to him, pushing him over the side of the couch. As he fell back onto it, she climbed on top of him. "Really? Then I guess you'll just have to live with it!" 


	7. The Favor

**_The Favor_**   
  


_~7~_                 
  


Renae walked into the Great Hall about an hour late for breakfast. Sirius had just left and she couldn't possibly make it until lunch, so she figured anything left to eat would be better than nothing at all. As was her usual custom, Renae opened her copy of the Daily Prophet as she drank her coffee. _With all the depressing news lately, you'd think I'd stop reading this everyday! _At least once a week she told herself that, but she knew she would do it again the next morning.   
  


"Wallis."   
  


Renae looked over to see Snape sit down beside her. She folded up her paper. "Snape, for the last time, call me _Renae_."   
  


"Did it ever occur to you, _Renae_, that I would prefer if you didn't call me _Snape?_"   
  
It was like a slap in the face. The thought _hadn't _crossed her mind. "You didn't ask me not to," she said somewhat defiantly.   
  


His face was hard, but his eyes were gentle. "Consider this my asking."   
  


"Then what do you want me to call you?" She retorted, crossing her arms mockingly.   
  


"My first name would be acceptable."   
  


It was then Renae realized she didn't even know his first name. The Marauders never referred to him by anything other than "Snape" or "Snivellus". She snapped out of her thoughts. He seemed to have read her mind.   
  


"Severus," he said, rolling his eyes.   
  


"Alright, Severus," she responded, uncrossing her arms. A smile spread across his face, an expression she was still trying to get use to seeing on him. Renae couldn't help but smile back as a thought crossed her mind. _I have a feeling there's more about you I'll have to get use to._   
  
**~~~*~~~**

Sirius walked into his and James' office early. The past few weeks had been rather good, compared to normal at least, and he had spent yet another glorious evening with Renae. He was feeling good, cheery even, and felt as though he'd be able to get through the day without losing his smile, no matter what he might face. Reaching into his robes, he pulled out a new picture of Renae, and placed it prominently on his desk. As he did, the office door opened.   
  


"Sirius?"   
  


Sirius looked up as James mockingly grabbed at his chest and caught himself on the doorframe. "Hell must have frozen over for Padfoot to come early for work!"   
  
Sirius let his friend enjoy his joke, his own smile not fading. "Yes, Prongs, I do feel a little ill today. Perhaps I should go back to bed." He began to stand up and reach for his cloak.   
  


James put his hand on Sirius' shoulder, pushing him back into the chair. "Alright, enough joking. Since we're both here, we might as well get to work."   
  


"But it's only ten to nine," Sirius protested. _He's turning into Moony!_

James hung up his cloak. "And what would you rather do for the next ten minutes? Stare at Renae's picture?" Before Sirius could confirm James' prediction, there came a knock at the door. Since he was still standing, James went to answer it. "Mr. Crouch."   
  


Sirius jumped to his feet and began straightening his robes. Barty Crouch, Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, stood in the doorway, clearing his throat. "James Potter, may I see you in my office, immediately?"   
  
"Certainly, Sir." James gave Sirius a quick glance before closing the door behind them.   
  


********

"Renae?" Standing in front of the violet painting leading to her room, Renae turned to see Severus walking towards her, "Could we talk for a moment?"   
  


Over the past few weeks, they had become more than civil towards each other; they had become friends. Renae had found that beneath his hard shell, Severus was rather witty, and even light hearted at times. She smiled at him. "Several even. Why don't you come in?" She pointed at the painting, knowing he had to know it that led to her room, after seeing her emerge from it so many times.   
  


He smiled and crossed his arms. "Wouldn't it concern you that I would then know your password?"   
  
She laughed. "Do you really think I'd give a shit if I'm offering in the first place?"   
  


He chuckled. "No, I suppose not."   
  


Turning to the painting, Renae said, "Falcon." As the narrow passageway was revealed, she led Severus into her room.   
  


As Severus sat down on her couch, Renae dropped her copy of _Transfiguration Today_ on the table before filling two glasses with ice tea. As she carried them to the couch, she noticed Severus looking around the room. "Nice chamber."   
  
"Thanks," she held out a glass, "would you like a drink?" Severus took the glass, inspecting its contents carefully. "It's tea, Severus." He lifted an eyebrow before focusing on the tan liquid again. Renae rolled her eyes. "_Merlin!_ Just give it a try! If I wanted to kill you, I wouldn't be so damn subtle!"   
  
A smirk spread on his face before he carefully tasted the beverage. After taking a tiny first sip, he proceeded to take a nice long gulp. As he did, Renae drained her glass. She never was much for sipping.   
  


"It's not that bad," he said, inspecting the ice tea for a third time.   
  


"You're the first one to say that, everyone else around here can't stand it. Then again, I can't stand hot tea." Severus laughed and drank half his tea. "So," she set down her empty glass, "what did you want to talk about?"   
  
The smile that had sat on his face, now dropped. He quietly set down his half empty glass. "I wanted to ask you a favor."   
  
Renae was shocked at first, Severus Snape asking _her _for a favor? Sure, they were more at ease around each other, but she had no idea he considered her a close enough friend to ask a favor of her. But then again, he wasn't the same man she had known only months before. "Alright, what is it?" Severus paused for a moment, probably trying to make sure he phrased it correctly. That was one thing she found he never forgot - how to choose his words carefully. 

"Would you find out what happened to a particular piece of jewelry of Aleanor's? I believe Lily or Potter may know, or be able to find out, but I can't ask them myself. We both know the reception I'd receive."   
  
Renae nodded. She knew James and Lily wouldn't be very forthcoming to him, but she was a different story. Then she became curious, why would Severus be interested in a piece of jewelry?   
  


"But why…" it hit her as she saw his face drop a little more, "_you_ gave it to her, didn't you?" He nodded. _I can't tell him, no. _She leaned in a bit. "Okay, what exactly is this piece of jewelry?"   
  


"A sapphire necklace," he answered, looking down. This couldn't be easy on him.   
  


Her eyes nearly bulged out. "_Sapphire_ necklace? When did that happen?"   
  


"Seventh year, I gave it to her for Christmas," he took a steadying breath, "It matched her eyes."   
  
Renae saw that he was holding back tears. She put her hand on his shoulder. "I'll find out what I can, and don't worry, they won't find out you wanted to know."   
  
A look of relief crossed Severus' face. "Thank you, Renae."   
  
She smiled. "Don't thank me yet."   
  
**~~~*~~~**

Sirius practically ran from Hogsmeade to the castle. Renae wasn't expecting him; she had the feast that night, and he knew the students were probably arriving even as he thought of it.   
  


Reaching the great oak doors, he followed behind the last few students as they walked into the Entrance Hall. He quickly weaved his way through the crowd of returning students heading for the Great Hall. Reaching the open doorway, he peeked inside for Renae. There came a tap on his shoulder as he stood in the doorway.   
  


"Mr. Black," Sirius turned around to Professor McGonagall standing behind him, "I trust there is a good reason for this intrusion? I do believe the feast is for students and staff only."   
  


He ran a hand through his hair before answering sheepishly, "Sorry Professor McGonagall, I was just looking for Renae." Sirius breathed a sigh of relief when he realized the stern look on her face was more for the students surrounding them than it was for him.   
  


Stepping closer to him, McGonagall lowered her voice so only he would hear. "She is needed at the feast. But I am sure she will not mind if you wait in her chambers," she gave him a small smile, "I will tell her you are here."   
  
"Thanks," he smiled and made his way to the violet painting.   
  


As he walked into her chambers, he found a plate piled with food on her table. _McGonagall thinks of everything!_ He grabbed a chair and sat down to eat.   
  


**~~~*~~~**

When the Welcoming Feast was finished, Renae quickly went to her room, to find Sirius passed out on the couch. She walked over and sat beside him. Reaching in her robes, she pulled out her wand and turned a hair strand into a feather and began tickling his nose.   
  


"Sirius," she whispered as his nose twitched, "Sirius… wake up," she sang. Suddenly he gave a great snort as his eyes bolted open.   
  


He rubbed at his nose. "Ah, you _know_ I hate that!"   
  
"Yeah, but it works." She laughed. "So why are you here tonight?"   
  
"I had to tell you what happened today." Renae's heart raced a mile a minute. _Dear Merlin, now what happened?_ Sirius grabbed her arm. "Calm down…no one died. At least, not that I know of." Renae sighed. "James was promoted."   
  
"What?"   
  
Sirius reached for his glass of pumpkin juice, which sat on the floor next to the couch, and emptied it. "He was promoted, he's just under Crouch now. Odd, really, now he's _my_ superior." They both chuckled. "Anyways, now he reports directly to Crouch, and will get all his assignments from him. From what James told me, it looks like he's going to be tracking down You-Know-Who himself. Forget about Death Eaters, Crouch wants to take out the top."   
  
Renae didn't feel good about this, at all. "You mean James is going to be tracking You-Know-Who?"   
  
"Yes."   
  
"Don't you think that will make him You-Know-Who's primary target?"   
  


"Possibly."   
  


Renae couldn't believe how calm he was being about this. "_Possibly!_ What does James think, what did he say?"   
  


"He took the promotion, of course, he said he'd rather it be him than anyone else."   
  


"But what about Lily and Harry? You-Know-Who will target them too, don't you think?"   
  
"Not necessarily. James wants to do this for Lily and Harry. If he can bring You-Know-Who down, then they'll be safe," he ran his hand along her cheek, "I would do the same for you." She smiled. "And that's not all. You'll never believe what Crouch has done as well." He stopped for a moment as Renae hung on his every word. "He's authorized the Aurors to use the Unforgivable Curses."   
  
Now she had heard it all. What the hell was wrong with Crouch? Here, he was poised to become Minister of Magic, and he was stooping to You-Know-Who's level. "Is Crouch mad? What's he trying to do, compete with You-Know-Who?"   
  


Sirius' face was as gloomy as hers. "Unfortunately, I think so, and if not, Merlin help us all." He pulled Renae to him, wrapping his arms around her as she buried her face in his neck.   
  
They remained that way for a while, before Renae realized she was growing tired. "I'm sorry, but I really need to go to bed."   
  
Sirius grinned. "Mind if I join you?"   
  
She laughed. "Alright, but I do need _some _sleep tonight, the first day of classes are tomorrow."   
  
He picked her up and carried her to the bed. "_Some sleep_, okay, I can handle that." The grin on his face told her she'd be lucky if she got any at all.   
  
**~~~*~~~**

Sirius awoke the next morning to Renae making a good deal of noise getting dressed. He realized something was wrong from the panicked look on her face.  
  


"Renae, what's wrong? You don't have class until nine."   
  
She grabbed her wand and stuffed it down her robes. "I know, but there's something I have to do. I'll see you later." With that she gave him a quick kiss and disappeared down the narrow passageway.   
  


Sirius shook his head before getting up to get ready for work.   
  


********   
  


Renae practically ran to the dungeons, carrying the small empty bottle. _I can't believe we knocked over the bottle! I have an hour left in which to take it, I only hope Severus has more._ She ran through the Potions classroom and banged on his office door. "Severus!" there was no response. _Damn it, we have classes in a little over an hour, you HAVE to be here!_ She banged again. "SEVERUS!"   
  
"Enter." She barely made the word through the thick door.   
  


She pushed open the door, quickly closing it behind her. "Severus, do you have any Anne's Lace potion?"   
  


"_Again_, Renae?"   
  
"Yes, _again_. We, ah, knocked over this one." She held up the empty bottle.   
  


A grin spread across his face. "A little rough last night, weren't you?"   
  


He loved to torment her, but this time she didn't have time to joke. "Oh, get off it. Do you have any? I only have an hour left to take it."   
  


"Perhaps you should have thought about the fact that Anne's Lace must be taken within 6 hours of 'play' in order to work, before you began your night of 'rough housing'."   
  
Renae felt her face grow hot. "Damn it Severus, it was an accident! Will you just answer my question!"   
  


He sat back in his chair, lacing his hands together. "No, Renae, I don't."   
  
She ran to his desk, leaning on it. "_Please _tell me you can make more."   
  
"I could, but I'm afraid it won't help you."   
  
_How the hell could he remain so calm with her yelling?_   
  


"Why?" she asked.   
  


"After being mixed, it takes two hours to brew."   
  
"SHIT!" Renae threw the empty bottle across the room, shattering it against the far wall.   
  


**~~~*~~~**

Lily and James had invited them over for dinner. Sirius now sat next to Renae, watching her eat. By the look in her eyes, he could tell she was thinking about something. For the past several weeks she had that look in her eyes from time to time, but each time he would question her about it, she seemed to snap out of it.   
  


Harry sat between James and Lily and had launched his cup across the table. Without looking up from her plate, Lily picked her wand up off the table and stopped the air born cup. Sirius couldn't help but chuckle at Lily's nonchalant reflex. Renae didn't seem to notice, even though the cup was suspended in the air only inches from her head.   
  


"Renae, are you alright?" he asked her.   
  


Like before, she seemed to snap out of a trance. "What? Oh, yeah, I'm fine." She quickly emptied her glass of juice as Lily began clearing the table, starting with the floating cup.   
  


"Sorry about that Renae, he likes to see me stop it." Lily apologized as Harry sat clapping.   
  


Renae laughed. "It's okay Lily."   
  
********

After clearing the table, Sirius and James put Harry to bed and went in the living room to talk, leaving Lily and Renae alone in the kitchen. Lily made coffee, and they sat across the table from each other, sipping their drinks. "Lily, I heard Aleanor had a sapphire necklace, and that Snape gave it to her. Is that true?"   
  
Lily nodded her head while setting down her coffee. "Yes, he gave it to her our seventh year… for Christmas I think." Lily looked down at her drink. Renae knew it was still tough for her to talk about Aleanor. She looked back up at Renae. "She wore it all the time, never took it off for _anything_. She wore it the last time I saw her."   
  
Renae smiled. "Did Gregory have her buried with it?" She knew Lily had helped Gregory with the funeral plans, since he lives in America and their parents didn't have the heart to do it.   
  


"No. Actually, Gregory gave the necklace to his mother. She had asked for it for some reason," Lily sipped her coffee, "it probably reminded her of Aleanor."   
  
Renae nodded and finished her coffee. _Now to tell Severus…_


	8. News all around

**_News all around…_**   
  


_~8~_   
  


Renae dismissed her last class and headed to the dungeons. She had been trying to find Severus to tell him what she found out about Aleanor's necklace, but he always seemed to be out lately. Reaching the classroom, she again found it empty. _Why in the world you always seem to slip out right after class, I'll never know!_ She quickly checked his office. It was empty too. _Damn it Severus, you asked me for a favor, and I'm trying to give you an answer here!_ She stormed out of the room.   
  


**~~~*~~~**

"So Prongs, how's it going?" Sirius asked James as he walked into Sirius' office. Since James was promoted, he no longer had to share the now spacious room.   
  


James rolled his eyes before flopping himself in an empty chair. "Not good. You-Know-Who's been keeping me on my toes, that's for sure. I have a feeling I may be getting close to him."   
  


"Why do you say that?"   
  
"Because, I'm coming up against more and more Death Eaters trying to take me out! Merlin, one person shouldn't be doing this on their own!"   
  
Sirius handed him a sandwich. James ate lunch with him every time they were actually in the building together, which wasn't much lately.   
  


James took it, lifting the top piece of bread. "Oh… Munster."   
  
Sirius chuckled. "I thought I'd be nice."   
  


**~~~*~~~**

Renae had practically given up on finding Severus, and after taking a long nap in her room, she headed to the Great Hall for dinner. As she sat down next to Professor McGonagall, she was surprised to see Severus walk in and sit in his usual seat, two chairs from her. He hadn't been in for dinner all week. As she sat looking over at him, he looked over and gave her a weak smile.   
  
Renae's stomach growled as food appeared on the table. Filling her plate, she began to feel as though she was quickly losing her appetite. The food looked incredible, but for some reason, the smell of it was beginning to make her stomach churn. Those around her piled their plates and began shovelling bits into their mouths, the smell still wafting into her nose. Her stomach suddenly felt as if it flipped upside down. Quickly, she put her hand to her mouth. The room spinned as she realized that the strange tingle radiating through her body could only mean one thing. _Dear Merlin!_   
  
Knowing she couldn't hold it back, she dashed out of the Great Hall just in time to run into the Faculty bathroom and into one of the stalls. She grabbed the sides of the toilet as the contents of her stomach forced themselves up and into the bowl. She felt like she was heaving up her every last organ. As the feeling began to subside, there came a voice from behind her.   
  


"Renae, are you alright?"   
  


Severus placed a hand on her shoulder as she continued to breath heavy. She started to nod her head when another wave hit her. "NO!" she shouted before grabbing the sides of the toilet once more.   
  


Severus stayed there, waiting until Renae felt well enough to stand up and walk away from the toilet. As she did, he took hold of her arm and helped her to the mirror. Renae groaned as she saw her green tinged face stare back at her. "I look as awful as I feel!"   
  
Severus handed her a glass of water. "Here."   
  
"Thanks." She took it and drank half the glass.   
  


He still had a hold of her shoulder. "Are you ill?"   
  


Renae set down the glass, slightly shaking her head. "I was fine until the food appeared on the table. I was starving one minute and throwing up the next." She looked over to see a strange look cross his face.   
  


"Did the smell of the food bother you?"   
  


"Well, yes, actually." He seemed to think about this for a minute, his eyes drifting away from her face. "Severus, what is it?"   
  
He let go of her shoulder and paced the bathroom. "By any chance, have you been tired lately, feeling worn down?"   
  


Renae thought about it and realized she had been napping a lot lately. She had even fallen asleep while administering a quiz earlier that week. "Now that you mention it, yeah, I have been."   
  
Severus grabbed her arm. "Come with me." He began leading her to his office.   
  
"Severus, what is it?" His grip remained tight, and he didn't answer her question. As he walked faster, she felt her stomach beginning to churn again. "Slow down, please, I'm feeling sick again!" She quickly covered her mouth.   
  


"Sorry," he apologized, slowing down a bit as they reached the dungeons.   
  


He pushed his office door open and pulled an empty chair up beside his desk. "Sit here, I'll be back in a moment."   
  
Having grown to trust him, she obeyed and sat in the large black leather seat. She was thankful it had such a high back, she was able to let her head fall back against it. Closing her eyes, her stomach slowly started to settle down. In the classroom, she could hear the sound of a spoon scrapping along the inside of a cauldron and the distinct tinkle of glass upon glass.   
  
"Renae," a warm hand was gently shaking her, "Renae, wake up." She opened her eyes to find Severus standing beside her, holding a small knife and an empty glass vial. "I need a little of your blood."   
  
The statement sent her bolting upright in the chair. "Are you serious?"   
  
He nodded. "Will you trust me?"   
  


His face looked a little shocked when she nodded and reached for the knife. Her hand trembled as the light of the candle across the room glinted off the blade. _I hate knives!_ She held the blade against her forearm, but couldn't move it. Quickly she lifted the knife and held it out to Severus.   
  


"I can't, I hate knives. You do it."   
  


"Are you sure?" he asked, as he took the knife from her hand.   
  


"Yeah, just let me close my eyes first."   
  


She closed her eyes and gritted her teeth. There was a small, warm tingle on the inside of her forearm.   
  


"There."   
  


Renae opened her eyes as he finished healing the tiny cut with his wand. She had barely felt him cutting into her flesh, he was so gentle, _and quick!_ He gave her a smile before heading back into the classroom, the vial carrying a small amount of her blood in his hand.   
  


She heard the sound of the spoon again hitting the inside of the cauldron and the sound of liquid being poured. Soon after, Severus walked into his office, carrying a tall glass tube filled with an odd, pale beige liquid.   
  


"What's that?" she asked as he set the tube down on his desk and sat in his chair. On the tube were several lines going up the glass, each numbered one through forty.   
  


"Wait."   
  


"Wait for wha…" Renae stopped when she noticed the liquid at the bottom of the tube turn pink. Slowly, more changed color, until it stopped at the line labeled six. It looked strange, all the liquid above that line remained beige.   
  


Severus put a hand to his temple and slouched back in his chair, letting out a deep breath as he did.   
  


"What?" she asked him.   
  


He pointed to the glass tube. "Do you know what that means?"   
  


She looked at it. "No. Why?"   
  


"It just told us what is wrong with you."   
  


Her heartbeat quickened. "Well, what?" She leaned in, grabbing the edge of his desk.   
  


"You're pregnant."   
  


Renae's eyes bulged out and her jaw dropped. Words failed her. Severus continued to explain. "The potion turns pink or blue depending on the baby's sex, stopping at the line that indicates how far a long you are. So according to this, you're six weeks pregnant with a baby girl. You're due June the first."   
  
  


Renae began shaking her head. "No, no, no, no, no. This isn't happening." Standing up, she backed away from the desk. "This is all just a bad dream. I'm not pregnant, and any moment now I'll wake up."   
  
Severus stood up and walked towards her. "No, Renae, I'm afraid you're not dreaming." She began to shake as he took her arm. "Relax, you're going to be fine."   
  


"But… but Sirius," she stammered, "oh_, Merlin_, he's gonna _kill me!_"   
  


Severus laughed. "He is _not_ going to kill you. _Himself _maybe, but not you."   
  


"Oh, _very_ funny." She rolled her eyes.   
  


He pulled her into a hug. "Black may be not be my favorite person in the world, but I do know one thing. He loves you. You'll be alright.'   
  


Renae gave him a peck on the cheek. "You're right." Then panic hit her again. "_Oh shit,_ Severus, how in the world do I tell him?"   
  


Severus chuckled, leading her back to the leather chair. "Just tell him."   
  


"_Oh, yeah!_ Hey Sirius, guess what? I'm pregnant. We're having a baby girl in June. Yeah, that will go over _nicely_," she retorted, dripping with sarcasm.   
  


He chuckled again. "Maybe not, but the look on his face would be priceless!" Severus broke out in the most ridiculous looking smile she had ever seen on him. "Owww!"   
  


Renae had just nailed him in the arm.   
  


********

Sirius drug himself into his office. His cloak was in shreds, his robes torn, his hair matted to his head with sweat, and his arms covered in bleeding wounds. He and two other Aurors had walked right into an ambush. Luckily all three of them got out, which was more than they could say for two of the Death Eaters.   
  


As he walked into the empty room, he threw what was left of his cloak in the trash, and flopped into his chair. He closed his eyes and laid his head back. All he wanted to do now was go home, take a nice long, hot shower, and dive into bed. After resting his eyes for a moment, he sat up and noticed an envelope sitting on his desk. Sirius recognized the handwriting immediately.   
  


_Sirius,   
  
_

_Dumbledore has asked to see Lily and me tonight; apparently he has received some news that concerns us. I would feel better if you came over as well, Lily would too, I'm sure. You're like a brother to me, and I know you would want to know what is going on. Please come over for dinner tonight, 6 o'clock. Thanks!   
  
_

_James   
  
_

Sirius folded up the letter and went to stuff it into his robes, only to find his pocket no longer had a bottom. Rolling his eyes, he tucked the parchment into his pants pocket and headed home to clean himself up.   
  


********

"Renae, you must tell him."   
  


"I know that Severus, I just can't yet."   
  


Severus had begun pacing his office, like a great black bat circling its prey. "You can't just put it off, he'll find out _eventually_."   
  
Renae rolled her eyes. "No shit, Sherlock!" He looked at her as if she sprouted a second head. "Muggle reference…" He looked towards the ceiling. "Look, I _will_ tell him…but not until I'm ready. _I'm still getting use to the idea **myself!**_"   
  


He finally stood still for a moment. "Then when? Next week? Next month? You won't have that long before…" he waved towards her stomach.   
  


"I _know_! I'm not going to wait _that_ long! I just need some time, that's all." She appreciated his concern for her, but he was, again, becoming very stubborn. He crossed his arms and stood in front of her. "Alright, I'll tell him by Halloween, _okay?_" she asked. His stern look didn't fade. "That's only two weeks away," she added.   
  


Severus let out a sigh. "Alright. But if you don't tell him by Halloween_, I_ am stepping in."   
  
"Yeah, Sirius would _LOVE _that!** "   
  
**

********

Sirius Apparated into the street and made his way up the Potter's walk. Lily opened the door before he even reached it. "Hi, Sirius!" She gave him a hug.   
  


"Hi, Lily. How's Harry?"   
  


Lily led him inside, closing the door behind him. "Calm for a change. Ever since James got home, Harry has been rather subdued. I think he realizes something's on his father's mind."   
  
Sirius nodded. "Probably does. It's hard to get things past that little guy."   
  
As they walked into the dining room, Sirius found James sitting, feeding Harry his dinner. "Hi, Sirius. I thought I'd get Harry fed and off to bed early tonight. I don't think Dumbledore would appreciate any wand pulling tonight."   
  


Sirius laughed and rubbed his backside. "Yeah, I still have memories of that!"   
  


Lily went back in the kitchen as James finished wiping Harry's face. Sirius quickly filled James in on the events of the day. When Harry was finally taken upstairs and put into bed, Dumbledore arrived. Sirius greeted him while Lily began setting the food out on the table. James soon came down from tucking Harry in bed, and joined them around the table.   
  
"So, James how is little Harry?"   
  
James smiled at Dumbledore. "Fine."   
  


"Good, good." The old man ran a hand over his beard and turned to Sirius. "I hear you had an exciting day."   
  
Chuckling he responded, "Yeah, just a little."   
  
Lily seemed a little nervous as she brought in the rolls. "Let's eat before this gets cold."   
  


Dumbledore didn't waste time to give them his news. "Actually, Lily, I feel we need to talk first, if you don't mind." He looked over his half-moon spectacles as she timidly nodded in agreement, setting the rolls down on the table. The old man continued, "James, Lily, I'm afraid I have heard some rather disturbing news."   
  
Sirius watched James swallowed hard.   
  


"I have been informed that Voldemort has expressed a desire to rid himself of one of his greatest threats, which, at the moment, is you." Lily's eyes grew wide. "Now, I trust my source entirely, and feel that all of you, including Harry, are at great risk. We must put our heads together and find a way to help protect you from Voldemort and his followers, who, even at this moment, are working to find you and destroy you."   
  


Sirius felt his heart stop as he looked over at his best friend and his wife, their hands clenched together so tight, their knuckles were white. James' worst fear had come true, not only was he Voldemort's target; but so was his family.   
  


Sirius felt tears forming in his eyes.   
  


**~~~*~~~**

Renae awoke, at noon, and was grateful it was Saturday. She was starving, so much so, she was willing to give food another try. Putting herself together, she stopped and looked in her full-length mirror. Turning sideways, she put her hand over her stomach. "Won't be flat for long."   
  
She was still chastising herself for setting the bottle of Anne's Lace potion on the nightstand that night, which left it vulnerable to being knocked over. _How could you be so stupid!_ She looked down at her flat stomach, her hand still resting over it. "Sirius, I hope you can handle this," she muttered, imagining the worst.   
  


Yeah, he was an excellent godfather. He had grown up, a lot, from even a few years ago, but _a child_…out of wedlock. Renae wasn't even sure he could handle _wedlock_. A baby would surely scare him off.   
  


She took one last look at herself in the mirror and headed for the Great Hall.   
  


********

Sirius got up, finding himself passed out on the couch. He didn't get back from James' till about four o'clock that morning. James had ended up asking Remus to come over, but he couldn't find Peter.   
  


The four of them, James, Sirius, Remus, and Dumbledore, had stayed up late to come up with a plan while Lily headed for bed; she had Harry to look after the next day. What they had finally come up with made Sirius a little uneasy, but he'd do anything for his best friend, even put himself in harm's way.   
  


Sirius sat up and stretched. On the mantelpiece sat a picture of Renae, smiling at him. Sirius stared at it, the memory of her violet scented skin hitting him. He hadn't seen her in a week; he had been so busy at work. Deciding to visit her, he dragged himself into the bathroom and started the shower.   
  


********

Most of the students were still eating lunch when Renae walked into the Great Hall and headed for the head table. She was feeling rather good as she walked halfway into the room, but it wouldn't last. Only a few yards from the head table, the smell of the food was beginning to get to her again. Severus caught her eye and motioned for the back door, which led to the Faculty bathroom.   
  


_Not again!_ She thought as she gave him a quick nod, her stomach flipping over.   
  


She ran to the back door, which Severus reached in time to hold open for her. Running into the Faculty bathroom, she dashed into the nearest stall, taking the familiar position.   
  


"Perhaps you should eat in private for a while. The variety of foods in the Great Hall apparently does not agree with you."   
  


Renae spit a mouthful of saliva into the bowl. "No shit! What ever gave you _that_ idea?"   
  
********

Walking into the Entrance Hall, Sirius ran into McGonagall. "Good afternoon, Professor." He bowed, causing her to chuckle.   
  


"Good afternoon Sirius. I haven't seen you lately," she tilted her head, looking over her glasses, "either you have gotten better at not being seen, or you haven't been in this past week."   
  
Sirius laughed. "I'll never tell," he grinned. "Have you seen Renae?"   
  
McGonagall's face paled a bit. "Yes, she headed for the Faculty bathroom only a few minutes ago."   
  


"Is something wrong, Professor?"   
  
"No, Sirius, I just think she hasn't been feeling well lately. She left dinner last night as well, without eating a bite."   
  


"Thanks, I'll go see how she is."   
  


McGonagall gave him a smile as he made his way past her and towards the Faculty bathroom. 


	9. I've changed my mind!

**_I've changed my mind!_**   
  


_~9~_   
  


The soles of Sirius' shoes made dull 'clunks' on the stone floor of the corridor as he walked towards the Faculty bathroom. As he was about to turn around a corner, the sound of voices drifted in the air. Thinking nothing of it, he turned the corner and felt his blood boil.

Snape and Renae walking away from him. Towards her room. Snape holding on to her arm.   
  


_That slimy, worthless bastard! _  
  


Sirius was about to run over to them, but thought better of it. They were _talking, _not arguing or throwing insults at each other. _Oh, Merlin, no…don't tell me she befriended HIM! _He decided to follow them, quietly of course, and find out exactly how close they had become.   
  


As Snape and Renae reached the violet painting, Sirius ducked behind a suit of armor.   
  


"Are you sure you'll be alright?" Snape asked, putting his hand on Renae's shoulder.   
  


"Yeah, Severus, thanks. I just want to lay down for a while," she responded.   
  


Sliding his hand down her arm he said, "You really must eat something."   
  
Renae smiled at Severus and patted him on the shoulder. "I know, don't worry, I'm not about to starve myself; it wouldn't be healthy for either of us."   
  
_'Either of us?' What the hell are you talking about Renae? _Sirius thought to himself.   
  


Snape gave her a quick hug. Sirius pulled his wand out, trying to decide which hex he'd use on him.   
  


"I'll bring you dinner tonight, if that would be alright?" Snape asked.   
  


_Snape, being NICE? I think I'm going to be sick._ For a moment, Sirius thought he felt his stomach lurch. **  
  
**

"Alright," she answered with a smile.   
  


As Snape walked away he said, "And remember, Renae, you need to tell Black soon."   
  
  


Renae leaned against the wall. "Merlin, Severus, I know…would you stop it already!"   
  


As Snape disappeared around a corner, Renae turned to face the violet portrait and gasped.   
  


Sirius had stepped out from behind the suit of armor and stood, staring, with his arms crossed. "Tell me what, Renae?" She turned ghostly pale. "Falcon." The panel opened, as he took Renae's arm. "Let's take this inside."   
  
********

She felt the world drop out from under her when she turned and saw Sirius standing there. _Oh dear Merlin, how long was he there…and what did he hear?!_   
  


"Tell me what, Renae?" His arms were crossed, something he only did when he was seriously upset. Renae couldn't think quickly enough. _What to say…what to say…_ "Falcon." He took her arm as the panel opened. "Let's take this inside."   
  
He led her through the narrow passage and straight to the couch. Renae felt sweat beading up on her forehead. Sirius motioned for her to take a seat next to him. "So, tell me what?" he repeated, a bite in his voice.   
  


"Ah, ah, nothing really," she stammered. _Damn it Renae, don't stammer._   
  


Sirius sat back, a hard look on his face. "_Really?_ It seemed rather important to Snape, so it must be _something_."   
  
_Now is definitely **not** the time to tell him you're expecting his child. _  
  
"He just wanted to make sure I told you I wasn't feeling good, th, that's all." _Shit!_   
  


"You're lying." He didn't take his eyes off her for a second, and it was really beginning to unnerve her.   
  


"No, I'm not! I really _haven't_ felt good lately!" she shouted, glaring back at him.   
  


"Then why did you run to _Snivellus?_ And since when have the two of you been on a first name basis?" Sirius shouted back, sitting up straight as his gaze fixed on her.   
  


"I've been talking to him ever since Aleanor's funeral, _if you must know_. And it doesn't matter how long we've been on a first name basis, he's a friend!"   
  
Sirius leaped off the couch. "**_A friend?_** _Are you mad?_ I wouldn't trust Snape with the time of day, let alone what I think!"   
  
Renae jumped up off the couch, staring him down. "Well, if you'd pull your _head _out of your **_ass_** for one minute, then maybe you'd see he isn't all that bad!"   
  
Furious, Sirius' face turned scarlet, something only Severus had been able to achieve before. "_My head_ out of _my arse? _What the hell happened to make you stand up for the **_bastard!_**"   
  
"Don't call him a bastard! He's my _friend!_" Renae felt the anger boiling inside of her. They had never fought like this before. "_He's_ been there for me lately, which is more than I can say for _you! _You haven't shown your face around here in over a week!"   
  


Fire ignited in Sirius' eyes. "Did it ever occur to you that I've been _risking my life_ for you? I was nearly killed in an ambush yesterday! But _noooo_, apparently that didn't cross your mind, you were too busy running off to _Snape!_"   
  
Tears were welling up in Renae's eyes. She couldn't control them; she didn't even know why she had chosen that particular moment to cry.   
  


Sirius ran a hand through his hair. After turning his gaze to the fire for a moment, he looked back at Renae. "What's really going on with you and Snape? And don't say 'nothing', _just tell me!_"   
  
********

Sirius was waiting for her to answer, as she stood there crying. It always wrenched his heart when she would cry, but he _had_ to know. He saw the two of them with his own eyes, something was going on, and he feared the worst.   
  


Renae wiped away some tears with her hand. "Nothing."   
  
Sirius snapped. "_Damn it Renae!_ Why are you lying to me? I thought we didn't have secrets," she fell back into the couch, crying harder, "or is _he_ your secret? Is that it? You've chosen him over me!"   
  
She looked up at him, shock written all over her face. "No, Sirius, you know I love you!"   
  
His heart was telling him to believe her, but his mind kept getting in the way. "Well, what else am I suppose to think when I see my girlfriend and worst enemy arm in arm? You tell me."   
  
She just sat there, wiping away the tears that continued to stream down her face.   
  


He didn't want to continue this conversation anymore, he had to get some fresh air and clear his mind. Without another word, he turned and left.   
  


**~~~*~~~**

"Renae?" 

Renae looked up from her tear-drenched pillow to see Severus holding a plate full of food. "Renae what happened?" He quickly put the plate down on the table and walked to her bed.   
  


Renae sat up, trying to stop the tears that had been flowing for nearly four hours. She had fallen asleep several times, only to wake up from a dream where she was reliving her fight with Sirius, tears streaming down her face again.   
  


"Sirius… We had a fight… A really _bad_ fight."   
  
Severus sat down on the bed beside her. "You told him?"   
  
"No, I couldn't, not with him accusing me of cheating on him."   
  
Severus' eyebrow raised. "Cheating? With whom?" he asked in a surprisingly amused tone.   
  


Renae laughed while wiping more tears away. "You."   
  
"What in bloody hell would give Black _that_ idea?" he asked again, seeming even more pleased.   
  


"He apparently saw us leaving the Faculty bathroom, _you_ holding my arm."   
  


He handed Renae a handkerchief. "Well, I could see how he could misconstrue that. Not the fastest snitch in the match, is he?"   
  
The dark grin of satisfaction on his face was the last thing she needed to see at the moment. Rather than scold him, she decided to ignore it and continue to dry her eyes.   
  


He took her chin and turned her face towards him. "You've been crying all day haven't you? You look dreadful."   
  
"Thanks, you sure know how to cheer a girl up." He chuckled at her sarcasm. "Is it really dinner time already?"   
  


"Yes," he answered as he walked to the table, pulling out a chair, "I tried to bring something that may agree with your stomach."   
  
Renae went over and sat in the seat he held out for her. "Thanks." She leaned over and smelled the food. Severus sat in the other chair, watching for any signs of her becoming sick again. Smelling the food again, she smiled. "So far, so good."   
  
********

Sirius wanted to get away, so he decided to take a walk through muggle London. It felt good, every once in a while, to shed his robes and cloak. As he was walking, he tried to think of something to do to take his mind off of his fight with Renae. It was then that a loud rumbling noise caught his attention. Riding along the street was a person on a motorcycle.   
  


Sirius grinned.   
  
**~~~*~~~**

Renae had been doing better ever since the night Severus brought her dinner. She hadn't heard from Sirius in two days, and felt it best to leave him to cool down. She only had a week and a half left until Halloween, and if she didn't manage to tell Sirius she was pregnant by then, Severus was going to 'step in' as he put it. Renae knew that would only make matters worse.   
  


Walking to her classroom to do some grading, she bumped into Severus as he came around the corner. "Oh, Renae, it's you."   
  
"Yes, Severus, so only a mild scolding, _please_."   
  
He lightly chuckled, then noticed some students look at him funny. "Watch where you're going!" he bellowed. The students' eyes widen and they quickly disappeared around the corner.   
  


"Nice save."   
  
"I do have a reputation to uphold." He began walking along side her. "Have you heard from Black?"   
  
"No, nothing. But I did set up that doctor's appointment."   
  
"You're not going to that Muggle, are you?" She could hear the disgust in his voice.   
  


Renae grabbed the handle of the door and turned to look at him. "Yes, _I am_. If I go to one of the mid-witches, someone would see me, and word would spread."   
  
He rolled his eyes. "It will spread anyways_, when you do_."   
  
"Witty with the jokes, _aren't we?_" she retorted sarcastically, as she purposely opened the door to block his face.   
  


**~~~*~~~**

Sirius felt awful. Actually, he felt quite disgusted with himself. He had actually accused Renae of falling for Snape. _Merlin, what's wrong with me?_ The memory of seeing her burst into tears, as he continued to yell at her, made him nauseous.   
  


For days it had bothered him, but he just hadn't built up the courage to face her after what he had said. He wouldn't blame her if she never forgave him for being such a paranoid, uncaring twat.   
  


_Wait, did I just insult myself? _  
  


_Yes, you did. And you deserved it._   
  


_Great. Now I have TWO voices._   
  


_Make that three, I agree with the other two._   
  


Sirius wanted to laugh at his own thoughts, but he was too depressed. _Perhaps another ride on my new motorcycle?_ He quickly grabbed a cloak and headed for the door.   
  


**_****_**

Renae just had to get some chocolate frogs. HAD TO. _Merlin, I'm craving already!_ Grabbing her cloak, she headed out of her room and towards the Entrance Hall. It was time she visited Hogsmeade and Honeydukes.   
  


As she walked out of Honeydukes with a bag full of chocolate frogs, she decided to stop for a drink, even if she could only have a pumpkin juice. Entering the Three Broomsticks, she sat at an empty table in the corner and ordered her drink. While she waited, she opened a chocolate frog. Tears began welling up in her eyes.   
  


Sirius had introduced her to chocolate frogs.   
  


_Why the hell am I crying over a damn candy?_ Trying to avoid the real reason, she told herself, _it's the hormones._   
  


**_****_**

He never really thought about where he was flying to, he just seemed to end up there, and today he ended up landing behind the Three Broomsticks. _Huh, a Butterbeer does sound good right now!_ Sirius put the kickstand down on his motorcycle and made his way inside.   
  


Walking in, he quickly noticed someone sitting at a table in the corner, their arms crossed on the table and their head down. Before he turned to find a table, they lifted their head and Sirius swallowed, hard. It was Renae, and she was crying.   
  


Sirius knew he had to talk to her, he _had_ to apologize, he just couldn't bear seeing her like this. Quickly he made his way to her table.   
  


"Renae."   
  
She looked up at him, her face red from crying. "Sirius."   
  
"May I sit with you?" She nodded and began wiping away her tears. Sirius, becoming nervous, sat down, trying to think of what to say. An awkward silence fell.   
  


"Can we talk, because this silence is driving me crazy." Renae finally spoke.   
  


He lightly chuckled. "Sorry, I wasn't sure what to say."   
  
A weak smile crossed her face. "Neither did I."   
  
"I'm sorry about what I said the other day. It was stupid, paranoid, and completely uncalled for."   
  
She smiled. "Then you don't think I'm about to run off with Severus?"   
  
"No. And could you please call him Snape around me, it's unnerving to hear you call him _Severus_." He gave a shiver, causing her to laugh.   
  


"Yeah, okay."   
  


He took her hand and scooted closer to her. "You forgive me then?"   
  
"Yes, I forgive you," she answered in mock exasperation.   
  


Sirius pulled her in for a kiss.   
  


**_****_**

As they pulled away from each other, Renae contemplated telling Sirius her news. Before she could open her mouth to tell him, he spoke.   
  


"Renae, something else has been on my mind, and I really need to talk to you about it. Could we go somewhere more private?"   
  
Privacy sounded good, because then when he was finished, she could tell him she was pregnant. "Alright, where?"   
  
  


He grinned. "How about my place. I have a new way to get there." He picked up her bag. "What's with the hoard of chocolate frogs?"   
  


"I just haven't had any in a while." She was praying she wasn't blushing.   
  


"Oh, well, come on." With a smile he grabbed her hand and led her outside. "You're going to love this!"   
  
Renae knew that look, it was the 'boy with a new toy' look. _Dear Merlin, now what did he do?_   
  


**_~~~*~~~_**

Sirius loved the feel of the breeze blowing in his hair with Renae's arms wrapped around his waist. She had laughed hysterically upon seeing the motorcycle, but eagerly hopped on behind him.   
  


Slowly he landed, putting down the kickstand. Renae carefully dismounted. "Well, that was interesting," she laughed.   
  


"I told you, you would love it." He loved seeing her smile. It seemed as though their fight never even happened. He led her inside. Renae made herself comfortable on the couch as Sirius put her bag of chocolate frogs on the table.   
  


"So, what's on your mind?" she asked.   
  


He joined her on the couch. "The other day, James asked me to join him and Lily for dinner. Dumbledore was going to be talking to them about some news he heard concerning them."   
  
"And?"   
  
He took a deep breath and released it before continuing. "You-Know-Who is after the Potters, all of them." Renae's face paled. "But we've figured out how to protect them."   
  
"How, and who's 'we'?"   
  
"Me, Remus, James, and Dumbledore. Before you ask, James tried to get a hold of Peter, but he couldn't. Anyways, we've decided to perform the Fidelius Charm."   
  
Renae sat up, her eyes widening. "Well then, who's going to be the Secret Keeper?"   
  
**_****_**

Sirius sat there, not answering. His silence answered her question. 

"You are." He nodded. 

"When are you doing it?"   
  
"In two days, on the twenty fourth."   
  
Renae didn't know what else to say. She knew he would do anything for his friends; especially James, they were practically brothers. Everyone knew that. _Shit!_   
  


"Sirius, don't you think you're the first person You-Know-Who would suspect as their Secret Keeper, I mean everyone knows you two are like brothers."   
  


"I suppose."   
  
He didn't seem very concerned, while thoughts of raising their child alone popped into her mind. "What about Remus?"   
  
"Remus? He gave us the idea, but he doesn't have the ability to hide as well as me. You know how his financial situation is, and how he gets ill."   
  
"Peter then?" Renae knew her voice sounded a little panicked, but she didn't care.   
  


**_****_**

"What, you think I'm incapable of keeping my best friend's secret?" he asked, feeling she thought him too immature to handle such a responsibility.   
  


Renae's face flushed. "No, I didn't mean it that way!"   
  
"Then how _did_ you mean it?"   
  
"I just worry about you, I'm afraid of losing you," she said, looking on the verge of tears.   
  


_You should have know that's what was worrying her…you're getting paranoid again! _Sirius ran his hands along her arms. "Renae, Peter wouldn't be the best choice. You know what a nervous person he is. He'd be the last person anyone would chose to be their Secret Keeper. We felt I would be the best option."   
  


That's when it hit him. _The last person._ Why hadn't he thought about it before? That would be even better! He had to talk to James, right away.   
  


"Renae, I almost forgot I have an important meeting I have to go to. I'll take you back to the school." Getting up, he grabbed her bag off the table.   
  


Looking at him questioningly, she stood up. "Alright."   
  


**_~~~*~~~_**

Sirius gave Lily a smile as she opened the door for him. "Hi, Lily."   
  


"Hi, Sirius. James is in the living room. Would you like some tea?"   
  


"Yes, thanks."   
  


Lily walked into the kitchen as Sirius made his way into the living room. James was sitting on the couch, closing a book he had been reading. "So, Sirius, what's on your mind?"   
  


"I wanted to talk to you about the Fidelius Charm. I think we should change your Secret Keeper."   
  


Shock spread over James' face. "What? Why? Don't you want to be our Secret Keeper? You're practically my brother for Merlin's sake!"   
  
Sirius thought his best friend might react this way. "James, wait, listen to me. I DO want to help you, I'd love nothing more than to be your Secret Keeper, but I think it would be setting ourselves up for disaster."   
  
"How do you mean?"   
  
Lily walked in handing Sirius a cup of tea. "Thanks." After a long sip, he continued, "James, who's the first person Voldemort would suspect as your Secret Keeper if he figures out what we've done?"   
  
Comprehension dawned on James' face. Lily, who had apparently been listening in from the kitchen, answered, "You, Sirius."   
  


"Exactly. But, if we use someone else, someone he'd be least likely to suspect, your safety would be better kept."   
  
James took a hold of Lily's hand. "Who? Remus?"   
  
Sirius shifted in his seat. "Well, actually, I've been thinking… I've been wondering lately, how Voldemort even got wind of your current activites. Besides me, you, Crouch, and Dumbledore, who else knew what you were doing?"   
  
James' face fell. "Remus."  

  
With a nod, Sirius said, "I'm not sure we can trust him. I think our plan's already in danger because Remus knows about it, but if we switch Secret Keepers, he'll still think it's me. I'll draw his attention away from your real Secret Keeper."   
  
"Then who would we use?" Lily asked.   
  


"Peter," Sirius answered.


	10. Everything begins to fall apart

**_Everything begins to fall apart..._**   
  
_~10~_   
  
Renae walked into the potions classroom, having run out of Wit-Sharpening Potion, Severus told her to stop by to pick up more. _Thank Merlin I can still take this._ Without it, she was finding it more and more difficult to think clearly in class; the pregnancy induced scatter-brainness had kicked in during the past week.   
  
Severus looked up from a cauldron full of boiling yellow liquid. "I can see you need more potion, you were _supposed_ to come an hour ago."   
  
"Really?" She took a seat beside him, absent-mindedly putting her elbow on the table as she propped her head in her hand. "I'm sorry."   
  
Without turning his head, his eyes rolled over to her before he chuckled. "You do realize you have just put your elbow in a tray of Bundimun secretion?"   
  
"Oh, shit!" She lifted her elbow out of the thick liquid, only now feeling the burning sensation. "As if my week hasn't been bad enough!" Severus calmly walked into his office. "Ah, Severus..." her elbow felt like it was over a red hot flame, "think you could move a little faster?"   
  
He came back carrying a bottle of green liquid, pouring some on a cloth and handing it to Renae. "Wipe it with this."   
  
Quickly she wiped her elbow and immediately felt the cool relief. "Thanks!"   
  
"So why has your week been bad?" he asked as he sat back down, resuming his task of cutting ginger root. As she went to put down the cloth, he added without taking his eyes off his work, "You'll want to keep that on for at least half an hour."   
  
"Oh." Putting the cloth back on her elbow, she answered his question. "Well, I got behind on my grading, me sleeping so much lately. Sirius has been so bogged down at work, he's only had time to write to me once. _Forget about seeing each other_." Severus quietly nodded with each statement she made. Renae turned and put her hands in her lap. "Have you heard a _single_ thing I've said?"   
  
He didn't even look up. "Yes, Renae. Behind on grades...sleeping a lot...poor excuse for a wizard..." She nailed him in the arm. He slammed his knife down on the table. "I would _prefer_ if you would refrain from assaulting me while I _work!_"   
  
"Then _don't_ insult Sirius." He quickly looked at her and back at his work, with no further comment. She had learned that that was his way of acknowledging his cooperation.   
  
Severus quickly changed the subject. "Why don't you see Black tomorrow, it's a Saturday, surely he won't be working."   
  
Renae remembered that tomorrow was the twenty-fourth; he would be with James and Lily casting the Fidelius Charm. "No, he's busy tomorrow."   
  
Severus put some armadillo bile in the boiling cauldron, and then turned to face her. "Renae, you're running out of time. Next Saturday is Halloween, and you still haven't told Black you're carrying his child. I'm beginning to think you have no intention of informing him of your condition."   
  
I _am _going to tell him. It's just...well... every chance I've had lately, something comes up, and I can't." The look on his face told her he didn't believe her. "I'm _not_ making excuses, OKAY! Merlin, you can really be a pain in my ass."   
  
He chuckled. "Fine." He stirred the contents of the cauldron. "I have your Wit-Sharpening Potion on my desk."   
  
"Then, what's that?" Renae pointed to the cauldron.   
  
"Wit-Sharpening Potion." She gave him a confused look. "I thought I had better have a good store of it, seeing as how badly you need it." Pulling back her fist, he had his wand out in the blink of an eye. With a sneer on his face he sang, "_Renae..._"   
  
She huffed and lowered her fist. "You're no fun."   
  
********   
  
Sirius wiped the sweat from his forehead as he stood in the shadows awaiting the signal from Tarlton, the Auror helping him on this capture. They had been following this Death Eater all week, and had not slept in two days. As he worked to keep his heavy eyelids open, his thoughts drifted to Renae.   
  
_How I miss you!_ He'd give anything to catch this bastard, haul him in and have time enough left over to go visit her, but he knew that wasn't about to happen. They could be there all night, as they had the night before. For now, the memory of her violet scented skin would have to be enough.   
  
********   
  
Getting up from the seat, Renae walked into his office and found the Wit-Sharpening Potion sitting on his desk for her. She picked up the bottle and walked back into the classroom. Upon seeing Severus, still working, she slapped herself on the forehead. "_Damn it,_ I can't believe I forgot."   
  
"Forgot what?" he asked, again not lifting his eyes.   
  
"I found out about Aleanor's necklace." Dropping the knife on the table with a thud, Severus turned towards her, his eyes widening as she continued, "Her mother has it." His face dropped slightly. "What's wrong?" she asked.   
  
"I knew it wouldn't be possible, but I was hoping there might be some chance I could get it back. I have nothing else to remember her by." Picking up the knife, his face resumed its usual hardness. "Thank you for your help."   
  
Walking over, she stood in front of him, and held up the bottle of Wit-Sharpening Potion. "Thank you too."   
  
A smile spread across his face as he quickly looked up at her. "I will return the favor one day."   
  
"You just did."   
  
"_No._ To me, a favor is when you must go beyond your normal routine. Since I make that particular potion fairly often, there was no special effort in giving it to you."   
  
Leaning on the table, she replied with a grin, "What if I don't _want _a favor?"   
  
A familiar devious grin spread across his face. "You will... one day."   
  
**~~~*~~~**

  
It was Saturday night, and Sirius was finally home for the first time in days. He hadn't showered, slept, or even shaved, in that time. Since it was already ten o'clock, he knew the Fidelius Charm had already been cast, and Renae was in bed; so he decided to take a long, hot shower and sleep through Sunday.   
  
Waking up, Sirius rolled over and groaned. It was seven in the morning, and he still felt exhausted. _Don't tell me I only slept seven hours after going three days without sleep!_ He rolled back over, pulling the covers over his head to block out the light.   
  
"Sirius!"   
  
_Not now...let me sleep!   
  
_"Sirius, are you there?"   
  
He recognized James' voice. Pulling the covers off his face he shouted, "No! Now go away!"   
  
"Sirius, get up and get over here where I can see you!"   
  
Sirius slammed his fist on the mattress. "James, I haven't slept in three days, I don't have work today, so leave me alone!"   
  
"You do have work today, Padfoot!"   
  
He sat upright and threw off the covers as he scrambled to the fireplace. "What?"   
  
James face was in the flames. "It's Monday. I wanted to talk to you before work, tell you how Saturday went."   
  
Running a hand through his hair, he grabbed a shirt off the floor. "Alright, I'll be there in ten minutes."   
  
Chuckling, James responded, "Then I'll expect you in _twelve_."   
  
Sirius lifted the corner of his lip as James disappeared. Quickly he threw on his pants, robes, and grabbed a cloak on his way out.   
  
**~~~*~~~**   
  
Renae was nearing the end of her rope. All week she had tried to get together with Sirius, but he was always either at work, or not answering her owls. Mumbling to herself, she threw on a muggle coat and made her way to the Entrance Hall. As she was opening the great oak doors, Severus called to her from the stairs leading to the dungeons.   
  
"Renae," he glided over to her, his black billowing robes always made his movements more dramatic. _I'll bet that's why you wear them._   
  
"Are you heading out to your appointment?"   
  
"Yes, Severus, I am." She buttoned the heavy muggle coat before grabbing the handle to the door.   
  
"Are you sure you wouldn't prefer a mid-witch?"   
  
They had argued about it several times, each time it grated her nerves more and more. She knew he was only concerned about her, but his prejudice about muggle doctors was really upsetting her. "For the _last_ time, NO! I'll be fine, I swear I will return in one piece." Rolling her eyes, she quickly opened the heavy door and closed it behind her before another argument could ensue.   
  
********   
  
Sirius was enjoying lunch with James, a rare treat as of late. This time, James brought the sandwiches, all with Munster. Finishing his second sandwich, Sirius emptied his glass of pumpkin juice.   
  
"James, have you heard from Peter lately?"   
  
James finished swallowing a bite before answering. "Now that you mention it, no. Why?"   
  
Sirius leaned back in his chair. "I don't know. You told me about how well the casting went, but I wanted to talk to Peter about it. I've been too busy at work to try and reach him, although I did send him an short owl yesterday. It's just not like him to not send me a return owl."   
  
Setting down an empty glass, James responded, "Remember too, he's gone into hiding. Perhaps he's being cautious about drawing attention to his location."   
  
"Yeah, you're right. I'm probably just worrying too much. After all, everyone else still thinks I'm your Secret Keeper, and if they don't, I'm the one they would suspect anyways. I'll go and check on him tomorrow though, if only to put my mind at ease."   
  
James nodded in agreement. "You know how much it means to us, how you were willing to be our Secret Keeper."   
  
"But I'm not the one you should thank, that's Peter."   
  
**~~~*~~~**   
  
Fuming, Renae stomped down the corridor towards her room._ Emergency, have to reschedule...and on a Sunday!_ Her face was red with fury. _Drag myself all the way down there only to be told to come back later. Why couldn't they have their baby some other time! _Not paying any attention to where she was going, she turned a corner and walked right into Severus.   
  
"Why do I _always _seem to run into you?" She didn't mean for it to sounds so rude, but she was already really pissed off.   
  
Severus crossed him arms. "What's wrong with you? You look ready to hex someone."   
  
"I am," Renae growled. 

"And _why_, pray tell?"   
  
Taking a deep breath, she slowly let it out before ranting. "I got to the doctor's office, early, just in case. And I sit there for _an hour_, which my appointment was for one o'clock, but anyways...Finally, I'm told that another patient has gone into labor, so the doctor can't see me today, I have to go back _Sunday_; they won't be open on Halloween! Who the hell has ever heard of being closed on Halloween, but open on a Sunday?" Her chest rose and fell as her breathing grew rapid.   
  
"You need to rest before you hyperventilate and pass out." Severus put a hand on her shoulder, leading her to the violet painting that opened to her room.   
  
**~~~*~~~**   
  
Sirius received an owl from Renae that morning, asking him to celebrate Halloween with her, but he had other things on his mind. Peter still hadn't answered any of his owls, so Sirius decided to visit him that day.   
  
Though he hadn't seen Renae in days, he was feeling more and more anxious about Peter. She would have to wait, he had to see Peter and know he was fine, and the Potter's secret with him.   
  
********   
  
There was a tapping on Renae's window, and she walked over to let the school owl in. After relieving the bird of its letter, she gave it a treat and it flew back to the owlery. Finishing Sirius' letter, she slammed it down on her table.   
  
"Something really important..._really important?_ What am I? Dirt?" She paced the room, knocking over a chair and a vase in fury. "Damn it, Sirius, I _have_ to see you!" Collapsing on the couch, she burst into tears.   
  
**~~~*~~~**   
  
He knew something was amiss, he was sure of it now. It was eight that evening, and Peter wasn't at his hiding place, and there was no sign of there having been a struggle. Peter had left on his own. A fear ran through him so fast, he felt as though ice water was pumping through his veins. _No! He wouldn't!_ Sirius had to be sure.   
  
Sirius steered his flying motorbike towards Godric's Hollow; he had a long ride ahead of him.   
  
********   
  
Severus was holding out another handkerchief. "Here."   
  
Renae took the dry cloth. "Thanks." For the past five hours, he had sat with her, listening to her ranting, crying, and doing his damnedest to comfort her.   
  
He gently rubbed her back as she leaned over and cried into his shoulder for the fourth time that evening. "I'm sure there is a good reason Black hasn't come to see you this week." Renae almost wanted to giggle when she heard him add under his breath, "I can't believe I'm defending that ridiculous _prat_."   
  
Continuing to cry uncontrollably, she managed to utter between sobs, "H, he...never spent ...a...a whole week... without...sending me an owl... or something." She blew her nose in the handkerchief. "And finally...today...I get one...and, and he says he...can't see me because he has... something _really_ important to do!"   
  
"Renae," he pulled her face up to look in her eyes, "I don't know what to tell you. But I assure you that no matter what, I will be here for you."   
  
His smile made her feel a little better. "I know, Severus, and I do appreciate it. It's just not the same." She lowered her face, taking another handkerchief from his hand. _Where does he hide all these?_   
  
"I think you need some rest. It's after midnight, and you have your appointment tomorrow." Severus reached into his robes, producing a small vial. "Here, it's a sleeping potion. Don't worry, it's safe for you, I've already checked."   
  
Taking the vial, she smiled. "Thanks again, Severus."   
  
He walked towards the narrow passage leading to the corridor. "Your welcome, Renae." And with one last smile, he turned and left.   
  
**~~~*~~~**   
  
As Sirius flew closer to the Potter's, his heart began to pound ferociously. It looked as if their home was collapsed. _Dear Merlin, NO!_ Landing, he found his worse fears confirmed; the Potter's home was now nothing more than a heap of rubble.   
  
"Eh, Sirius Black, is 'at you?"   
  
Sirius had his wand out and ready as Rubeus Hagrid, the giant man who had always been like a friend to him and James, stepped out of the shadows, a bundle of blankets in his arms. "Hagrid!" Sirius lowered his wand as tears welled up in his eyes. As the huge man stepped closer, Sirius noticed his eyes were dripping as well.   
  
"I can't believe it...they're gone!" The towering, bearded man burst into hysterical tears, his gigantic body jolting with the violent sobs.   
  
_It was Peter...that bastard handed them over to Voldemort!_ _That's why we haven't seen him! _Feeling his blood boil, Sirius aimed his wand at a huge chunk of wall, sending it airborne into a nearby tree as he screamed in anger. Looking back at where the large piece had been, Sirius felt his heart climb into his throat. _Lily_.   
  
Tears clouding his vision, he began searching for James. He couldn't stand the thought of his best friend's body being crushed under the heavy rubble. Hagrid watched, wiping away tears with his sleeve.   
  
Finally finding James' body, Sirius collapsed on the heap, covering his face. _If only I had been their Secret Keeper. It would be me, not them. They would still be alive!_   
  
He felt Hagrid's large hand on his shoulder. "I have ter get Harry out 'o here before the muggles show up."   
  
Sirius jumped to his feet. "Harry? Where?" Hagrid leaned down, pulling back some of the blankets. Inside lay Harry, curled up, and sleeping, on his tiny forehead was a lightning bolt shaped cut. "He's alive!" His heart nearly skipped a beat; his godson had survived! "But how?"   
  
Covering Harry back up, Hagrid answered, a tear running down his face as his voice wavered, "Dunno." 

Sirius reached out for the bundle of blankets. "Give Harry to me, Hagrid. I'm his godfather, I'll look after him."

Hagrid lifted his arms, pulling Harry up out of Sirius' reach. "Sorry, Sirius, but I 'ave orders to take 'im to his aunt and uncle."

"Lily's sister? Are you serious? She turned her back on Lily because of what she was! What are you thinking, taking Harry there?"

"Dumbledore's orders."

Now Sirius knew the old man had gone mad, no one in their right mind would sentence Harry to live with _those_ people. "Give him to me, Hagrid, I'll talk to Dumbledore."

Hagrid's once kind face hardened a bit. "No. Dumbledore insists I bring Harry right away," he looked down on Sirius, "you should know better than to go against Dumbledore's orders."

Suddenly, he realized what Dumbledore must be thinking; he thought Sirius was their Secret Keeper, he'd think he had turned James and Lily into Voldemort. _I've got to find a way to talk to Dumbledore... and I'll drag Peter in with me!_

Hagrid started to walk off. Quickly, Sirius called over to him, "Wait," he pointed to his motorcycle, "take my motorcycle, you'll get out of here faster. I won't need it anymore."   
  
"Thanks," Hagrid replied, walking over to the bike and mounting it. With a great rumble the two of them rode off.

  
  
**~~~*~~~**   
  
"Ms. Wallis."   
  
Renae turned back around to the nurse as she put her hand on the door handle. "Yes?"   
  
The nurse held out a brown plastic cylinder with a white cap. "You almost forgot your vitamins."   
  
"Oh," she said, taking the pills, "thanks."   
  
With a smile, the nurse walked back to her station as Renae opened the door and stepped out onto the stairs. As she descended and stepped out onto the muggle street, she noticed two muggles looking and pointing down the street behind her. Turning in the direction of their gazes, she realized there was a commotion further down the road.   
  
Since it was too far down for her to see what was going on, she quickly climbed back up the stairs leading to the doctor's office, and discreetly pulled out her wand and an empty chocolate frog box. Transfiguring the box into a pair of binoculars, she lifted the side of her coat to cover half her head as she whispered a spell, pointing her wand at her ear. After doing the same to her other ear, she could hear what was being said down the road.   
  
Quickly she shoved her wand into her pocket and lifted the binoculars to her eyes. 

She gasped. 


	11. What lies ahead?

**_What lies ahead?_**

****

_~11~_

Sirius finally had him cornered. No longer caring what the muggles around them thought, he advanced on Peter, his wand out and ready. 

"You will pay for this Peter! Turning your back on us, I always knew you were _weak!_"

Peter was cowering before him. "I couldn't do it! I couldn't betray my friends!"

Sirius felt his face burn with anger. "Oh, but you have!"

Trying to scurry away, Peter leaned back against a lamppost. "No, no…it was you, Sirius…" Peter began waving his hand at him, "_you turned… like all the others!"_

Muggles were beginning to point, questioning each other as to what the two men were talking about. Sirius turned for a moment, looking at a small girl peeking around her mother's legs. When he turned back, he found Peter had put more space between them.

********

Renae watched and listened in horror as Peter and Sirius faced off. 

_What are they doing? Why'd Peter say he betrayed them? What's going on?_

They paused for a moment as Sirius looked to his right. As he did, Peter quickly peeled himself off the lamppost and backed up five more yards, shouting, "Lily and James, Sirius! How could you?"

Sirius aimed his wand at Peter. The next thing she saw, she would never have believed it if anyone had told her. Sirius had blown Peter to ashes, leaving a crater in the street; taking out about dozen muggles as he did.

Her heart racing, she dropped the binoculars and ran down the alleyway across from the doctor's office. Quickly, she Apparated into Hogsmeade. 

Running through the wizarding village, she bumped into an old wizard, shooting sparks out of the end of his wand, shouting, "Hurray, hurray, He's gone! He's gone!" Stunned by this, she stopped for a moment and looked around. Everyone, it seemed, was celebrating in the streets. Renae caught bits and pieces of their conversations.

"…yes, both of them are dead, but their son…"

"…heard it was reduced to rubble…"

"How did the poor thing survive?"

Completely boggled by what was going on, she dashed up the hill to the castle.

**~~~*~~~**

Sirius fell to his knees, laughing. He couldn't believe it; he just couldn't believe Peter could get the better of him like this. Though he knew he shouldn't be laughing, he couldn't stop. Pathetic, backstabbing, Peter had out-smarted him! Peter had out-smarted all of them, for he had them all believing he was still their friend. Oh, how he wanted to kill Peter!

How long he remained there, he had no idea. He couldn't think on it. Laughing hysterically, he felt himself being pulled to his feet by his arms. He continued to laugh as tears rolled down his face, Tarlton and Longbottom dragging him away. 

********

Renae ran into the Entrance Hall, and straight down the stairs to Snape's office. 

"Severus!" She pushed open the door. "Severus!"

Sitting at his desk, he had his head in his hands. Renae quickly ran over and put a hand on his shoulder. "What is it?"

He slowly lifted his head. There were no tears, but she could tell something was wrong. Frustration was written all over his face. "You better sit down." 

The dark look in his eyes as the words slid off his tongue made Renae feel colder than usual in the damp room. She felt her heart pound against her ribs as she took her place in the black leather chair before his desk.

Looking at the dark mahogany surface for a moment, he slowly met her gaze. "James and Lily Potter are dead." Her heart leapt into her throat, nearly choking her. Severus let his hands fall haphazardly onto the polished wood with a thud as he continued, "Their son, Harry, has miraculously survived." 

Finally she managed to swallow the lump and form a question. "W-was it…" She didn't need to finish; his solemn nod confirmed her fears. 

Suddenly he stood up, pacing the room as he mumbled. "...should have taken proper measures…" Renae struggled to make out more of his ramblings. "…after the risks I took…" 

It hit her like a falling branch; _he was the one! She jumped to her feet, grabbing him by the robes. "It was _you!_ You're the one that found out You-Know-Who was after them…you've been a spy for Dumbledore! That's why you've been gone so much!"_

All he did in response was nod.

********

Tears continued to roll down Sirius' face as his laughter echoed off the cold walls of his cell. It wouldn't be long before he was dragged out for a trial. _Perhaps they will believe my story, and search for the bastard! Leaving your finger…never thought you were clever enough, Peter!_

Though he felt his blood boil with rage, his heart ripping apart from the memory of his best friend and his wife's lifeless bodies; he just still couldn't stop laughing. If he stopped, he felt sure he would die from having to face reality. As long as he laughed, he could convince himself it was all a dream. A sick twisted dream induced by three days of insomnia…_yeah that was it!_

He began to laugh even more uncontrollably, his face dripping with tears.

**~~~*~~~**

Renae couldn't sleep. They were gone. It seemed like only yesterday she was at Harry's first birthday party, struggling to prevent Sirius from throwing her in the cold lake as James and Lily laughed at the sight. Rolling over, she glanced at her muggle clock; it was two in the morning.

Wiping away the tears that had been trickling down her face, she sat up and grabbed her dressing gown off the back of the couch. One of her strolls through the castle was needed. Tying her gown tightly, she pushed open the panel and walked out into the dark corridor. 

Not knowing exactly where she was going, she walked through this corridor and that, through the library, and across the courtyard. As she made her way into the Entrance Hall, a voice she hadn't heard in several months caught her attention. 

"We will see him again soon, Hagrid. Do try to take comfort in the knowledge that he lives," Dumbledore said with his usual warm tone.

Walking into view, Renae saw Hagrid wiping his nose with a handkerchief large enough to be her shirt. McGonagall stood beside Dumbledore solemnly. 

Dumbledore looked over at her. "Renae. I take it you cannot sleep if you are out in the corridors at this early hour?"

"Yes. Do you know what's become of Harry?" she asked as she walked up to Hagrid, putting her hand on his arm.

"His is with Lily's sister and her husband."

She nodded in acknowledgement. 

Suddenly, the great oak doors burst open. Severus swept in. "It was Black…he's been taken into custody. He killed Peter Pettigrew and twelve muggles today. Peter announced that Black had killed the Potters." His eyes fell on Renae and grew wide. All of them turned to face her, looking as if they were expecting her to faint. 

"I know… I saw it." Her voice shook with the words as tears formed in her eyes.

Severus' eyes grew wide. McGonagall quickly lifted her hand to her mouth as it fell open. Dumbledore looked composed, like usual. Finally Severus spoke. "You said nothing earlier about witnessing…"

Quickly she interrupted him, "I know," the tears flowed freely down her face, "I didn't want to talk about it." 

Closing the distance between them, Severus wrapped his arms around her, letting her warm tears soak into his black robes.

**~~~*~~~**

He sat across from Crouch, who looked like he was ready to leap over the desk and strangle him with his own two hands. Sirius' mind had finally gone numb. Words failed him, laughter failed him, and even tears failed him as his mind replayed the images of James and Lily among the rubble that had once been their home. 

When others spoke, it was as is they were a mile away, in slow motion. The words they uttered no longer had any meaning. He was at fault. He suggested switching to Peter. He's the one who backed out. Now his friends' lives were on his shoulders. For the time, he cared little about what would happen to him.

His thoughts were interrupted with the word "…Azkaban." Looking up, he realized he had been sentenced. _Was there a trial? No, there couldn't have been, I would have noticed THAT. _

"My trial! I didn't get a trial!" he shouted, the first words he had spoken since witnessing Peter's act.

Those in the room showed no remorse whatsoever. His sentencer stood, and with a wide grin informed him, "We have heard all the testimony we need. You deserve _no trial."_

His hands behind his back, bound at the wrists, Sirius finally struggled. They just had to listen to his story, _it wasn't me, it was Peter! Peter is still alive! Opening his mouth, no words escaped, he had been silenced with a muting charm. As he was being lead out of the room and into the corridor, the door to the room beside them opened. _

Sirius nearly collapsed as he watched Snape lead Renae out of the room. In tears, she grabbed Snape's hand to steady herself as she saw him, being dragged away to Azkaban. He kept opening his mouth to shout out her name, tell her he loved her, and he was innocent; but only the sound of escaping air was heard.

The memory of her frightened face would haunt him for years. As well as the faces of James and Lily...

**~~~*~~~**

Severus helped Renae back into her room. Dumbledore had insisted she go and give her account of what she saw when Peter was killed, and Severus had gone with her. Still trembling from seeing him being drug away, in bonds, only a look of sheer terror on his face, she knew where he was headed - Azkaban.

Her heart wanted so much to believe it was all a mistake, that she hadn't seen what she thought she saw, but eyes don't lie. _Do they? _Now she would be raising their child alone, a child he wouldn't even know existed. Now that she knew the truth, she wasn't going to tell him, or anyone else for that matter, the father of her child. What kind of reception would they receive, the child of Sirius Black.

Severus led her straight to her bed, pulling the covers over her as she slipped in, still wearing her dress. Pushing the hair out of her tear soaked face; he then pulled out a small vial of sleeping potion. "Please take this. Minerva and I will take care of your classes tomorrow."

She nodded and emptied the glass container. "Thanks, Severus… for everything."

With a weak smile, he responded, "I'll check on you later." 

Reane smiled. He gave her a delicate kiss on the forehead, as the room slowly grew dim. Before she succumbed to sleep, she watched Severus leave.

**~~~*~~~**

Death would have been more humane. Then again, no one would have wanted him to be treated like anything less than vermin. Azkaban was worse than his worst nightmare. He couldn't focus on any happy thought. His ears rang with Peter's last words, '_Lily and James, Sirius! How could you?' James and Lily's dead body's stuck in his mind and he slowly felt himself slipping further and further into madness and despair. _

It could only get worse. It _would get worse._

**~~~*~~~**

"Damn it! Everything fit in these trunks when I got here!"

Severus had already begun shrinking most of her things to make them fit. "They would still fit if you hadn't bought so much."

"Thanks for that observation." Though she needed the help, he was really getting annoying. 

Renae fought with her large blue trunk. Clothes stuck out here and there and she was shoving them back in through the slightly open lid. As she pushed the last article in, she quickly sat on the trunk, hopping on it as she tried to lock the clasps. "Lock… you… damn… trunk!"

"Yes, Renae… threatening the trunk will make it cooperate."

She looked over at Severus as he broke into a sickening smile. "Shut the hell up! I need help, not _badgering!_" Ignoring the sneer she knew was spreading on his face, she concentrated on locking the final clasp. Dumbledore was back, so she was returning to Blakmore, which, she was more than happy to do. Yes, Severus had become a dear friend, but there were too many memories here, most of them with Sirius. 

Every time she thought of him she rubbed her stomach. Though it was nothing more than a small pooch yet, it frightened her more and more each day. Would her child grow up to be like its father? She prayed not. 

**~~~*~~~**

Years had past, and Sirius spent almost every moment of the day curled up in the corner of his cell as a big black dog. It was the only way he could bear the utter hopelessness that came with his captors presence. Even as a dog, whenever the Dementors would walk past his cell, he would cover his ears with his paws, trying to drown out the voice of Peter, accusing him over and over.

Time was no longer important, for in here, he had all the time in the world, though it didn't matter. Life in Azkaban was constant torture, mental torture, from which none could escape. Sirius, though, did what he could to keep what little sanity he had left. 

Would he have to remain like this for forever? A mangy, black dog?

**~~~*~~~**

On her way home from Blakmore, Renae stopped at the Magical Minis daycare. Entering, a little girl with long black hair came running to her, her arms open wide.

"Mommy, Mommy!"

Bending down, Renae opened her arms to embrace the sweet little child. "Ohhh, I missed you today!" She planted kiss upon kiss on the girl. "So what did you do today, Perdita?"

The girl released her mother and grabbed her hand, leading her to a table at the back of the room. Picking up a paper she exclaimed, "I made this for you!"

Renae took the paper and saw a drawing of a girl on a broomstick, flying around, Quod in hand. She giggled; Perdita loved Quodpot. "Oh, this is _you!_ And look how well you fly too."

The girl was beaming from ear to ear, her hazel eyes gleaming with pride. "I made it for our trip tomorrow."

The next day they were heading to the opening game of Quodpot season. Renae had been lucky to get two seats, center pitch, mid-level for Perdita's third birthday, especially since her favorite team, the Fredericksburg Fighters were playing. For the past week, it was all her daughter could talk about.

**~~~*~~~**

Perdita was dragging her through the stands. "Hurry mommy, _hurry!_"

Renae gripped her daughter's hand tighter. "Perdita, I told you to _walk_. The game doesn't start for thirty minutes, so _slow down!"_

The black haired girl grudgingly slowed down, pouting as she flashed her mother her best puppy dog eyes. Renae rolled her eyes. "_Don't_ start that again, it's not going to work, _this time_." A painful tug pulled at her heart every time the girl did that, it was the same face Sirius use to always give her. It took all Renae's will-power to withstand it. Shaking her head, she reminded herself not to think about him.

"Okay, here we are." She helped Perdita settle into the large seat, before settling into her own. "So, what do you think so far?"

It was Perdita's first professional Quodpot game, and she was teeming with excitement. All Renae had to do was ask that one question, and the small girl burst with conversation. As Renae listened to her daughter's ramblings, she overlooked the headline of the Colonial Seer in the lap of the wizard in front of her. 

**Retaliation attacks not over, Ministry Museum latest target.**

A lump formed in Renae's throat. Though it had been more than three years since Voldemort's overthrow, his faithful followers were still rather active in the States. With such a vast landmass in which to hide themselves, many were still lashing out at the wizarding community for their leaders demise. Shaking her head, she decided not to think on it. It was her daughter's birthday, and her first Quodpot game, and nothing was going to ruin this day for them.

**~~~*~~~**

Halfway through the game, Perdita's team, the Fighters, were up by six points. Renae had found herself cheering along with the raven-haired girl, each waving blue and black "Fighter" flags. It was beautiful out, the sun was shining, and they hadn't a care in the world, besides their team winning. 

Perdita lifted a cup to her lips, sipping on the long straw protruding from its lid. Loud suction noises came from the empty cup. "Mommy, I'm out of pop!"

Renae looked down to the end of their row, only six seats away. A vendor was walking up the aisle towards their row, ice-cold cups of pop on his tray. "Stay right here, I'll get us some more." The little girl nodded and looked back at the game. Renae stood up and squeezed her way through to the aisle.

"Two please," she asked, holding out two Galleons. As the man reached for the money, there was an ear deafening crash, like thunder. Renae felt herself being thrown into the air, landing in a heap of bodies yards away. 

Pain pulsed through her body as she realized what had happened. Her heart felt like it was breaking her ribs, it was pounding so hard. She tried to pull herself free of the bodies, living and dead, that were covering her. The smoke in the air caused her to cough painfully. The hot air was dry and harsh in her lungs. Finally she gasped, as smoky air rushed in.

"Perdita!" 

She began shouting at the top of her lungs. People were crying in pain and calling out for help all around her. Her eyes filled with tears, she had to find her baby! 

"**PERDITA!"**


	12. Innocent!

Innocent! 

****

_~12~_

"**Perdita!**"

The dense air around her was filled with smoke and dust. Renae struggled to free her legs from the limp body of a wizard, a large piece of steel railing lodged in his forehead as his blood dripped onto her mangled robes. Pushing to free herself from the lifeless corpse that was pinning her down, a young wizard, his face covered in dark ash, stooped down and helped lift the dead man's body from on top of her. 

"Thanks," she muttered, realizing the body belonged to the wizard who had been sitting in front of her, holding the Colonial Seer. The young wizard moved on to help others as an engorged lump climbed into her throat, her heart racing. _If this is what happened to the wizard in front of us, then… _

Panic stricken, she scrambled to find her daughter. Her ankle burned with each step, but she ignored it, nothing mattered but her little girl. 

Slowly the smoke was rising, making the horror of the aftermath even more repulsive than when it was half shrouded in the gray cloud. Bodies were scattered amongst the rubble, blood painting the scene as limbs without owners were strewn about like confetti that had been thrown into the wind. 

Forcing down a wave of nauseous, Renae took a step forward and collapsed. Grabbing her ankle, she realized it was broken, the pain of the now protruding bone was excruciating. Not willing to give up, she began to crawl on her knees to get to the pile of bodies in front of her. She would check every last one if she had to. 

"Miss," the young wizard who had helped free her earlier knelt down beside her, "you shouldn't be moving with your ankle like that."

"My daughter, I have to find my daughter." She willed the tears threatening to fall, back.

"What's her name?"

"Perdita."

"What does she look like?" Apparently he was going to help her search for the missing child.

"She's three, with long black hair. She wore a Fighters t-shirt today." The man nodded and walked forward, leaving Renae behind.

A moment later, the young man returned, and without a word, he took her arm. Helping her up, he waited for her to balance on her good foot, then, letting her use him as a crutch, they made their way around the corpses heaped before them. 

Renae fell to her knees as she caught a glimpse of a tiny hand, still grasping a black and blue flag. Quickly, she reached out and put her arms around the small body, pulling it to her; the flag falling from its owners grasp.

The girl's head fell back, her long black hair, matted with blood. Setting Perdita in her lap, Renae pulled the limp body of her daughter into a tight embrace. Her right hand felt the young girl's blood still flowing out of the back of her head. She looked asleep, her face unharmed, her eyes closed. Renae rocked back and forth with her child pressed against her breast, lightly humming a lullaby. 

As the tears finally flowed down her face, she kissed the cold forehead she had nuzzled under her chin. _Dear Merlin please, don't take her from me! Let some miracle save her!_ In her mind she couldn't plead enough.

Renae was finding it hard to breath as she looked down into Perdita's pale face, her arms drenched in her daughter's blood. She pulled the lifeless body to her breast once more. Closing her eyes, she lifted her face to the heavens, and let out the blood-curdling scream of a mother who's lost her young.

****~~~~~****

Harry was shaking violently as the flower fell from his hand. His clothes stuck to his sweat drenched body. Tears were streaming endlessly down his cheeks as his heart threatened to break through his ribs.

Feeling Renae's grief was real. _Too Real_, he thought. His throat even felt hoarse as if he had indeed let out that heart wrenching sound himself. _Perhaps I did. _Standing, his legs trembled as he walked to his table to make some tea to calm his nerves. 

Seeing the scene of his parents' bodies amid the rubble of their home, he had anticipated, and apparently prepared himself enough for. This, however, was not something he would ever have imagined. Sirius' daughter, limp and lifeless, in _his_ arms; blood pouring from her tiny head, as _he_ rocked the dead child's body, singing it to its eternal sleep.

Envisioning the sight, he felt his stomach lurch and he quickly leaned over a waste bin to vomit. 

_I can't do this. I can't relive any more of their lives; it's too much!_

He sat by the table, staring at the seemingly innocent violet on his desk. To the unsuspecting eye, something so beautiful, so delicate, seemed unlikely to harbor horrific memories such as the one Harry had just experienced. 

Running his hand through his normally untidy hair, he tried to decide what to do. He greatly desired to know these untold stories of his godfather's life, yet he was beginning to wonder whether or not he could handle it. Maybe even Sirius couldn't.

As he sat there, again staring at the small flower, he felt his body calming down, and his heart beat steadying. He _had_ to know. He had relived this much, why stop now. _Perhaps the worst is over?_

It was then that he noticed how dark his office had become. His clock said it was only six-thirty; he should have left an hour and a half ago. Night had fallen outside, and the room was now only lit by the moonlight seeping through the window from the enchanted wall. There was a full moon out that night. _Full moon. Lupin. Did **he** know anything about Perdita?_

It was settled. The time spent reliving their memories past very slowly, and he had effectively peaked his curiosity beyond the point of return. Slowly, he sat back down in the chair behind his desk. Reaching for the violet, he trembled for a moment. Perdita's little face haunted him. Swallowing a lump that had formed in his throat, he gently picked up the tiny flower and let its tingling power inch its way through his body.

As the room dimmed, he whispered one last prayer. "Please, no more death."

****~~~~~****

Sirius hated the fleas, lice, ticks, and the smell of his own urine that no matter how far into his matted fur he pressed his nose, assaulted him almost to the point of tears. The whole of Azkaban reeked of human filth, though most of its inhabitants soon lost all interest in the smell, or life for that matter. Once more, he lifted his hind leg to scratch away the little bloodsuckers. _I hate fleas!_

Years had past, nine actually, though to Sirius it had been an eternity. Everyday was the same. Cover his ears with his paws as the guarding Dementors walked past his cell, gain what sustenance he could from the 'food' given to him, and fight to keep his sanity. 

The first task had become second nature. He could sense them from ten cells down now, and had his paws planted firmly over his ears by the time they walked past. Of course, Peter's voice still racked his ears, tearing his heart out, but that couldn't be avoided. At least he felt somewhat better knowing he had _tried_.

The second task was the easiest. After awhile he no longer noticed the rotting meat or stagnant water, his mind having apparently shut down his sense of taste. It was the third task that took every last waking moment, and strength of will, and _that_ was pushed it to its limit.

_Keep my sanity. _He chuckled in his head, knowing that every time he thought like this it attracted one of the guards. _Keep my sanity?_

_Sanity._

It didn't seem tangible, like a vague abstraction, rather than a solid concept. What was sanity? 

_Soundness of mind?_

He had sounds in his mind, many actually, all of which repeatedly told him he killed Lily and James.

_Mental health?_

_Yes, I am mental, but health? Who gives a rat's arse about health?_

_No,_ he thought, as he looked longingly at the bare ceiling. _Sound judgment. _ 

_That_, he was given…and it was this, Azkaban. Yes, he understood judgment; it was _trial _that eluded him. Even there he was wrong. Life in Azkaban was a trial, one he fought with every weakened, crazed cell of his being. It was only through his wit to do so as a beast that had aided him thus far…that and the desire to kill Peter. 

_Peter. _

That was his lifeline; his complete and utter need to kill Peter, for framing him. He was innocent, which was not the happiest of thoughts, but then, the Dementors didn't feed off of happy thoughts. So in a way, Peter helped him keep this thin shred of sanity.

His thoughts abruptly stopped when he realized he had a visitor. In the man's hand was a paper.

********

Renae watched the Fourth of July fireworks, tears silently crawling down her cheeks. The beautiful explosions were always a favorite of hers, but also of Perdita. Other than Christmas, the Fourth of July was her daughter's favorite holiday. Though nine years had past, she still celebrated it with melancholy. Joyous in the thought that her daughter was watching the colorful display from the heavens above, and sad that they had only spent that holiday together twice.

As the finale burst into the sky in a fierce display of red, white, and blue, Renae closed her eyes and imagined Perdita laying back on the cool, damp blanket with her, clapping.  '_Pretty mommy!_'

As the crowd of people around her clapped and cheered, she opened her eyes, and wiped away the tears with her hand.

********

"He's at Hogwarts! He's at Hogwarts!"

Abruptly, he awoke, sweat trickling down his face as he reached under his mangled blanket for the paper. Sirius looked at the picture in the Daily Prophet again. _Your not that clever, Peter. _The missing toe had been a brilliant extra touch to the scene of his 'murder', but now it served to give him away. A rat. _It suits you, you bastard._

**~~~*~~~**

Some habits hare hard to break. _Extremely hard_, Renae thought as she picked up her copy of the Colonial Seer and her full cup of coffee, sitting down at her dining room table to sip her breakfast while she read.

Lifting the steaming cup to her lips, she unfolded the paper and dropped the scalding hot liquid down the front of her dressing gown. Normally this unfortunate accident would have sent her screaming into the bathroom to get the hot, drenched clothing off of her and a healing potion onto her burns, but this morning, she felt no pain.

Sirius Black had escaped Azkaban. 

Her heartbeat quickened and her mind whirled. _How could this happen? No one has ever escaped Azkaban!_ She began to tremble as she realized what he would no doubt do next, go after the one person who had eluded him that fateful night, _Harry_. Though she hadn't seen Harry since his first birthday party, almost twelve years before to the day, she read about him in the papers, as well as the letters she and Severus wrote to each other. 

Severus wasn't particularly fond of the boy, after all he was a Potter; but he was obliging enough to let Renae know what mishaps and adventures the boy had been involved in over the past two years. The thought of Harry returning to Hogwarts soon eased her mind a little. If Voldemort wasn't fool enough to tackle Dumbledore, surely Sirius wouldn't be.

**~~~*~~~**

As the term was drawing to a close, Renae began feeling nervous again. Sirius apparently had been fool enough to step foot on Hogwarts grounds, but at least nothing came of it. What made her nervous was the fact that very soon, Harry would be heading back to his muggle relatives to spend the summer. To Renae, it sounded very much like dangling the meat in front of a starving, caged animal, and that was never good. Animals had an extraordinary ability to always get the bait with which you teased them.

Sitting outside the Main Hall of Blakmore Academy, she gazed at the stars about. It was a new moon, and only the stars and distant lampposts gave light to the dark courtyard.

_Snap!_

In the distance, to her left, she heard the sound of a fallen tree branch being stepped on. Someone was approaching. It was after curfew, so Renae waited silently in the dark, waiting to see if it was a student awaiting detention, or a fellow teacher enjoying the spring evening. She was not the least prepared for the face that appeared in the dim light beside her.

"Remus?"

A smile spread across the man's face. For a moment he looked just as he did the last time she saw him, on Harry's birthday, then he stepped closer and Renae could see the years of toil on his face. His robes still a shambles. _He must still be jumping from job to job._

"Hi, Renae." 

Renae leaped up and embraced him. "Remus! I can't believe you're here!"

He squeezed her tightly for a moment before releasing her. "We need to talk."

She smiled. "Alright. You want to go back to my classroom? It just over there." Renae pointed to the large brick building to their right, above the doorway was a stone header reading, Sapient Hall. Remus nodded and they headed towards the large structure. "So what have you been doing lately?" she asked, curious as to what his latest profession was.

Opening the large door for her, he answered, "Teaching actually."

"Really? What?" She quickly held up her hand, "Wait, don't tell me. It's either…" she racked her brains to remember his two best subjects, one of which he tutored her in. "Care of Magical Creatures or Defense Against the Dark Arts?"

He laughed. "Defense Against the Dark Arts. By the way, have you gotten any better at that since I last tutored you?"

Reaching her classroom, she stopped and looked over at him as she turned the handle. "Nope, actually, I got _worse! _You should have seen what happened when I found a boggart in my office last year. Professor Hollins came running in from across the grounds!" He laughed again, following her into the large auditorium.

"So what did you want to talk about?" she asked as she lit the room with a wave of her wand.

Remus walked over to the door, pulling out his wand, his face now more serious. "Do you mind if I put up some wards and a silencing spell?"

"Help yourself." 

Renae pulled two chairs into the center of the lecture floor as Remus secured the privacy of the room. Taking a seat, she watched as he put his wand back in his robes and took the seat across from her. He looked a little uneasy, and from the way he wanted to keep their conversation private, she had a feeling it was something very serious to have brought him there.

"Renae, I really don't know how to tell you this." He crossed his legs, and then quickly uncrossed them.

"Remus, maybe you should just come out with it, you did silence the room after all."

He slapped his hands down on his knees. "Okay, then. Renae… Sirius is innocent."

She choked with his words, and ended up coughing. "Www, _what?_"

"He wasn't James and Lily's Secret Keeper, Peter was."

She shook her head. "No, Sirius was, he told me."

"At the last minute he thought switching to Peter would be a better idea, because Peter would be the last person anyone would expect the Potters to chose as their Secret Keeper."

"B,but he would have told me!"

"He didn't tell me either, or Dumbledore for that matter! He wanted everyone to think he was still their Secret Keeper, draw attention away from Peter."

She felt the world drop out from under her. Remembering that day when he told her he was going to be the Potter's Secret Keeper, she had asked him why they didn't use Remus or Peter. _Oh, Merlin! _She gave him the idea. _The one time he actually listens to me, and it had to be this!_

"How did you find out?" she asked.

Remus proceeded to tell her the events of the night he followed Harry and his friends through the Whomping Willow and into the Shrieking Shack. Renae's mind whirled with all the details he gave, many of which, shocked her. 

"Wait, hold on. You're a werewolf?" He nodded. "Sirius, James, and Peter are illegal Animagi?" Another nod. "And Peter's been alive all this time?" A third nod. 

Renae was very sure she was going to faint. _No, no, no…first of all they would have told me, or at least Sirius would have. And Peter, I saw him die! _Her body was tingling as she tried to accept what she had been told.

"Renae, I know this is a lot for you, especially all at once, but I felt you needed to know. He loves you more than you realize and I couldn't let you continue to believe he was a criminal." Remus put his hand on her shoulder, waiting for her to respond.

For the longest time she couldn't form words, only tears. As she sobbed uncontrollably, Remus pulled her to him. She buried her face in his shoulder as he tried to comfort her. The last twelve years of her life had been spent trying to push the one man she had ever loved out of her mind, only to discover he was innocent the whole time. Tears streaming down her cheeks, another thought hit her, and it felt as if two cold hands had plunged into her chest and ripped her heart out.

She quickly looked up at her old friend. "Oh Merlin, Remus…I never told him!"

Holding onto her arms, he asked, "Told him what?"


	13. Chocolate Frog

Chocolate Frog 

****

_~13~_

Remus' eyes grew wider by the minute, as Renae told him about Perdita. 

"You and Sirius…have a _daughter_?" He asked with disbelief.

"_Had,_ Remus," she corrected him. A lump formed in her throat as she realized she would have to relive Perdita's death in order to tell him.

Remus looked thoroughly confused now. "What do you mean _had?_" He suddenly seemed to understand as she sat silent, tears running down her face. She wiped her eyes before telling him the story of that fateful day in June.

********

Sitting around in hiding was Sirius' _last_ choice of activity, but considering the alternative, he'd have to shut up and deal with it. __

Overlooking the plush Amazon forest just outside his window, he thought about Harry. Upon first sight of him in the dark alley nearly a year ago, he thought he was looking at James. The same untidy black hair, glasses and thin frame. In the dim light, he hadn't seen Harry's green eyes yet; those he got from Lily. 

Sirius fought back tears. He was always so happy thinking of Harry and how he wanted to live with him, but his thoughts always seemed to drift to Lily and James. For years he had blamed himself for their deaths, and now their son served as a reminder of that. 

He had to remind himself, _Harry is alive, Harry made it. James wouldn't want you grieving over him forever! _Imagining James standing before him, telling him this, he realized it was Harry's face he was imagining. Finally, Sirius smiled.

Looking across the table, he saw Remus' letter sitting open. Reaching over for it, Sirius picked it up and reread it, for the fifth time that day.

_Padfoot,_

_            I'm sorry I couldn't see you before you took off, but I'm sure you understood. I know I shouldn't have risked sending this to you, but Dumbledore assured me that Fawkes would find you without being followed. _

_            I had to write you to tell you I've left Hogwarts. We both know what would happen anways when word gets out, so I made it easier on Dumbledore. Harry was disappointed, but I think he took it well otherwise._

_            Since I'm, again, unemployed, I'm taking the opportunity to see an old friend. If all goes well, I may have good news for you when I get back, maybe more than that! _

_            Well, I will leave you to ponder what I'm up to, which I'm sure you will do. (You never were fond of hints and vague details, were you old friend?)_

_                                                                                                            Moony_

"You were right, Moony, I do hate it when you do that." He said to himself as he again began to wonder what Remus was up to.

********

"Are you sure about this?" Renae asked, looking over at Remus as he continued to help her pack a trunk.

Remus had stayed in America for the past month and had managed to talk her into taking a year's sabbatical from Blakmore, and go return to Britain with him. Remus was hoping they would get the chance to somehow meet with Sirius since she refused to tell Sirius about Perdita in a letter, not to mention tell him how sorry she was for ever doubting him and that to this day, she still loves him.

Locking the shabby trunk, he answered. "Yes, relax. If I know Sirius at all, he'll return to Britain if only to keep a close watch on Harry. Peter's still loose and may have rejoined with You-Know-Who by now, which would most certainly pose a risk for Harry."

"Alright. You're sure you don't want to stay with me in Hogsmeade? You know I have connections to get you Wolfsbane Potion," she grinned.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Oh, like Snape will be anymore excited in brewing that for me _now!_"

"Hey, you forget…he's nice to _me_." 

"Oh, like that's saying much!"

**~~~*~~~**

Sirius almost wanted to laugh as he read Harry's letter.

_Dear Sirius,_

_I reckon I just imagined my scar hurting, I was half asleep when I wrote to you last time. There's no point coming back, everything's fine here. Don't worry about me, my head feels completely normal._

_                                                            Harry_

"Nope, sorry kid, I'm not _that_ thick!" he said aloud to himself as he grabbed a blank parchment and quill, and wrote back.

            _Nice try, Harry._

_I'm back in the country and well hidden. I want you to keep me posted on everything that's going on at Hogwarts. Don't use Hedwig, keep changing owls, and don't worry about me, just watch out for yourself. Don't forget what I said about your scar.                                         _

_            Sirius_

**~~~*~~~**

Renae walked into the Hog's Head and found him right away. Sitting towards the back, in a very dark corner, was Severus. "This seat taken?" she asked, walking up to the table.

He chuckled. "As a matter of fact _it is_."

Sitting down, she decided to play along. "Really? By who?"

"A particularly annoying wise-arse who seems to think of me as a _friend_."

"Ah, _poor fellow_. Who could ever mistake _you_ for a friend?" She grinned, picking up the bottle of rum that was sitting on the table and pouring herself a glass. "They must be mad!"

Leaning in a bit, his face illuminated by the candle centerpiece, he responded, "You _are_." 

Chuckling, she lifted the glass, gave him a quick toast and downed the shot. 

"I see you've grown even more accustomed to the unique taste of rum," Severus added with a pleased grin.

Pouring another shot, she set the bottle back down on the table. "Well, with the hell I've been through, can you blame me?"

Slowly, Severus let his double shot of vodka slide down his throat before answering. "No, I suppose not." He looked down at his now empty glass. "As if _I_ have room to talk."

"_Indeed_." With another tilt of her head, Renae's second shot of rum hit the back of her throat. "So, _dear old friend_, what have I missed?"

His usual sneer skipped across his face. "Well, let's _see_…since my last letter, Potter somehow got himself into the Triwizard Tournament, miraculously _survived_ the first task, and now I'm awaiting his next great effort at not getting himself _killed_."

"_You_ sound a little perturbed. I've already read all that in the Daily Prophet, I _am_ in town you know…" Severus snorted. "…so cut the crap and tell me what's really troubling you and Dumbledore." His eyes narrowed. "You don't fool me one minute, Severus! There's more to Harry being in this Tournament and you know it."

"You sound as if you already suspect something," he said coolly. 

"I wanted to hear from you first, before I go jumping off the handle." Quickly she poured another shot of rum and downed it.

Pointing to her empty glass he said, "Keep drinking like that and you'll be falling off the chair."

She curled her lip up at him. _Smart-ass!_

Finally, after a rather awkward moment of silence, Severus took another double shot of vodka. "If you're suspecting what I think you're suspecting…then we're all on the same page." He looked at her from over the top of his empty glass.

Renae felt like a bucket of ice water had been dumped over her head. Names began popping into her head…Eunice, her mother…Charles, her cousin…Aleanor…James and Lily…the Longbottoms….PERDITA. Her hands began to tremble as fear ran through her body from her head to her toes. 

No, please…haven't enough people suffered! 

Without realizing it, she had dropped her glass and it went shattering on the floor. Severus quickly grabbed her arm and slid his seat closer to her. "Renae, are you alright?"

Pulling herself together, she nodded. Severus motioned to the bottle of rum and she shook her head. "No, I… I think I've had enough."

They sat silent for a while, Severus quietly waiting as she calmed herself down. "Renae, this maybe off topic, but…you never told me _why_ you returned."

Instantly her nerves returned as she fought to come up with a reasonably acceptable excuse to give him, the last thing he needed to hear was Sirius' name. From what Remus told her in his version of what happened that night in the Shrieking Shack, she knew his reaction would be nuclear. 

"I took a year's sabbatical to do some independent study in ancient spells and draughts."

_Where the hell did **that** come from? _An amused grin spread on her dark friend's face, and she wondered if he saw right through her lie. 

"Really? Then I don't suppose you'd be interested in coming to my office to see some of my personal collection?"

Breathing a sigh of relief, she answered, "As long as we're talking about books, yes. Anything else and you'll find yourself short a leg…and I mean the _shortest one!_"

Chuckling, he led her to the door.

**~~~*~~~**

"I'll walk to the edge of the village with you, see if I can scrounge another paper." Sirius told Harry, transforming in a big black dog before leaving the cave in the mountainside outside of Hogsmeade. Reaching the stile, he let Harry, Ron, and Hermione pat him on the head before he turned and ran around the outskirts of the village.

Not feeling entirely hungry after the chicken Harry had given him, he still decided to nose around behind Honeydukes, just in case there was any dessert waiting for him in the trash bin. _Merlin it's been so long since I've had a chocolate frog!_

Reaching Honeydukes, he hid behind a large bush as an employee opened the back door carrying a small, and rather full trash bag. Walking over to a large trash bin sitting to the left of the door, the man threw the bag into it. As soon as the back door closed behind the employee, Sirius dashed over to the trash bin, threw his front paws over the front edge, and began tearing into the plastic bag.

Sirius was so involved with getting into that bag of possible thrown out sweets, he didn't hear the woman walk up along the alleyway between Honeydukes and little shop on its left. He didn't even hear her as she walked right past him on her way to the tree behind him. All Sirius noticed was that suddenly, the smell of chocolate frogs became stronger, and he began digging through the now open trash bag with even more ferocity.

_I smell them! Where are they? _Drooling more than necessary, he pushed a rather nasty looking sugar quill aside. _Oh, so that's what they look like if they're over baked._

"You must be hungry."

Leaping at the sound of the voice behind him, his head popped up, the trash bag hanging from the top of his head making him look like a dog with an oversized balloon for a head. Lowering his front paws to the ground, he struggled to free his head from its smelly prison while the person who had clearly addressed him began to laugh.

"Need help with that?"

Realizing he had better let the woman help him or else spend _who knows_ how long fighting the blasted thing, he sat down and waited patiently to be assisted. 

"_Evanui"_

Sirius felt the bag instantly vanish, and looked over at the woman who was standing several feet away from him. At first he wondered why she'd be standing so far away, but then he quickly remembered exactly how _big _of a dog he was.

"There you go," she said, putting her wand back in her robes and picking her bag up off the ground, "you still hungry?"

Slowly and with his head lowered, he walked towards her, making sure she didn't get the impression he would hurt her in anyway. With each step, the smell of chocolate frogs grew stronger. His ears perked up as he realized that's what she had in the bag.

Sitting, leaning against the tree, he sat down beside her as she pulled a chocolate frog box out of her bag. Licking his lips, he quietly waited beside her, his tail whipping back and forth wildly. She began opening the box, "Sorry I don't have anything but candy," she laid the open box on the ground in front of him, "but something's better than nothing, isn't it?" she said with a smile.

With a soft bark of agreement, he quickly devoured the delicious treat before it hopped too far away. Though he knew he should have savored every morsel of the dark, melting, delight, he couldn't stop himself from attacking the sweet chocolate as if it would disappear before he could even swallow the first bite.

"_Slow down!_ Goodness, you'll make yourself sick!"

As he finished the frog, he felt a warm hand run down his back. Looking up, the woman was petting him, a smile on her face.

"You're not nearly as mean as you look." Chuckling, the woman continued to pet him.

Something was very familiar about her voice. It was soothing, and as he suddenly realized, filled with an American accent. _American?_

Sirius looked at the woman, this time more intently. Her hair was light brown and fell just below her shoulders. Her hazel eyes smiled at him as he examined her with his dog eyes. _I need to get closer_, he told himself, _to see her face more clearly_. She was like a puzzle he needed to solve. Slowly, he inched forward, sniffing as he leaned into her, as if to lick her cheek.

"_My, _you're friendly, aren't you!" the woman exclaimed with a giggle, though she didn't back away.

Violets! She smells like Violets! 

It was like an anvil fell from the sky and hit on top of his head. _Renae!_

Looking in her eyes again, he wondered how he didn't see her before. Though she looked older, and her eyes didn't shine quite like they use to, it was still her! He began licking her wildly, covering her face with kiss after kiss the only way he could. _If only she knew it was me! If only I could tell her! Oh, how I've missed you!_

********

"Wait, wait!" Renae exclaimed as she struggled to avoid the wet onslaught of the great black dog she had apparently befriended. "I… need…air…after all!" She managed to get the words out between turns of her head as the enormous tongue continued to graze her face. Finally giving up, she began laughing wildly, when suddenly, she fell to the side, the dog leaping over her and lowering its face so that they looked at each other, eye to eye.

A strange uneasiness came over her. It was as if the dog were _really_ looking at her, as if it knew her. _Okay…I'm losing my mind! _Sitting up, the dog suddenly scrambled to sit in front of her. It leaned forward, its cold, wet nose almost pressing against hers as it mournfully whimpered.

_What's wrong with this dog?_ It was unnerving; like the dog was begging her to understand something it was trying to tell her, but couldn't put into words. Renae found herself cupping the dog's ears in her hands as she stared into its coal black eyes. "What is it?"

Again the dog whimpered, softer this time, and Renae could have sworn she saw a tear run down from its left eye. 

********

Sirius wanted more than anything to transform back into himself, and wrap his arms around her, but he knew she'd only scream in horror calling the attention of every witch and wizard in the village. _If only you knew the truth… if only you knew I'm innocent!_

As another tear escaped his eyes, he quickly ran back to the cave, before his heart could break even more. Seeing Renae was the most wonderful experience since he escaped Azkaban, but also the worst; for he couldn't be with her, she would think him a murderer.

Reaching the cave, he returned to his human form, and sat next to Buckbeak, silently crying harder than ever before.

**~~~*~~~**

Sitting in her room, overlooking the mountainside, Renae looked out the window, her experience with the great black dog haunting her. The way it suddenly dashed off, as if trying to flee before falling apart bothered her. One minute, the dog was wild with excitement, licking her face off, and the next, it was sad and whimpering, as if struggling to reveal some heart wrenching secret.

Night was falling and the light of the full moon cast an eerie light on the tops of the trees blanketing the side of the mountain. Renae had tried to talk Remus into staying with her, she really missed company, and she knew that Severus would have made the Wolfsbane Potion for her if she had asked. _Hell, he still owes me a favor! _She thought as she giggled.

Wait! Remus…he had told her about James, Sirius, and Peter being animagi. Shit, what did he say Sirius turned into? Jumping to her feet to pace the room, the chair she had been sitting in fell backward to the floor with a loud thud. 

_It was something big, him and James…something big enough to control a werewolf._ Not paying attention to where she was walking in the room, she slammed her foot into the side of the trunk by the foot of her bed. 

Hopping to the bed, she clutched her pounding foot in her hands and started swearing. "Shit! Damn trunk!" She drew a breath through gritted teeth. "Ah, my foot hurts!"

_Foot…wait, PADFOOT, that's what Remus use to call him! Because of his animagus form. _"Shit, why Padfoot?" She was thinking aloud now. "Pad.." smacking herself in the forehead, she continued, "…like a dog… LIKE A DOG?" 

Running across the room, no longer feeling the pain shooting through her foot, she grabbed her cloak and headed for the door.

"That black dog! It was **Sirius!**" 


	14. Vessels

Vessels 

****

_~14~_

Renae looked in every alleyway, dark corner, row of bushes; you name it, in Hogsmeade, looking for Sirius in his animagus form. Despite the fact that morning was approaching, she continued to check every place imaginable, a second and even a _third_ time.

Growing weary, she collapsed on a large stone sitting off in a field behind the Three Broomsticks. Tears streamed down her face. _What if I can never find him again?_ She was afraid her chance had past.

**~~~*~~~**

Sirius awoke the next morning, his eyes still puffy from last night. Sitting up, he looked over at Buckbeak, who was content with following a spider as it climbed up the cave wall with his eyes. 

_I wish she could have seen it was me. _

_She wouldn't have… she never knew about you or the others._

His thoughts gave him no comfort. Instead of laying around all day, feeling sorry for himself, he decided to look for some more papers; the errand he was suppose to have done last night. Changing into his dog form, he slowly walked out of the cave.

As he made his way down the mountainside, he saw someone out in the field behind the Three Broomsticks. _No one ever bothers with that old field, what could they be up to?_ Quickly thinking of Harry and everything happening at Hogwarts, he wasn't about to let anything suspicious get past him. Gaining speed as he ran down the hill, he headed for the field.

When Sirius was a few yards away, he realized it was Renae. _Is she staying in Hogsmeade? _For a moment, his heart gave a leap, and then he remembered he couldn't reveal himself to her. 

Renae stood up, wiping her eyes. It looked like she had been up all night. She was still wearing the same clothes and looked ready to collapse from exhaustion. He was worried about her as she began to head back into town, her steps shaky. _I've got to make sure she's alright._

Keeping a short distance between them, he slowly followed her into town. She wasn't hard to follow; she was staggering as she walked, never once looking around at where she was going. Sirius was able to practically stay on her heels. 

**~~~*~~~**

Renae could barely hear the bustle of people outside in the street below. She couldn't remember coming back to her room, much less how she managed to get into bed. _Or am I dreaming?_ She rolled over and thought she was seeing a black face sitting on the edge of the bed facing her.

"How'd you get here?" she mumbled, trying to determine how a furry head could find its way into her room, especially without a body. _Man, my dreams keep getting weirder and weirder._ She drifted back to sleep.

********

Sirius sat there for most of the day, his chin laying on the edge of her bed, so he could watch over her. Every once in a while, he would close his eyes, and breathe deep the wonderful smell of violets that drifted from her skin. 

Once, she had awoken slightly; but was still quite out of it. She had asked him how he got there and was immediately asleep again. Still, he did not move. 

**~~~*~~~**

Lick…lick…lick 

_Ahh, do all my dreams have to involve animals!_

Renae batted at her would be attacker, half asleep. Her hand grazed something furry.

These dreams are getting so real! 

Lick… lick… lick

"Uhhh…" She again swiped her hand in front of her face, feeling slightly more awake.

Lick… lick 

This time, as she lifted her hand, she forced her eyes open. "AH!" 

Looking down on her was a huge black face. Scrambling to sit up, she quickly realized she had not been dreaming, and that her reason for being out all night was now sitting on her bed.

"Sirius?"

The black dog titled its head, and cocked its ears as if in thought.

Renae felt tears forming in her eyes. "_Please_ tell me your Sirius!" she pleaded with the animal.

Suddenly the dog was gone, and a dreadful looking version of Sirius Black was sitting next to her. "Renae? How did you…"

Not giving a moment's thought to how he looked, she interrupted him by wrapping her arms around him and kissing him with all the bottled up passion of twelve long years.

********

He nearly fell over as Renae pounced on him, their lips meeting for the first time in twelve years. Sirius felt tears of joy run down his cheeks as he wrapped his arms around her, never wanting to again let go.

All those years, curled up in a damp, foul corner of his cell, wasting away in Azkaban, had made the warmth of her touch and the passion of her kiss seem like a lost memory. A dream he could never hope to ever obtain again. He had been a fool, not telling her the truth, the truth about being an animagi and switching places with Peter. If he had told her, he may never have spent so long without her love.

He began crying hysterically, holding her face in his hands, terrified of letting go, like he was only dreaming and if their lips parted, she would fade into the night. He wanted to believe this was real, that she was truly holding him as tightly as he held her, that she was truly crying out his name with every gasp of air.

Finally, he dared to stop. Risk everything for the chance he may actually be in the arms of his love. Slowly he opened his tear filled eyes, still holding the sides of her face for dear life. Her eyes were dripping with tears, her breathing labored with her sobbing. But it was real. It was Renae. Her eyes were filled with the love he had longed to feel for over a decade. 

Her touch was warm and soft as she began running her hands along his cheeks. "Sirius, I never thought I'd ever see you again." She broke down as he pulled her to him, holding her to his chest, rocking her like one would a child who had awoke from a nightmare. Kissing the top of her head over and over, he wrapped his arms around her so tight; she began to feel like a part of him. He wanted her to be a part of him. He wanted to be a part of her.

"I'll never be such a fool again. I'll never let you go again. Oh, Renae," he pulled her chin up to gaze into those loving eyes, "I _died_ without you. You have every reason to hate me…to tell me to go to hell. I kept too many secrets from you, how can I ever make it up to you? _Can_ I make it up to you?" 

As tears rolled down her already soaked cheeks, she smiled, making his heart leap. "Just tell me you love me, and _never_ let me go."

Sirius pulled her closer. "I love you, though I don't deserve you, I love you with all my heart, and soul." 

Their bodies entwined once more.

Leaning her back onto the bed, his tongue continued to explore its once familiar space. Renae moaned as he carefully laid himself on top of her. Her fingers trailed down his back, sending tingles down his spine, just as he remembered. It was glorious, it was miraculous, and he never wanted it to end.

Stopping, he gently brushed her tear-dampened hair out of her face. He ran his thumb along her cheekbone. Her smile made all the pain from their separation fade into memory. For the first time in years, he felt he could be the man he once was, not the outlaw he now was. The man she loved. The man she still loved.

"How did you know it was me? I never told you."

With a smile she responded, "Remus told me everything."

"So that's what old Moony was up to." Sirius lightly chuckled. "But you didn't say anything yesterday behind Honeydukes."

Renae blushed. "I had forgotten what form Remus said you took. I didn't put it together until late last night. So I went out looking for you."

He kissed her again. _She came looking for me._

As their lips parted again, Renae asked, "How _did_ you get here? Only three people know I'm here."

"Oh, and who's that?"

Her face flushed. "Ah… well, Dumbledore and Remus."

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "That's two people, Renae."

With a sheepish grin, she mumbled through gritted teeth, "Snibf"

"What?"

Fear flashed in her eyes. "Promise me you won't go flying off the handle."

"Why would I do that? I'm just happy to be with you again!"

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I know you, so _please_, just promise."

Sirius was curious as to why she felt he would overreact to who ever was the third person to know she was there. "Alright, I promise."

After taking a deep breath, she told him. "Snape."

********

"SNAPE? _Snivellus_ knows you're here…you're STILL talking to him?" Sirius looked fit to explode. He sat up, trying to run his hand through his matted hair.

Renae wished she had keep quiet about Severus, but she didn't want any more secrets between her and Sirius. "You promised not to go flying off the handle."

"_I'm not flying off the handle!_ I'm…I'm…"

"Flying off the handle," she finished for him.

His eyes narrowed as she returned the glare. "I'm just a little _upset_ is all."

Renae rolled her eyes, "Really? You looked so _happy _to me."

Sirius' face softened, surprisingly. "Renae, let's not fight. I've missed you for twelve long years, I can think of a million things I'd rather be doing with you right now."

Running her hand along his sunken cheek, she apologized. "I'm sorry Sirius, I've missed you too, more than you'll ever know." She closed her eyes and enjoyed the taste of Sirius' lips on hers. 

**~~~*~~~**

The next morning, Renae woke up to Sirius sleeping beside her. Before they had gotten "reacquainted", she had insisted he shower. Though he still looked half starved, he now resembled more the dashing man she had fallen in love with, and still loved.

Kissing him gently, she slipped out of the bed and put on her dressing gown. She had been thinking of how she would tell Sirius about Perdita. He had been through so much, she was beginning to think that maybe she had better leave their daughter's memory in the past, rather than add it to his already full plate. 

_He has Harry to worry about; you can't go troubling him with this now! _Renae knew Remus was going to be livid if he found out she hadn't told him when she had the chance.

Taking a seat at her table, she looked at the small stack of books she had borrowed from Severus. _Merlin, don't tell Sirius that!_ She honestly did have a curiosity about ancient magic, and since she wanted to leave Sirius to sleep, she picked up the top book. __

The old, green leather bound book read, _Dark Intent: Ancient Draughts to Bewitch the Mind, the Heart and the Soul._

_Huh, interesting title,_ she thought, opening the book. _Let's see what we have here._

********

Sirius awoke to the sound of pages turning. Rolling over, he found Renae already awake and sitting at her table. "Morning."

Lifting her head from the book she was reading, she smiled at him. "Morning. Sleep well?"

He stretched out over the large bed, enjoying the soft mattress as his limbs covered it, corner to corner. "Ahh, yes, indeed. That cave floor is murder on my back."

Renae giggled. "Hungry?"

"Yes!"

"Thought so," she got up and walked into the kitchen, "you look starved. Sit down at the table, I'll make some breakfast."

Not needing to be told twice, Sirius quickly took the seat vacated by Renae. As he pushed a stack of books aside, he glanced over the one she had left open. _Draughts for the Mind_ was written across the top of the left page, _Vessels_ across the right. Not finding this particular subject very interesting, he took a scrap piece of parchment, marking the page for her.

A few moments later Renae returned two full plates in her hands. As Renae set one of the plates in front of him, he looked over the food with apprehension. There were opened biscuits covered with a creamy sauce with what looked like bits of meat in it. Renae sat down after putting a cup of coffee in front of him.

"What?" she asked.

He pointed at the plate as he grimaced.

She rolled her eyes. "It's biscuits and sausage gravy. It won't kill you."

"No chance of beans and toast?"

"No, Sirius. I can't stand that! When I think beans, I think BEANS. As in dark brown, onions, bacon, molasses, baked in a cast iron pot for hours, so thick you can put your spoon in the middle of the pot, and it will stand on its own. And those kind of beans DO NOT go with toast."

Sirius swallowed hard, then painted the most sarcastic grin on his face humanly possible. "GREAT!… Biscuits and gravy it is!" With a huge smile, he began digging into the food. 

Renae rolled her eyes and laughed. "_Smart ass_."

********

They didn't talk much during breakfast, which Renae didn't mind. Sirius looked frighteningly thin and pale, and she felt better seeing him clean his plate. He always complained about biscuits and gravy, but he always ate every bite of it too.

Finishing his second helping, he reached over and picked up his coffee. "No tea?"

"You want tea?"

"Well, it would be nice." He flashed her his puppy dog eyes. 

_I see Azkaban hasn't taken **that** out of him,_ she thought as she returned to the kitchen for some tea.

As she sat down, two glasses of ice tea in her hands, she handed one to Sirius. "Ice tea?" he asked.

Renae laughed. "Have you ever known me to have hot tea?"

"Well, no," he said, politely pushing the glass away from him, "but I thought you might make me some considering how long it's been since I've had a decent meal."

She laughed, almost spitting her tea across the table at him. "I don't even know how to _make_ hot tea."

Sirius laughed. "_Okay_,' he picked up his glass, "guess I'll be safer with _this_." 

********

Suddenly, Sirius remembered Buckbeak. "Oh, shit, Renae. I have to get back to the cave, I left Buckbeak there." He had told her about the hippogriff that night, and hadn't given him a second thought since.

Finishing her last sip of tea, she held up a finger to tell him to wait a minute. Setting down the glass, she headed for the kitchen. When she returned, she had a container inside a bag for him. "Here, it's what was left, I'm sure Buckbeak must be hungry too."

Sirius gave her quick kiss. "You think of everything." Turning back into a black dog, Renae held the bag handles open for him so he could put the bag around his neck.  A quick lick on her cheek, and he was out the door.

********

Closing the door behind him, Renae mentally slapped herself. "I still didn't tell him. Damn it, why does this ALWAYS happen to me?"

Rather than sit around, beating herself over the head for it, she picked up the book she had been reading before Sirius woke up. She had accepted Severus' offer of lending her several books from his personal library, and this had been the first time she had looked in any of them. _No need to tell Severus that._

As she read, she became very interested in an ancient potion used to turn ordinary objects into ' Memory Vessels'. Once the preferred method of storing memories, it retained them so clearly, that when others used the Vessels, they experienced the memories as if they were that person. In 1272, the Wizards' Council, because of the madness associated with their use, banned Memory Vessels and their creation. 

Wizards would pick up a seemingly innocent object, only to find themselves suddenly slipping into some stranger's mind and whatever tragic or depressing memories were stored in it. Many had trouble coping with it, confusing their own lives with those they had unwittingly relived. Others, found the other person's life more desirable than their own and became dependant on the Vessel, reliving the memories repeatedly until they were convinced the memories were their own.

However, Renae saw a glimmer of hope in this. This potion gave the Vessel's creator the ability to define which type of memories to extract; from specific events to emotions, even if they spanned a lifetime. Not only that, it could retain the memories of up to two people. The only downside is that once the Vessel "lifted" the memories, the person often lost all recollection of the memories, either in their entirety, or bits and pieces, another reason they thought people were going mad from the practice.

"This may be better than telling him. I could make a vessel for our memories, and I could put my memories of Perdita in it!" She knew she was looking for an easy why out of telling him about their daughter, but she didn't care. She had lived with the memory of her death so long, the possibility of being able to contain it for Sirius to relive on his own instead of her telling him the story, and the possibility of being relieved from having to live with the grim memory was becoming more appealing by the minute.

Renae began reading over the details of the process. Using the potion and "filling" the Vessel would be easy enough, but the potion itself… it looked like a beast to make. Half the ingredients you wouldn't be able to find in a respectable Apothecary shop, and the directions alone were more complex than even the Fidelius Charm!

_Great,_ she grumbled as she realized there was no way she could possibly make the potion. _What a lot of good Severus' books are turning out to be!_

"Wait, Severus!" she exclaimed, as she ran across the room to grab a parchment and quill. 


	15. Kiss me Goodnight

Kiss me Goodnight… 

_~15~_

"Severus could do it…hell, he still owes me a favor!" Renae had never planned to ask for a favor in return for finding out about Aleanor's necklace, but now may be the time. If Severus was anything, he was true to his word. Sitting at the table, she began a letter, asking to see him.

**~~~*~~~**

Renae walked up to the castle, and saw Severus waiting outside the Entrance Hall for her. "Renae."

"Severus," she replied, his copy of _Dark Intent: Ancient Draughts to Bewitch the Mind, the Heart and the Soul_, under her arm.

He opened the large oak doors for her. "So what is so important that you needed to see me?"

Stepping inside, she smiled and pointed to the old book.

"You have a question?"

Renae followed Severus down the stairs leading to the dungeons. "In a manner of speaking."

Raising an eyebrow, he opened his office door for her. "Either you have a question or you don't. I hope you didn't interrupt my schedule for a trivial inquiry into the contents of such a self-explanatory book."

Renae rolled her eyes as she plopped herself in the black leather chair still occupying his office. Though the leather was worn now, its high back was still comfortable to sit in. Severus walked over, and slowly sat behind his desk, propping his elbows on the mahogany surface as he laced his fingers together.

"Relax, I'm not here to ask some stupid question. I couldn't write to you about this, since it's a… well… it's not exactly what a person should be discussing in open conversation."

His eyes glinted as an amused grin skipped across his pale face. "Go on."

Renae opened to the page she had book marked. Setting the open book on his desk, she spun it around and pushed it towards him. His hands unlaced themselves, and placing one hand on top of it, he slid it closer as he quickly skimmed over the open pages. 

"Why am I reading this?" he asked coolly, as he leaned back in his chair.

"Would you be able to make that?" she asked, wondering if he would anticipate her thoughts.

He chuckled. "I thought you weren't going to ask any stupid questions."

She glared at him. "I'll take that as a _yes_."

Again, he leaned forward, his elbows on the wooden top, his finger intertwined, as he nodded. "Why do you ask?"

She grinned. "Remember when you asked me to find out about Aleanor's necklace?"

Again, one eyebrow rose. Slowly, he lowered his hands to rest on the pages of the book, fingers still entwined. "I take it you are planning on redeeming my favor?"

"As a matter of fact…I am."

With an exaggerated sigh, Severus picked up the book and sat against the back of his chair as he thoroughly read the contents of the pages. Renae's right leg began to thump with nervousness as time past, causing him to stop momentarily to gaze over the book and glare at her until she put her hand on her knee in an effort to stop the appendage. After what seemed an eternity, he set the book back down on the desk.

His lack of a response was deafening. "Well? _Can_ you make that for me?"

"Do you have any idea what you are asking of me?" He pointed to the book. "That particular potion not only is extremely difficult to prepare, but _illegal_."

"Yes," she began, realizing she would have to pet his ego a bit. "But a potion such as this should be no match for a Potions Master of your skill," she pointed to his arm, now knowing what symbol was inscribed on it, "and as for the legality, I never imagined you to be one to concern yourself with such trivial details." The smirk spreading across her face felt surprisingly good.

A smile appeared on Severus' face. "By Merlin, have I really had _that_ much affect on you?"

"What?"

Grinning, he answered, "You, just now…the proper little Ravenclaw, buttering me up to do your dirty work, a sickening grin on your face…for a moment there you would have made Salazar Slytherin himself, proud of you."

She laughed. "So, will you do it?"

**~~~*~~~**

Weeks had past and Sirius had only managed to see Renae four times since their second reunion. If he kept going into town, he would draw attention, and if she kept walking to the cave, she would do likewise. It was extremely frustrating; being so close to the one you love, yet so far away. The one thought keeping him from throwing all caution to the wind, was the thought that by capturing Peter and clearing his name, the two of them would be able to finally live the life together that had already been ripped from them once before. This time, he would leave nothing to chance, _this time_ he would make her his wife.

Sitting in the cave, Buckbeak chewing away at the roast Renae had sent for him, Sirius watched as a dark figure soared through the sky outside. At first, he thought nothing of it, until he realized it was heading towards the cave. Quickly he jumped to his feet as one of the Hogwarts owls flew in the cave, bearing a letter for _Snuffles._ Sirius took the letter, instructing the animal to stay. As he finished reading it, Sirius paced the room, furious.

"Going out into the Forest, at night, with one of Karkaroff's students no less….what is that boy thinking?" He pounded on the cave wall. "I know what he's thinking, he's thinking too much like James and I did at his age. Only difference is WE never had anyone trying to kill us!"

Grabbing a piece of parchment, he began scrawling a letter in return.

Harry- what do you think you are playing at, walking off into the forest with Victor Krum? I want you to swear, by return owl, that you are not going to go walking with anyone else at night. There is somebody highly dangerous at Hogwarts. It is clear to me that they wanted to stop Crouch from seeing Dumbledore and you were probably feet away from them in the dark. You could have been killed.

_Your name didn't get into the Goblet of Fire by accident. If someone's trying to attack you, they're on their last chance. Stay close to Ron and Hermione, do not leave Gryffindor Tower after hours, and arm yourself for the third task. Practice Stunning and Disarming. A few hexes wouldn't go amiss either. There's nothing you can do about Crouch. Keep your head down and look after yourself. I'm waiting for your letter giving me your word you won't stray out-of-bounds again._

_                                                Sirius_

Finishing, he heard Renae walking in. "What are you doing like that? It might not have been me coming in here!"

"Sorry Renae," he responded with more bite than he had intended. 

"What's wrong?" she asked, sitting down beside him.

He handed her Harry's letter to read, followed by his. Renae's mouth fell open as she read Harry's account of what happened in the Forest. "What was he thinking?"

"Exactly what I said!"

Handing back the letters, she said, "Well, he better listen to you. He has no idea how dangerous it is right now, and unfortunately, you can't be there to watch over him." 

His face fell with those words.

"I, I'm sorry Sirius," Renae apologized. "I shouldn't have said that."

He pulled her in for a hug, smelling her violet scented skin as he did. "It's alright." He gave her a quick kiss, then chuckled. "Did I ever tell you how I love the way you smell like violets?"

"No," she laughed, "so you like violets?"

He grinned. "Only on you."

**~~~*~~~**

Renae had received the letter from Severus that morning, and she was now walking as fast as her lega would carry her to the Hog's Head to meet him. Upon entering, she noticed he wasn't there yet; for once, she was actually early. Finding an empty table towards the back, she ordered a bottle of rum and waited.

Placing her empty shot glass on the table, Renae looked up to see Severus walk in. He quickly caught her eye and quietly made his way to the table. "I didn't expect you to be here already. I thought you were allergic to being on time."

"_Ha ha_, Severus, you're _so_ damn funny."

He chuckled, apparently pleased with the reaction he had evoked. "I have it. However, I want to make it clear that this _more_ than satisfies my debt to you. I had to use connections I'd rather not have employed in order to obtain many of the ingredients, not to mention the time I had to put into its production."

Renae smiled and put her hand on his, which sat on the table. "Thank you, Severus, really. It means a lot to me that you'd do this for me." She could tell he was holding back a smile. "You're a true friend, a dear friend."

"Alright, enough of the endearments," he said, a look of faked disgust on his face. 

Renae smiled, she knew he really did enjoy hearing that, even though he'd rather die than admit it.

"Here," he slid a rectangular box across the table, along with the book, "Follow the directions perfectly. One mistake, and it will completely wipe whoever's memory you're lifting."

Renae trembled slightly as she took the package and put it into her robes. "Alright, the last thing I need is to end up like that poor Lockhart character."

Severus grabbed her hand as she reached for the book. "_You're_ using it?" he asked, a look of fear flooding over his features.

"Well…"

"Renae, are you _out of your mind? _You MUST be if you're considering using that! You read what it does, the madness it inflicts, are you bloody _insane?_"

She motioned him to keep his voice down. "Severus, calm down. I know how to follow directions_, and_ how to be careful."

"You're using it as an escape aren't you? You want to lift your memories of Perdita to free yourself."

The blood in her face was draining, but she couldn't think of a plausible excuse quick enough.

"Renae, life is hell… I lost Aleanor, you lost Perdita, but we still must go on. I looked for refuge in a bottle of Somnus Letum, but you stopped me. I can't let you do this."

"I'm not trying to kill myself here, I'm just lifting my memories of her death so I can live my life without her face haunting my dreams! It's not the same thing!"

Severus' face was stern though his eyes held an unspoken understanding. "It's more similar than you want to admit. You're too wise to truly believe otherwise. Give me the potion," he said, holding out his hand.

"No."

"Renae, give it to me."

"I can't, I'm sorry. I'll use it for something else, okay?" The look on his face was not reassuring.  "I swear I won't do it myself, alright? Have I ever broken a promise to you?"

Slowly he withdrew his hand. 

**~~~*~~~**

Locking the door behind her, Renae dropped the package containing the Memory Vessel potion and the book with the instructions for its use on her table. Quickly, she closed all the blinds in her flat, and put up wards. She wasn't taking any chances. On the windowsill sat a small pot of violets. Since the day Sirius had told her about the way he loved how she smelled of violets, she knew what she would use to make the Vessel. Picking the most beautiful blossom, she went back to sit at the table and began following the directions.

Placing the violet in an empty cauldron, she poured the thin, silvery potion over it, the smell of rotting meat filling the room. _Oh, dear Merlin! How did Severus survive smelling this for the past few days! _Renae struggled to keep from vomiting as she continued in her effort to transform the small violet into a Memory Vessel. __

When she finished, she looked over the tiny flower that would now, never wilt. All that was left was to lift their memories, forever storing them in the small blossom. That would require a kiss.

**~~~*~~~**

Sirius pawed at the door, as he sat waiting. Tomorrow was the third task, and he just couldn't sleep. Every time he laid his head down, he could only think of Harry, and he knew that if he didn't get any rest, he wouldn't be much help if anything happened. After a minute or two, he pawed again, this time with more force. _Renae has to be here!_

A light turned on inside and Sirius stood on all fours, while Renae made her way to the door. Opening it, she looked down at him and quickly waved him in. As she locked the door behind him, Sirius transformed back into his human form. "I'm sorry to wake you up."

When she turned around, he noticed she didn't look that tired for two in the morning. "It's alright, I wasn't asleep. What's wrong?"

"Tomorrow," he sighed and sat on her bed, "the third task is tomorrow, and I'm worried about Harry."

She nodded. "I had a feeling." With a smile she added, "Wait right there, I have a surprise for you."

As she disappeared in the kitchen, Sirius kicked off his shoes and took off his robes. Before he could sit back down, Renae had returned with a tray bearing a teapot and a cup of tea. 

"Tea?"

"Yep."

He grinned. "Is it safe?"

"I make _no_ guarantees. I just bought my first teapot today and tried using it after dinner. But I warn you, I was guessing on the amount, so drink at your own risk."

He laughed and took a precautionary sip. "Hmm, a bit strong, but I can manage. So why were you up?"

Renae set the tray on the nightstand on his side of the bed before climbing under the sheets on her side. "Nightmare."

He drained his cup and finished undressing himself before climbing in beside her. "Nightmare? About what?"

Renae was quiet for a moment, looking down at the sheets as she rubbed them between her fingers. "Did you ever hear about the Death Eater attack on that Quodpot game about nine years ago?"

"No, what happened?"

"Well, I went to the opening Quodpot season game, and while there, a group of Death Eaters, still disgruntled over You-Know-Who's fall, set off an explosion during the match. I was caught in the outer reaches of it. Hundreds died, thousands more were injured." Tears began rolling down her cheeks. "It was horrible. I've never seen so much death before, so much blood."

Sirius pulled her to him, laying her head on his shoulder as he ran a hand through her hair.

"Have you ever had memories you just wanted to escape; to just lock away until you felt you could handle them without going out of your mind?"

"Yes," he continued to run his hand through her hair to comfort her, "I do. Many nights I've woken up, crying from seeing James and Lily in the rubble of their home, reliving the day Peter framed me, or seeing you the day I was sentenced, they all haunt me. It would be nice if there was an escape, wouldn't it?"

********

Renae hadn't expected quite an answer as that from Sirius, but it was exactly the encouragement she needed. Slowly she pulled away from him.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just wanted to show you something." She reached over to the nightstand on her side of the bed. For the past week, she had waited for the opportunity to fill the Vessel, and now her chance had come. Opening the drawer of the nightstand, she pulled out a small wooden box, beautifully carved on the outside. Renae had found the box the day before while visiting Diagon Alley. 

"Sirius, I got you something." A pang of guilt shot through her as she lied, in a way, to him, _and you lied to Severus! Well, not entirely, you AREN'T using it…alone._

Opening the small box, she handed it to him. He looked at the tiny violet, before pulling it out. "A violet?"

"Yes, a violet. One that will never wilt, like my love for you." 

Sirius smiled and handed her back the box. "Here, set it over there for me. The tray's taking up all the room over here."

As she took it, Sirius leaned over to pour himself another cup of tea. Quickly, she pulled the violet out of the box, and concealed it in her hand. _I've got to get him to kiss this with me! It's the only way to fill it!_

Sirius emptied his cup and leaned back in the bed. Renae nestled in beside him, crossing her still closed hand over his chest. "Sirius," she whispered, looking up at him, "can I have a goodnight kiss?" she asked, letting a sheepish grin cross her face.

He nodded and leaned forward, quickly, she slid the flower between them just in time for them to feel the petals against their lips instead of each other. 

It was like having a whirlpool attach itself to your mouth. A swift suction feeling started at her lips then dug deeper and deeper until it seemed to be tugging at the back of her head. The room spun around her as a flash of memories sped past her like a muggle movie. Sirius in her classroom, Severus' office, the Faculty bathroom, Perdita, the Quodpot game, seeing Sirius in his animagus form, getting the potion from Severus, Sirius sitting beside her on the bed.

Suddenly, all went black…


	16. Taken Care Of

Taken Care Of 

****

_~16~_

Harry felt the room slowly stop spinning around him. As his eyes once again focused on his true surroundings, he opened his hand to see the violet still sitting in his palm, looking as innocent as ever.

"That's _it?_" he asked the tiny flower, as if it would suddenly answer him. "It can't end there… _what happened?_ What about Perdita, did she tell him about Perdita!" 

Harry shook the violet, as an investigator would the suspect they were interrogating. He had to know, he couldn't bear NOT knowing. For the past few hours, he had been living their past, feeling their emotions, shedding their tears… _It can't end like this!_

Trembling, sweat running down his forehead, Harry began to panic. _Sirius is gone, how will I ever find out what happened? _Knocking over the pictures sitting on the side of his desk, he leapt towards the box sitting on the nearby chair. Digging through it madly, he tossed photographs of Sirius and his father aside, letters he himself wrote to Sirius were tossed behind him haphazardly. Lifting out the small tattered flag, he paused.

He had overlooked the worn and faded piece of fabric before, not giving it a single moment of thought. Now he gently laid the tiny souvenir in his hand, the thin black and blue fabric was threadbare in places, holes burnt into it in, and the edges torn. With his finger, he traced over the four letters left visible…ight. 

"Fighters," he whispered to himself, as tears began to well up in his eyes, clouding his vision. 

Wiping some of the hot tears away, he quickly balled up the item and put it in his robes. Though she was never his daughter, he had held the small girl in his arms just as Renae had. Harry felt sure he would awaken many nights, seeing the little angel's face in his dreams just as it had haunted Renae. _If she hadn't died,_ he thought,_ she would be almost my age, she may have gone to Hogwarts…I might have known her._

_Forget it… stop thinking like that… it'll only make it worse._

Quickly, he wiped away more tears as he returned to digging through the box. Pushing more knick-knacks and pictures aside, he picked up an envelope with familiar handwriting on it. After writing so often with her hands, he knew it was Renae's. Pulling out the parchment, he unfolded it and began reading the tear stained writing.

            Sirius 

_Please forgive me. I never meant to trick you, I just thought you'd never agree to using it! If I would have known how badly this would have hurt you, I would never have done it. It was an easy way for me to escape the horrible memories that were haunting me every time I closed my eyes at night._

_ If I could remember them now, I'd tell you what they were, but you must believe me when I say, I don't know why I did it! All I know is that you MUST use the violet, Please! Severus won't speak to me, though I know he knows why I did it. If you go to him, you two will only try and kill each other. _

_Please, if you do nothing else, if you never speak to me again, use the violet. It's the only one that could tell you why I did this, however foolish a reason it was._

_                                                                                    Renae_

"She forgot Perdita," he said to himself, staring at the letter in disbelief, "Sweet Merlin! She lost _all _memory of her." Harry didn't know whether he should feel happy that Renae had gotten her wish or angry that she had done something to wipe all memory of that sweet little girl from her mind. 

_Perdita should **never** be forgotten. _

Grabbing the letter with both hands, he began crying madly as he went to tear the parchment in half in anger. He was furious with Renae. How could she risk all knowledge of her and Sirius' daughter for peaceful _sleep?_ How could she live with herself, never remembering that sweet innocent face looking up at her with her intoxicating smile. 

"How could you!" he shouted, throwing the letter across the room before gripping the sides of the box. As tears fell from his cheeks, Harry looked down to see Perdita's drawing. With a shaky hand, he lifted it out of the box like a rare jewel, which if dropped, would shatter into a million pieces.

"It wasn't a quaffle," he told himself, "it's a quod." He chuckled lightly as the picture of the little girl flew across the paper. "You must have gotten that from Sirius." She flew wonderfully; at least in the girl's own imagination.

Suddenly, it dawned on him. How did Sirius get all this then? Looking in the box again, he dug and found a picture of Renae and Perdita when the little raven-haired girl was probably about two. _Sirius must have found out at some point, if he had all this. He must have found out about Perdita, but how?_

_Lupin. Lupin knew about her!_

Harry looked at his clock; it was seven twenty. He was late for dinner at Lupin's.

Pulling out his wand, he quickly sent everything back into the box, tucking it under his arm as he headed for the door. Harry was determined to find out what had happened after Renae filled the violet. And Lupin was his first stop.

**~~~*~~~**

"Harry, it's not like you to be late," Lupin said, opening the door as Harry walked in, the box still under his arm. "Why'd you bring that?" he asked, pointing to the box.

Setting the box on the couch, Harry turned to him, holding up the picture of Renae and Perdita. "Why didn't he ever tell me about them? Why did Sirius keep this from me!" Harry felt the blood rush to his face, as his emotions again took hold of him. 

Lupin's face paled as he reached out and took the picture. "You know who these people are?"

"Yes! Renae Wallis, and Perdita… _Sirius' daughter!_" Harry shouted, pointing at the photograph, still in Lupin's hand.

Taking a deep breath, Lupin ran a hand through his hair. Slowly exhaling, he sat on the couch, motioning Harry to do the same. "How did you find out about them?" he whispered calmly.

Reaching into the box, Harry produced the small wooden box, opening it to show Lupin the violet.

"He _didn't_ destroy it!" Lupin shouted, jumping to his feet. Harry couldn't remember seeing Lupin react like that before. "He told me he destroyed it, got rid of it!" Pointing at the flower like some rabid dog, he continued, "Tell me you didn't touch that. _Tell me you didn't pick up that damn violet!_"

Harry began to sink into the couch. Lupin was normally so collected, even when Sirius died, he had been strong. Why was he getting so worked up? As the blood drained from his face, Harry began to answer, "Well…"

Lupin grabbed the wooden box, slamming it shut as he began to pace in front of the fire. "How could you _lie_ to me like that? I trusted you Padfoot, trusted you more than _anyone _and you _lie to me_, lie to my face! I told you this damn thing was no good, that it would grab a hold of you."

"What are you…" Harry didn't get to finish his question.

"This," Lupin began, shaking the box in Harry's face, "should never have been. Renae should have known better than to make this, then trick Sirius into filling it with her." He threw the box onto the table, turning his back to Harry. "I thought she was stronger than that. I thought she was _wiser_ than that." Turning to face him once more, Harry saw Lupin's eyes welling up with tears. "That little flower made the last few months of Sirius' life worse than all twelve years in Azkaban."

Almost in a whisper, Harry asked, "What happened after they filled it?"

Lupin stared at the box for several minutes, appearing to be battling with himself as to whether or not he should answer. Again he ran a hand through his hair, then answered, his voice calmer than before. "Many things, Harry. Few good." Sighing, he returned to sit on the couch. "They say things get worse before they get better. Well, for Sirius… they never did. 

I didn't find out what happened before the third task of the Triwizard Tournament until after I reported to Dumbledore with Sirius. It was after the Order had been reorganized that Sirius sat down and told me what Renae had done that night. At first, I didn't believe it. Renae was too smart to do something like that, but then he showed it to me and with a small touch, I quickly realized it was no joke. 

I went to confront Renae about it, but Dumbledore had already added her to the Order, sending her back to America to use her father's connections in the American Ministry to rally support and track possible Death Eaters still in the States. She helped us gain information we would otherwise never have gotten, but she never stepped foot in Britain again. 

Sirius refused to speak to her, furious that she would do something so careless. He demanded to know why she did it, but apparently it lifted her memory so well, she had no recollection as to why she did. For months, she'd send Dumbledore reports, and Sirius letters. Most of which he burned."

"Wait," Harry exclaimed, picking out the letter he had found from Renae, "he kept this one." 

Taking the letter from Harry, Lupin read it then handed it back. "I know. I found it next to him one night after you had left Grimmauld Place to return to Hogwarts. I found him sitting next to Buckbeak, holding the violet, his eyes closed as he was pulled into the violet's memory. I had to slap his hand to knock the flower out of his palm to bring him out of it." He chuckled lightly as he wiped a tear from his cheek. "Oh, Sirius was livid. Apparently he was in the middle of reliving a rather intimate moment with Renae." 

Harry wondered which one as he lightly chuckled as well.

"We fought. Sirius had had a taste of their memories and was already addicted to them. I had a feeling Renae had made it in order to use it to tell Sirius about Perdita. I could have told him myself, but I felt it wasn't my place. Renae was still writing to him, so maybe she'd somehow remember Perdita and tell him herself. Instead, I merely asked Sirius to hide the flower and not use it again. But, being the sneaky little prat he was, Sirius kept using it. Several times I caught him, but I never did anymore than ask him to stop. I guess I was hoping one of those times he'd finally relive Renae's memories of Perdita and call it quits." Lupin shook his head solemnly. "He didn't…

One day, he came down to dinner. Seeing me, he grabbed me by the collar of my robes and dragged me upstairs, his eyes like fire. He was furious with me for not telling him about his daughter. I had only seen him that mad once before, and that was the night in the Shrieking Shack, when he had found Wormtail. At first, I thought he was going to kill me, but I managed to calm him down. But it only made matters worse with Renae."

Harry continued to listen, sitting on the edge of the couch as he awaited Lupin's every word.

"Renae wrote to me a few days later, the parchment barely readable through the tear stains. Sirius had demanded everything she had of Perdita's. She had left Hogsmeade the day after the third task, leaving everything behind. Snape had been the one to empty her flat. How Sirius managed to get these things from him, I don't know." He pointed towards the box before looking at the picture of Renae and Perdita once more. "And Snape won't exactly talk to me, now will he?" 

"Well, what happened to Renae? Is she still in America?" Harry asked impatiently.

Lupin's face fell as he got off the couch and headed for the kitchen. "I think we should eat."

Harry followed him. "No, I want to know about Renae. Is she still in America?" he repeated.

Lupin picked a shepard's pie up off the counter and carried it to the dining room table. Harry was again, on his heels.

"Tell me where Renae is!" he shouted.

Lupin stared at the cherry stained table. "I don't know Harry."

"_What?_ You don't know?" he asked in disbelief. He knew everything else it seemed, why wouldn't he know where she was, they were friends. "Then who does?"

Gripping the back of a chair, Lupin looked over at Harry. "Snape."

For a moment, Harry stood dumbfounded. _Snape knows where she is. Snape. _"Wait, why would Snape know where she is, but not you? I thought you were friends."

Lupin was heading back into the kitchen. "We were."

"Were?" Harry asked, "What happened?"

Stopping in front of the table as he put a bottle of pumpkin juice on it, Lupin's voice trembled. "L, let's eat Harry, before it gets cold."

Harry slammed his hand on the table. "_No_, we will NOT eat. Not until I know what happened!"

Lupin collapsed into a chair, his arm knocking over the bottle of juice. He didn't move to clean the mess, but let the liquid spill over the edge of the table, dripping to the carpeted floor. "I… I can't tell you Harry, so please don't ask," he whispered, plopping his face into his hands.

"_No!_ I'm tired of having things kept from me! I'm an adult damn it, and an Auror on top of that! I've killed _Voldemort_ for Merlin's sake… I don't need people keeping things from me!"

"Harry, I'm not trying to keep it from you, I just…"

"**_No!_**" he shouted, knocking the Shepard's pie to the floor in a fit of anger. "Tell me!"

"NO HARRY!" Lupin turned to him, tears streaming down his face. "I can't tell you because I can't bare to tell it!"

"Fine!" Harry shouted, grabbing the violet's wooden box and the photograph and throwing them in the box, which still sat on the couch. "Fine! I'll go and ask Snape then. If he knows where she is, he'll probably know what happened, and then HE can tell me, since you're too much of a coward!"

Lupin leapt out of the chair, grabbing his arm before he could go out the door. "If he tells you, you'll see that I am _not_ a coward. And you'll know why I've never talked about her before. That is, if you can handle it."

Still furious at the way Lupin had been refusing to tell him everything, Harry glared at the man holding onto him. "I can handle anything, Lupin." And he stormed out of the house.

**~~~*~~~**

The box again under his arm, Harry Apparated into Hogsmeade and quickly made his way up to Hogwarts castle. It was now after the student's curfew, so he knew the halls should be empty. 

Opening the great oak doors leading into the Entrance Hall, he was mildly surprised to see Snape standing in the middle of the Hall, arms crossed. 

"Potter."

"Snape."

Stepping closer, Snape's face hardened in a look of complete disgust. "Lupin was kind enough to inform me that you were on your way here. To _see_ me."

Harry scoffed. "Figured as much."

Snape glared for a moment before spinning on his heel and calling over his shoulder. "Follow me."

They traded no words on the way to Snape's office. Instead, Harry quietly steamed as he heard the dull clunks of the soles of his shoes on the stone floor of the dungeons. 

"Sit." Snape ordered as they entered the damp room.

Seeing the familiar, worn, black leather chair from Renae's memories, he swallowed hard for a moment as he thought about the number of times he saw that very chair, never realizing she had ever sat in it.

"Why are you bothering me this evening, Potter?" Snape asked, his tone biting.

"Where's Renae Wallis?"

Snape's face fell for a moment, before returning to its normal cold glare. "How did you learn of her?"

"The violet."

Resting an elbow on the desk, Snape put his forehead in his hand and rubbed his temple. "That _imbecile_ didn't destroy it?"

"No, he didn't. And don't you dare call him an imbecile!" Harry growled in return.

Looking up, a sickening grin crossed Snape's face. "Never you mind, Potter. She is fine and well taken care of."

"Taken care of?" Harry repeated questioningly. Snape's eyes suddenly flashed with a look he had only seen through Renae's eyes. _Fear._ Snape's face was frozen as he apparently realized he had let something slip, and Harry wanted to know what it was. 

Standing up, Harry grabbed the edge of Snape's desk. Leaning in towards his old Potions Teacher, he asked, "What do you mean, '_taken care of_'?" 


	17. Last Kiss

Well, here it is… the end. I've known how this would end from the first sentence I punched out on my computer, yet writing this was still very difficult. Though I've always been looking forward to finishing this story, now that I have, I'm a little sad. 

Red Art

Last Kiss 

****

_~17~_

Snape's face quickly returned to its familiar cold mask. "Potter, this is no concern of yours. Now _leave._"

Harry didn't move a muscle. Still gripping the edge of the desk, he could feel his knuckles turning white. He was no longer a student, no longer intimidated in the least by the dark man sitting before him. An answer was what he wanted, and by Merlin, he would get one.

"Snape," he hissed, "you will tell me how you came to possess these," he pointed to the box which now sat on the floor by the mahogany desk, "how Sirius came to get them, and what _exactly_ you mean by Renae being 'taken care of', or I _will_ force it out of you." Pulling his wand from his robes, he aimed between his old teacher's eyes and awaited a response.

Snape never broke eye contact with him, but continued to let his dark eyes bore into Harry's emerald ones. "In _that _order?" he asked sarcastically, smirking in delight.

"Don't piss me off, I am in _no _mood," Harry growled. "I've had the truth kept from me long enough… _now,_ start talking."

Releasing a slow, deep breath, the Potions Master leaned back in his chair. "Judging by your rather rash behavior, I see you have used the violet. If you _must _know, after your little joy ride to the cemetery, Renae fled to London before joining the Order and returning to America. She never gave me the details of her and Black's argument, but I could tell it devastated her. At first I too was furious, refusing to speak to her as well. She had broken her word, and I don't take that _lightly._" Snape interlocked his hands, propping his elbows on the armrests of his chair. Looking over the edge of his seat, he peered into the box.

"It wasn't until several months later that I took it upon myself to clear out her flat in Hogsmeade. Black only gained possession of these items because I felt he needed a _pleasant _reminder of what he _could_ have had."

Harry's mouth curled and his eyes glared. Tempted to leap over the large desk and strangle the pitiful excuse for a human sitting before him, he began breathing heavily in an attempt to control his nerves. "_What _happened to her? _Where_ is she?"

"You know all you need. Now go," Snape snapped, grabbing a scroll from the edge of his desk and opening it to signal the end of the conversation.

Harry wasn't having it. "_No!_" Harry slammed his free hand down on the scroll, causing his old teacher to glare up at him as he continued to aim his wand between the man's eyes. "Tell me!"

Slowly, Snape stood, gripping the edge of his desk. "Potter, I will not tell you that which you need not know. If it were necessary for you to know the complete details of Renae Wallis' life, your dear, _incompetent _godfather would have told you _himself!_"

"What?" Dropping his wand, Harry could almost hear his heart break. _This happened before he died?_ _Sirius could have told me all about this himself?_

"Do you need an audio-enhancing potion Potter?" Snape asked with a satisfied sneer. "Didn't realize how little Black shared with you? He probably thought you wouldn't be able to handle it, after all, the _infamous _Sirius Black couldn't!" Releasing the wooden edge from his grasp, he walked around the large desk to stare Harry down. "Take your little box and get out of my office before you find yourself in the middle of something you will _wish_ you never fell into."

Suddenly, an idea came to him as he turned to stare at the man now opening the office door. With a grin, Harry began, "She meant a lot to you, didn't she?"

Snape's cold exterior dropped for a moment.

"Whatever happened… you're taking care of her because she means so much to you."

"Stop Potter," he whispered, gripping the door so tightly, it looked as if it would bend from the pressure. It was working.

"Renae was the first person to befriend you after Aleanor died…"

"I said _stop!_" Snape shouted, slamming the office door shut so hard, several bottles fell from the shelves beside him, landing on the floor in a pile of shattered glass and colorful liquids. A thin stream of yellow smoke began to rise from the mix of potions and draughts, but the Potions Master paid them no mind.

Harry continued, unfazed, "…wonder what she'd think seeing you…"  
  


Snape leapt at Harry, grabbing him firmly by the collar of his robes. "Potter, _enough!_ I _will not_ have you talking to me about Renae and _especially _not about Aleanor!"

Harry calmly wrapped his hand around his attacker's wrist, slowly pulling the man off him. "Then tell me, _Snape_, or I'll take _every _opportunity to speak of them in your presence."

A dark fire radiating from his eyes, Snape stood silent for a few moments. Quietly, he raised a hand to his temple and rubbed his forehead as he returned to his desk. Sitting down, he picked up a blank parchment and his quill. Scrawling a short message, he folded the parchment once and handed it to Harry, not taking his eyes off the mahogany surface of the desk. "Meet me there, at that time…and bring the violet. I'll explain everything to you then."

Snape's voice sounded different. He hadn't hissed at him or snarled, as was his usual tone; instead he sounded defeated and weary. For a moment, it unnerved Harry; he remembered that tone, he had heard it only once before, in Renae's memory of Snape in the dungeons after Aleanor's death.

Slowly, he reached out and took the parchment. As Harry opened it, his old potions teacher turned his chair to look out the window, and turn his back on Harry. 

                                                Haverforth Cemetery 

_                                                         Saturday_

_                                                        4 o'clock_

It didn't make sense. _A cemetery? _Harry began to voice his thought. "But why do I have to meet you…"

"_Potter_," he shouted, not turning to face him, "no more questions. Meet me there, at that time, _with the violet_, if you wish to learn the whole story." Snape's voice had begun to waver. "Now if you don't mind, I have other business to attend to."

After seeing Snape through Renae's eyes, he found he understood his request completely. The Potions Master wanted Harry to leave so as not to see him lose his composure. Feeling a pang of guilt pluck at his heart, Harry quietly folded the parchment, put it in his robes, and walked to the office door. Opening it, he stopped for a moment and looked over at the back of Snape's chair. For years as a student, he had wished he could reduce the man hidden by that piece of furniture to tears. Now that he possibly had, he felt awful, he felt sick. Solemnly, he walked out, closing the door behind him.

**~~~*~~~**

For five days Harry had been preoccupied with thoughts of Renae, Perdita, and Sirius. His thoughts were so engrossed in fact; he had failed to sleep but a few hours over the past four nights. Thursday night, he had managed to fall asleep around midnight, only to wake up two hours later, sitting up, his arms out as if supporting something, tears streaming down his face. It took him several moments to realize he was at home, in his bed, not the rubble of the Death Eater attack with Perdita's limp, lifeless body in his arms.

Quickly, Harry shook the memory of that night out of his mind. He had just Apparated to Haverforth Cemetery, and stood waiting outside the gate. Having arrived twenty minutes early, he began pacing in front of the iron gate, his hand fumbling with the tiny wooden box containing the violet in his pocket. The ground was still damp from the previous day's rain, but the muffled squish of his shoes helped calm him. Chuckling lightly, he realized he was anxiously awaiting _Snape_ of all people. _Oh what Sirius would think if he saw this._

With a pop, Snape appeared, his usual stony face in place. "Potter," he said with curt nod, opening the gate and leading him into the cemetery.

No words were exchanged as the unlikely pair walked along the cobblestone path winding between headstones and crypts. The cemetery was eerily quiet; even the few birds that sat perched in the tress lining the path were silent, settling on watching the two figures walking below them than singing. Several times, Harry wondered if they had gotten lost or were going in circles, but bit his tongue. Voicing his concern would probably set the dark man off, and Harry wanted to know the rest of the story. Snape was his only way to end of this tale, so he had to stay in the man's _somewhat_ good graces.

Finally, Snape stopped. Before them, stood a small headstone. Seeing his old teacher point to it, Harry stepped closer and read the name chiseled into the gray marble.

Perdita Caron Black 

_Born of Love, Taken by Hate_

_An Innocent Angel Forever Lost_

Like a stone thrown into a still pond, Harry's heart sank, sending a ripple of pain through every inch of his body. He now stood above the tiny body he had once held in Renae's memory. Closing his eyes, he remembered the sweet girl's face. A hot tear ran down his cheek as a hand suddenly rested on his shoulder. Opening his eyes, he saw Snape beside him, his face fallen and pale.

"Do you have the violet?" he asked in a whisper.

Nodding, Harry reached into his robes producing the wooden box and handed it to Snape. Taking it, the man pulled his wand out of his robes and aimed for the ground in front of Perdita's headstone. Whispering a spell, a small hole appeared in the damp earth. 

"A Memory Vessel can only be destroyed by one who filled it. Your godfather is gone, and" he swallowed hard, then stood staring at the box for a moment before continuing, "and Renae is no longer able to do so." Snape held out the box. "Here. Bury it. It was created to contain her memory, it should be left with her."

Harry took the box and paused as he held it over the hole. "But why? What if I want to remember them?"

His voice still uncharacteristically soft, Snape answered, "You _will_ remember them, in your mind. Using the violet will only drive you into madness. You must bury it so no one else will fall victim to it."

Looking at the little carved item, Harry rubbed it with his thumb. _He's right. You've already seen the way it's changed you. _Placing it in the hole, Harry pulled out his wand and murmured another spell, covering the wooden box under the now grassy earth. _I won't forget you, Perdita, _He swore in his heart.

Snape again took hold of his shoulder. "Come."

Harry stood up, and followed Snape out of the cemetery. Closing the gate behind him, Snape said, "Let's go to the Hog's Head. I could use a drink." He Disapparated with a pop. Harry quickly followed.

**~~~*~~~**

Sitting down across from Snape, Harry found it mildly amusing that a man walked over, setting a bottle of vodka and two glasses in front of the potions teacher as if it were routine. Then again, it may have been. Snape gave a small wave and the man left. Opening the bottle, he poured a good amount in to the glasses. "Here," he said, pushing a glass towards him. Harry eyed the glass wearily; he wasn't particularly fond of vodka, straight. Snape rolled his eyes and threw back his shot.

Figuring he might as well, considering the tone Snape had already set by showing him Perdita's grave, Harry lifted the glass to his lips and let the clear liquid slip down his throat. Feeling the fluid fire burning his throat on its way down, he coughed slightly. Snape chuckled.

Filling their glasses again, the potions teacher sighed. "I suppose I might as well begin and get this over with." He pushed Harry's glass back to him.

"After Renae returned to America, she told me she had created the Vessel and filled it with Black, having tricked him into a kiss. I didn't need to ask her why she had done it; I knew she wanted a release from her memories of Perdita's death. When she told me about the violet, I asked her if she told Black about 'her' and she had no idea what I was talking about." With one swift motion, he emptied his glass a second time. "Damn thing wiped her of all knowledge of her daughter." Grabbing the bottle, he filled his glass. "Forgetting your own child… And I thought not knowing you had a child was worse." For a moment, he sat, rubbing his temple.

Harry lifted his glass and emptied it while he waited for him to continue.

Letting his hand fall to the table with a dull thud, Snape spoke. "I turned away from her. I was _furious_. She had given me her word and she broke it. Why I bothered to empty out her flat, I'll never know."

"Perhaps it was guilt." Harry suggested, pushing his glass towards his companion.

Filling the glass, the potions teacher gave a small snort. Sliding the glass back to Harry, he continued, "I gave many of her things to Black, knowing the rift that had formed between them. If he hadn't used the violet by then, I was sure seeing the photograph of Renae and Perdita would spark his curiosity."

Chuckling, he filled his own glass again. "Did it ever! I went to headquarters for a meeting and Black practically leapt over the table at me the moment I appeared. If it weren't for Moody, we would have cursed each other into oblivion. It's a shame really, every time we were prepared to kill each other, _someone _seemed to always _interfere_." Saying that, he looked over his glass at Harry, an amused glint in his dark eyes.

Grinning, Harry lifted his glass in a mock toast before emptying it. "If I didn't stop you two, I probably would have helped Sirius."

The man chuckled lightly as he stared at the small amount of liquid left in his glass. "You're too much like your mother to have done so."

Harry stared at Snape for a moment, surprised to her him speak of his mother so casually. Then again, the man had been in love with his mother's best friend, so he must have at least known her to some extent. 

Slowly swirling the clear beverage in his glass, the Potions Master continued the story. "America. You'd think you'd be safer putting the Atlantic between you and the Dark Lord. Renae worked hard for the Order. Used every possible connection of her father's. Many Death Eaters were identified with her help, as well as informing us of their movements. The Dark Lord may have only been restored a few months, but he wasted no time in reestablishing his ties over seas. Renae never gave her reports in person, because of Black. He broke her heart, he was so cruel to her; she couldn't bare to face him."

Setting down the glass, Snape began to run his index finger along the rim, a faint low pitch sung as his finger continued its rotation. For a moment, he grinned, apparently lost in his own thoughts before his face paled.

"It was just before you left Hogwarts, before Arthur Weasley was attacked, that we received word that the Dark Lord was having her watched, that her cover had been blown. Despite their differences, Black asked her join him at headquarters to be safe. She refused, still unable to face him after what she had done."

If Harry didn't know any better, he'd say Snape's eyes were welling up with tears.

Emptying the last sip of his glass, the teacher quickly refilled it and downed the next round just as quickly. "She wouldn't listen to any of us. Not Black, not me, not even Dumbledore." Staring at the empty glass in front of him, he sniffled. "Damn stubborn woman. Lupin went to see her, convince her to return with him." Now a tear did escape the man's eye as he began to tremble slightly. "He was too late."

Sniffling again, he wiped the tear from his cheek, as he cleared his throat and poured the last of the vodka into his glass. Drinking it, he set the glass down and put his head in his hands for a moment. Harry sat silent, afraid to probe his old teacher since he was clearly on the verge of losing all composure, which Harry was sure the vodka hadn't helped.

Pulling himself together, Snape straightened his robes, threw a few Galleons on the table and looked over at Harry. "Come. We have one last stop."

Leaving his half full glass on the table, he quietly followed the man out of the pub.

**~~~*~~~**

Leaving the Hog's Head, Snape lead him up a familiar staircase and knocked on the door at the top. An old woman in a nurse's uniform answered. "Oh, Mr. Snape. Come in," she said holding the door open for them. 

"How is she today, Madame Pryderi?" Snape asked, taking off his cloak and draping it over a chair.

"Not very good, I'm afraid," the old woman answered, "she didn't eat again this afternoon." 

Snape gave her a short nod, and the woman quietly left the room. As she did, Harry realized why the staircase had seemed so familiar. He was now standing in Renae's old flat. The décor had changed, but the table by the window was the same. Snape slowly turned to face him. "Come Potter. It's time you saw her."

Quietly he followed his old teacher towards the bedroom. Though in reality it was only a few yards from where they had stood, the journey seemed to stretch for miles. As they reached the door, Snape stopped, his hand on the door handle. Hearing the man take a deep breath as he slowly turned the handle and opened the door, Harry tried to prepare himself for what he would see.

Stepping into the room, Harry found the shades drawn, the fire crackling, and a pale figure lying in the bed.

"Renae?" Harry cried, dashing past Snape to reach her bedside. "Renae?" he said again as he picked her hand up from the bed, wrapping his own around hers protectively. 

She made no movement, no sound, nor did she even blink.

Harry stared at her, his eyes only now taking the time to examine the whisp of a woman lying before him. Her eyes were dead, completely void of any life or light behind them. Her skin was pale, so pale it was beginning to appear translucent.

Thin. She was so thin; she looked like she was slowly wasting away, allowing herself to drift into extinction. Tears welled up in his eyes as he brushed some hair out of her mask like face.

"What happened to her?" he managed to whisper as he wiped a single tear away.

Snape pulled a chair up along the other side of the bed and sat down. "The Dark Lord ordered her to be dealt with, hushed. As with you, he sent the foulest creatures imaginable to do his bidding."

Picking up her other hand, Snape looked upon Renae as tears glistened in the man's eyes. "Lupin arrived at Renae's home in America to find two Dementors had beaten him there. Though he was able to drive them off, he had arrived as one had already pulled her into… into…" Snape released her hand and dropped his face into his hands. For the first time, words had failed the potions teacher, but Harry understood.

Letting hot tears stream down his face, Harry gripped her limp hand tighter as he struggled to speak past the engorged lump that had formed in his throat. Though he knew it, he had to hear those last words; the end to the story that even Snape couldn't bring himself to speak.

"Into a kiss."

**~~~~~~**

Please leave a review. I'd really like to know what you thought of the ending.

And if you like my work, please check out my other fic… just click on my author name for the link.


	18. Bittersweet Homecoming

Yes, like many other chapters, here is the final version, as seen on FA. If you read the first rough version, you might enjoy this meatier rendition more, I think its worthier of a box of Kleenex than the first. But anyways… I hope you enjoy it.

Love- Red

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**_Bittersweet Homecoming _**

_~Epilogue~_

****

The flash of light burned his eyes, filling his vision as it pierced his flesh. He could feel its power course through his body, the pain such that he was actually numb to it, like it wasn't real, only a dream. But the light… the light was all he could comprehend in the eternity it took for his frame to begin to fall backward.

He knew he was falling; yet, it seemed surreal. It wasn't truly happening, it had to be a dream. His body didn't even feel like his own. His legs felt detached, his arms like heavy weights, his head floating. Willing his hands to reach out, them remained motionless. A soft tingle radiated through his flesh, in his very blood, as his hair gently whipped in his face from the motion. 

Yes, he was falling.

Harry. He could hear him crying out, muffled as if from miles away, but his lips wouldn't move, his desperate cries in reply caught in his lungs, unable to escape- to leave his lips to give his dear godson, the only son he ever knew, even the smallest sign of recognition, of comfort. He would be all right. Somehow, he knew he would be.

And still he fell…

The darkness of the veil wasn't perceived as the echo of Bella's spell reverberated in his eyes. Light. Blinding light. But it was felt. It had sunk deep into his chest, and continued to give his otherwise lifeless form a pulse unlike one he ever felt from his own heart before. Slow, painfully slow, and hard enough that it felt as though the blood pumping through the swollen chambers would cause them to rupture.

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

Like an ill wind, he felt the still air engulf him as the slightest touch of the veil brushed his hand. The light was fading, being replaced with black. How it suited him perfectly. _Black._ As black as the despair that dragged him into near madness at the hands of that damned little flower; the only way he ever got to see his daughter, hear her, hold her… as she bled to death in Renae's arms. 

Death.

The motionless air behind the veil wasn't cold, warm, stale, or noticeable in any way other than that it was _dead_. Nothing- a void. Lacking all that which we perceive as atmosphere. No scent, no movement. Like the tiny girl's body he once cradled in his arms, her blood spilling down his robes in a mere memory. Renae's memory that she preserved for him; a memory he often felt he'd rather not have experienced all the same. One he had relived so often, he could describe the events down to the last cloud of smoke. 

He never felt his body land…

His eyes closed, he felt the warmth of the sun beating down on him as he sat by the lake's edge. How he got there, he didn't question. He just was. 

A light breeze blew, the smell of lavender and hyacinth in its wake as he slowly trailed his fingertips in the grass at his sides, their blades brushing his fingers like the soft bristles of a brush. Birds in a nearby tree sang happily as the plop of a frog diving into the water met his ears. All around him was life, when before there had been so much death. Too much death.

Breathing in the fresh air, he raised his face towards the sun's bright rays, and slowly opened his eyes to peer at the painfully bright light as if for the first time. Contentment. Peace. They were new to him… foreign emotions he couldn't recall ever feeling before, or at least since he was a young child. It was glorious. It was a dream; for there could be no way he could find such peace otherwise.

The park. The lake. He remembered them, though it had been so long since he last been there. In his memories, he remembered Harry's first birthday, when they all came together to celebrate. All of them- Peter before he betrayed them, Remus before the events at Hogwarts revealed his condition, the Potters alive, and Renae… Renae before they parted terribly because of his own secrecy. But the park was empty now; he was alone in this dream. 

As he leaned back on his elbows, he took it all in, memorizing every detail of his surrounds down to the grasshopper on his shoe. He enjoyed every second. No worries, no regrets.

"Sirius…"

He spun his head around to see his best friend standing behind him, Lily on his arm. They looked just as he remembered- in their prime, so full of life and love. In a way, it pained him to see they like this, for he always felt they had been taken too early. 

"James!" he exclaimed, jumping to his feet, tears welling up in his eyes as he grabbed his friend, pulling him into the tightest embrace he had ever given the man. Compared to James, he now appeared decades older with his few gray hairs and worry lines etched into his face. Words failed him as he let hot tears stream down his cheeks. It never occurred to him why he was there, or how James had come to be. Only that he _was_.

James Potter returned his embrace, tears forming in his eyes as well as he held his dear friend for as long as he could. Sirius closed his eyes as he felt his friend's embrace crush him. Never before had they ever displayed their love for each other like this. They were brothers long separated, now reunited.

Had it really been fourteen years? Was this all some dream from which he would soon awaken, his heart shattering into more indescribable pieces than when he found his friends' lifeless bodies amid the rubble of their home? If this was a dream, he never wanted to wake. Finally, Sirius pulled back, a smile on his face as he looked back and forth between the two. So far, they hadn't disappeared. 

His friend's face was as damp as his own, but his eyes were glistening from the tears as his smile warmed Sirius' heart. Lily stood wiping at her emerald eyes in an attempt to dry them, her face as kind and warm as he remembered. She was beautiful. They were both beautiful. 

Beautiful, but were they real? 

"James, Lily," he began in almost a whisper,  "You seem so real," he said smiling, half afraid that by saying as much, they'd disappear like any normal apparition, for they couldn't be real. 

"We are Sirius," the redhead replied, a soft smile on her lips as she again took James' arm. James only nodded as he covered her hand with his own, a smile on his face as well.

At first Sirius chuckled lightly, until he remembered falling… the light. "You mean I'm…"

Again, James merely nodded in response, a look of subtle sadness in his eyes. Sirius felt like the world suddenly dropped out from under him as it all came back to him. Bellatrix, the light, the pain, Harry screaming his name, and then the veil.

"Oh Merlin, but Harry… I can't leave him now, not with Voldemort back!"

James grabbed his shoulder, his fingers lightly pressing into him, as his face remained as calm as ever, even with the touch of sadness in his gaze. "He's fine. They all are, for now at least," he reassured Sirius softly.

"I can't be here!" Sirius shouted, his words frantic as he pulled back from his friend, "I can't leave Harry alone out there! I promised you I'd look after him. I…"

Lily interrupted this time, trying to head off the hysterics many fell into before fully accepting their fate. Putting her delicate hand on his arm to steady him, she looked deep into his eyes, her emerald ones always so full of wisdom; he had always found it hard to not listen to her. "Harry will be fine," she said, soothingly, "You've done all you can for him; we couldn't have asked more of you. It's time you joined us, Sirius."

"But Lily…" Sirius stopped as his friend's wife placed her hands on either side of his face, drawing his gaze deeper into her eyes, explaining everything to him without a word being spoken. Her eyes, they were just like Harry's. Of course they were, he had their strength, his mother's wit, and James' will. Harry _would _be fine; he still had many friends to help him. In Lily's eyes, he saw their gratitude for all he had done, however little it seemed to him, but he was still glad he hadn't disappointed them.

Slowly, he felt himself calming down. The smile on Lily's face was hard to look upon without breaking into one as well. He was here now; there was nothing he could do anyways. His time had past. Now, he was once again with his friends- his adopted brother and his wife. The only family he had ever truly called his own, except for the one he had, and yet never knew. Renae and Perdita.

"Someone else is here to see you," Lily said, smiling at James before looking back at Sirius. "While you watched over Harry for us, we watched over her for you. She's been waiting to see you." Stepping aside, she revealed a small girl, about three, who stood clinging to the back of Lily's robes. The tiny figure had her thumb in her mouth as her long raven hair blew in the breeze, her hazel eyes smiling.

"Perdita," he whispered in disbelief. Looking over at James, his friend smiled, putting a gentle hand on the girls back as he led her towards him. Sirius knelt down, tears spilling down his cheeks once again. Why he even bothered to try and hold them back at all, he didn't know, this entire reunion had him overjoyed to the point of tears. So different from the tears he shed for his little girl before. He could recall the number of times he had sat in his room at Grimmauld Place, Buckbeak in the corner, as he slipped into the violet's memories to see her precious little face, yet he still hadn't expected her to be this beautiful. 

To actually see her through his own eyes!

Perdita had Renae's eyes. He was sure of it now as his gaze locked with hers.

Slowly the girl stepped forward, a questioning in her eyes as James led her closer to him. Her steps were small and reluctant as she began to look him over from head to toe, as if trying to determine if he was as real as she appeared to him. Did she even realize who he truly was?

Standing only a few inches from him, her eyes suddenly widened and she withdrew her tiny thumb as a smile spread on her lips. "I know you," she declared, a giggle in her voice. Her tiny eyes glistening as Renae's use to and it nearly broke his heart. "I've been watching you. Aunt Lily said you would come to see me one day."

"Yes," he managed to utter as he chocked down the lump that had formed in his throat, his head slowly nodding in agreement, "I came to see you." 

Perdita was absolutely beautiful, even more so than Renae. The tiny girl was the most wonderful thing he had ever done in his life, and never knew about it until she gone, and now… now she was standing before him for the first time and Sirius wanted nothing more than to embrace the little angel and shower her with the love she deserved. The love he never had the chance to give her. 

Until now.

"Are you going to stay?" she asked, twisting her one little foot up onto its toes as her hands went behind her back. The tiny girl couldn't possibly appear any more angelic. She had such innocence… such sweet, glorious innocence. There wasn't enough of it left in the world. 

Sirius felt the corners of his mouth slowly rise. "Yes, I'm going to stay." How could he possibly consider doing otherwise? If he was to spend eternity in this place, whatever it may be, he wouldn't want to spend it any other way than with his child.

"Good!" Perdita exclaimed before breaking out in laughter. "We can play. I love to play. And fly! Uncle James said you fly too. Do you? I love Kuodpot, but Uncle James said you played Kidditch. I don't know Kidditch. Can you show me?" Her line of questioning came so suddenly and with such enthusiasm; it took him a moment to process all she had said in her sweet childish voice. 

He laughed softly, amazed at the life in those tiny hazel eyes, now looking upon him as he had always hoped they one day would have. He could see now why it was so hard for Renae, letting go of such a sweet child, why she would have even considered lifting her memories of the girl's death. But now he would get to spent eternity with her, get to be the father he had dreamed of, and never have to fear losing her. He may have left so much behind, but to have gained this tiny precious child…

Still smiling, Perdita stopped twisting her little foot and stood firmly on both feet, her eyes full of anticipation as she asked excitedly,  "Will Mommy come soon?" 

Sirius exchanged glances with Lily and James. Their faces fell just as his did. Without a word spoken between them, he could tell they knew what had befallen Renae. How her soul would never find its way here. She was forever lost. Dear Merlin, how does he explain that to his daughter? Break her tiny heart by telling her her mother would never join them; never embrace her again. 

He couldn't. Sirius just couldn't bear the thought of tears in those loving and trusting little eyes.

Gently, Sirius placed his hands on Perdita's arms, rubbing his thumbs back and forth as he stared into her gentle face. "Mommy has to stay there, for now at least. Perhaps one day she can come." He lied. He couldn't bring himself to break her little heart, yet he couldn't tell her she was coming either. Instead, he'd bear the burden of the truth for her.

Perdita looked at him mournfully, tearing his heart out to see her enchanting smile slowly fade with disappointment. He knew she would ask again, and again he would have to lie or worse, one day tell her Renae would never join them. Mommy _wouldn't _be coming. Doing his best to keep some semblance of a smile on his face, Sirius pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her tiny frame. 

Her little arms wrapped around his neck, her face pressing up against his as the warmth of her cheek finally brought back his smile. Oh, what he wouldn't give to hold her like this forever! He pet her soft hair, smelling the faint scent of violets drifting from her head. A wet warmth suddenly hit his neck and trickled down, dampening his shirt. She was crying.

Pulling her back, he brushed her hair out of her face and cupped her tiny cheek in his hand. "What's wrong Perdita?" he asked softly, wiping away her tears with his thumb.

Sniffling, her little eyes clouded by tears, her lips quivered as she answered, "I missed you Daddy." He lost all composure. That one word, one simple little word that from her, meant everything to him… _Daddy_. 

He pulled her to him again, his hand holding her head to his chest as he closed his eyes, hot tears streaming uncontrollably as he sobbed, "I missed you too."


End file.
